First I want to wish everyone a Happy and safe New Year's Eve.
As I sit here with several hours ago before the finish of this year, I can only think of how it began and how its ending. The beginning was so distressing in such a negative way. I never felt good about anything I did. Sex wasn't even fun and it even got to the point that I didn't want to be touched.
But after breaking the cycle of abuse, I took sometime to recover my psyche. I continued to read and talk to some people but avoided any entanglements. I built walls to protect me and my heart. I wouldn't jump just because a male said he was a Dominant. I decided they had to prove they were stronger than me and I'm not talking physically. They were going to sweep me with some simple statements. They needed to show me they had action to back up their words. Their words weren't empty and meant something. So before I made time and re-arranged my life, I had to know it was worth it. Doesn't sound very subbie but then I do have a very dominant side.
In the last part of the year, I decided to again become activity in the community and began to start attending events. This is also when I started speaking to a Dominant that I really didn't know where things were going. We began to email then exchanged phone numbers so to text.
This Dominant was different then the others that had approached me. He wasn't in a hurry. Didn't talk about meeting me and fucking me like tomorrow, he actually had a conversation with me. He ask questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. For that fact, he ask those questions again and I'm still unable to answer them. Or should I say I'm not ready to answer them. I don't think I've experienced enough to answer the questions to be honest.
However, this Dominant does give me a level of frustration. He doesn't communicate with me as much as I want. I try to be patient but some days I just want to chat. I want him to invite me over so we can hang out or play or whatever. We can't build anything if we don't get to know one another.
When we spoke the other day he talked about the mental part and stretching my boundaries. But to do that we need to communicate and see each other...Oh I sound whinny and I don't like that.
Ok, I managed to get way off topic. The bottom line is my year is ending really good. I have a potential involvement. He has skills and strength that I can't wait to explore further.
2013 has some great potential.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
I want to take a moment and wish all my followers a very Merry Christmas. I'm blessed with a beautiful and loving family who I was able to share it with in the last few days. So this allows me sometime to sit and relax on this grand day.
It also allows me to surf/shop some sites for after Christmas sales. And Oh did I find some...I'm looking at a site with kink toys. I found some jewerly for nipples and clit and I'm thinking..."this will be perfect for my next photo shoot...its a must have...I can get 25% off also". Oh I need to keep looking. The next shoot is going to be even better...
It also allows me to surf/shop some sites for after Christmas sales. And Oh did I find some...I'm looking at a site with kink toys. I found some jewerly for nipples and clit and I'm thinking..."this will be perfect for my next photo shoot...its a must have...I can get 25% off also". Oh I need to keep looking. The next shoot is going to be even better...
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Importance of Aftercare
After last week's play session and a week of processing, I finally have come to a clear understanding of the need and importance of good aftercare. I felt good this week. No emotional downs or mood swings as I have experienced in the past. All these thoughts were fresher in my mind at the beginning of the week but work prevented me from writing. But back to the topic at hand now.
When I first played and explored with the physical sided, I was still really "vanilla" trying to find myself and make adjustments. Basically, I was still trying to break the constraints of the vanilla world and embrace the loving poly lifestyle which I wanted to be apart.
So in my first play session, the Dominant and his slave were great. Everyone knew what was going on, nothing was hidden. We were all friends and continue to be friends. But the vanilla in me refused to accept the aftercare. Apart of me refused to believe I needed anyone to comfort me, I think apart of this was because I had just left a bad relationship and was attempting to move on. It was a wall I built and didn't want to let anyone in at that time so the results were I suffered from subdrop.
I already have Bipolar so the sub-drop only made the roller-coaster ride that I experience worse. I only played with this Dominant a few times but I should have learned the importance from him. I believed he tried to show me, I just wasn't ready.
Every play session I had til last week, I suffered sub-drop. However, the next individual wasn't a dominant. He had aspersions to become one but failed to understand the importance of aftercare. He felt our play wasn't real since it wasn't public so there was no need to care for me.
Now after last week's session, I don't remember much but I do remember being held. My head was on his shoulder, his arm was around me and his head was against mine. It was very comforting. He might have even been talking too me...I don't know. I could have laid down and took a nap but I just wanted to go home to do that. I think if I separated from him I might have been able to think a little clearer. It had been a really good night.
I told him an unreasonable time for me to be home. I made a detour to see friends then to the store. I was amazed to see he had text to see if I was ok because I was to text when I got home. I explained what I had done and I was leaving the store which was 5 minutes from home. Then the next morning he text to check on me again.
Sunday I laided around all day but wasn't depressed. Monday, I felt great. I attribute this to the aftercare. Thanks Sir!!!
When I first played and explored with the physical sided, I was still really "vanilla" trying to find myself and make adjustments. Basically, I was still trying to break the constraints of the vanilla world and embrace the loving poly lifestyle which I wanted to be apart.
So in my first play session, the Dominant and his slave were great. Everyone knew what was going on, nothing was hidden. We were all friends and continue to be friends. But the vanilla in me refused to accept the aftercare. Apart of me refused to believe I needed anyone to comfort me, I think apart of this was because I had just left a bad relationship and was attempting to move on. It was a wall I built and didn't want to let anyone in at that time so the results were I suffered from subdrop.
I already have Bipolar so the sub-drop only made the roller-coaster ride that I experience worse. I only played with this Dominant a few times but I should have learned the importance from him. I believed he tried to show me, I just wasn't ready.
Every play session I had til last week, I suffered sub-drop. However, the next individual wasn't a dominant. He had aspersions to become one but failed to understand the importance of aftercare. He felt our play wasn't real since it wasn't public so there was no need to care for me.
Now after last week's session, I don't remember much but I do remember being held. My head was on his shoulder, his arm was around me and his head was against mine. It was very comforting. He might have even been talking too me...I don't know. I could have laid down and took a nap but I just wanted to go home to do that. I think if I separated from him I might have been able to think a little clearer. It had been a really good night.
I told him an unreasonable time for me to be home. I made a detour to see friends then to the store. I was amazed to see he had text to see if I was ok because I was to text when I got home. I explained what I had done and I was leaving the store which was 5 minutes from home. Then the next morning he text to check on me again.
Sunday I laided around all day but wasn't depressed. Monday, I felt great. I attribute this to the aftercare. Thanks Sir!!!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
My Photo Shoot Pics
I finally got them back. I think they turned out great. I'm only posting a few on here because I don't want them public and google makes them so totally public. I have posted a lot on Fetlife. Plans are in the work for future shoots so stay tuned.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Great Night
Tonight didn't go as planned but it turned out great. I planned to do a fetish photo shoot which I did and then go to Season's Beatings which I didn't. The alternative plans ended up being better than the original.
First the photo shoot...It was absolutely great. I was nervous. I had never did anything like that before. I usually never have my picture taken. I usually the one taking the pictures because I don't think I take good pictures. But from the ones I saw, they were good. I can't wait to get them and post a few here and on Fetlife.
We took a variety of photos. Some with clothes, some with nighties, some partially dressed and even nude. The photographer noticed that I had a bratty side and was ornery. He also took the time to talk which helped me relax.
Then I contacted the Dominant that I had plans to attend Season's Beatings with but I was ask if I really wanted too. I really didn't care if we attended, I knew I just wanted some play time so I ask if he had something else in mind. I was hoping he would say come to my house and we will have a session but instead he said he wanted to go to a bar. There was someone he wanted me to meet. I thought "damn, no play" but agreed with the hope that there would be some play. I decided to try and be patient which really isn't a strong suit for me.
We went to this quaint little bar where another of his subs bartends. She was beautiful with nice tits and body. It was her birthday and she was working her ass off. We didn't get much time to talk but I get the feeling we will in the future.
I actually thought for a while that we were close to a 3sum. D had ask m to come and play if she got off work early. I was a little nervous due to my inexperience but excited because it would have been a great time. I just had that feeling. Unfortunately, she didn't get off work in time and we left.
When we arrived back to his place, I was nervous which seem to be the theme of the evening. He said he didn't know weather to tie me up or just caress me. I suggested tying because that is what I so wanted and he complied. I had also mentioned a blindfold earlier in the evening and he produced one for the evening.
He bound my breasts, my hand behind my back and blindfolded me. He had been rubbing my clit and pitching my nipples while tying. After getting me bound, he ordered me to lay on the bed which is when he started to apply the clothes pins. Wooden clothes pins are so different then plastic. I could have wooden one put on my pussy lips and walk around with them, I couldn't with the plastic.
After putting several on my pussy lips, I ask for something inside me. Of course, I was denied. He then proceeds to put several on each of my breasts. At this point, I remembered reading about working through the pain and that's what I started doing. The pain started to fade and again became an annoyance. Then he began using the dildo.
Oh, this is what I wanted. I wanted to feel something in me. I would of preferred the real thing but anything was good. I was wet. At one point I believe I may have been close to squirting. I think there were several reasons I didn't one I didn't want to totally loose myself at this point. I do have a habit of making messes and I don't know how he feels about them. Plus we are still new to each and building our trust level.
When I was done, he stopped. The finishing touch was the dildo hit my cervix and caused me some uncomfort, ok pain. Because I was able to adjust, the pain of the clothes pins returned. I couldn't block it. Everything hurt at this point.
He then began to remove the clothes pins which brought me to tears. This was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to go to this level or anyone to take me there. I've always been afraid of pain to an extent.
The one thing that I find I like is how he controlled me. He used the ropes, holding either from the back or front, and of course pulling my hair. After removing the clothes pins, he grabbed the rope in the front and pulled me up. When I said I was dizzy and he knew my legs were weak, he let me sit back down, stroking my hair and talking too me. He then stood me up to make sure I was ok and to finish untying me.
I find it funny that he called me a pain slut. I would have never considered myself a pain slut because I thought those were more the ones that liked canes, paddles and whips. The ones that liked to be beat, not the more sutle pain that I seem to like to experience.
I'm still processing this experience. I feel it was good, actually great. I believe D is what I needed at this time. I've been hesitate and even afraid to give control but I think at some point I have to begin to trust in myself if I'm ever going to have what I actually want. So I think this is a beginning point for me. I do appreciate that he listens and talks to me. He also read my blog. Right now he is holding one against me but that is ok. I can't change my reaction. I may have over reacted but that is apart of me but at least I wasn't stupid enough to take my anger out on him.
The funny thing, I wasn't angry at him. I was angry with myself for believing in something. I always make all these plans in my mind and when things don't turn out the way there suppose too, the way my mind has them playing out. I'm upset and hurt. Someday things will work out my way...maybe...
First the photo shoot...It was absolutely great. I was nervous. I had never did anything like that before. I usually never have my picture taken. I usually the one taking the pictures because I don't think I take good pictures. But from the ones I saw, they were good. I can't wait to get them and post a few here and on Fetlife.
We took a variety of photos. Some with clothes, some with nighties, some partially dressed and even nude. The photographer noticed that I had a bratty side and was ornery. He also took the time to talk which helped me relax.
Then I contacted the Dominant that I had plans to attend Season's Beatings with but I was ask if I really wanted too. I really didn't care if we attended, I knew I just wanted some play time so I ask if he had something else in mind. I was hoping he would say come to my house and we will have a session but instead he said he wanted to go to a bar. There was someone he wanted me to meet. I thought "damn, no play" but agreed with the hope that there would be some play. I decided to try and be patient which really isn't a strong suit for me.
We went to this quaint little bar where another of his subs bartends. She was beautiful with nice tits and body. It was her birthday and she was working her ass off. We didn't get much time to talk but I get the feeling we will in the future.
I actually thought for a while that we were close to a 3sum. D had ask m to come and play if she got off work early. I was a little nervous due to my inexperience but excited because it would have been a great time. I just had that feeling. Unfortunately, she didn't get off work in time and we left.
When we arrived back to his place, I was nervous which seem to be the theme of the evening. He said he didn't know weather to tie me up or just caress me. I suggested tying because that is what I so wanted and he complied. I had also mentioned a blindfold earlier in the evening and he produced one for the evening.
He bound my breasts, my hand behind my back and blindfolded me. He had been rubbing my clit and pitching my nipples while tying. After getting me bound, he ordered me to lay on the bed which is when he started to apply the clothes pins. Wooden clothes pins are so different then plastic. I could have wooden one put on my pussy lips and walk around with them, I couldn't with the plastic.
After putting several on my pussy lips, I ask for something inside me. Of course, I was denied. He then proceeds to put several on each of my breasts. At this point, I remembered reading about working through the pain and that's what I started doing. The pain started to fade and again became an annoyance. Then he began using the dildo.
Oh, this is what I wanted. I wanted to feel something in me. I would of preferred the real thing but anything was good. I was wet. At one point I believe I may have been close to squirting. I think there were several reasons I didn't one I didn't want to totally loose myself at this point. I do have a habit of making messes and I don't know how he feels about them. Plus we are still new to each and building our trust level.
When I was done, he stopped. The finishing touch was the dildo hit my cervix and caused me some uncomfort, ok pain. Because I was able to adjust, the pain of the clothes pins returned. I couldn't block it. Everything hurt at this point.
He then began to remove the clothes pins which brought me to tears. This was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to go to this level or anyone to take me there. I've always been afraid of pain to an extent.
The one thing that I find I like is how he controlled me. He used the ropes, holding either from the back or front, and of course pulling my hair. After removing the clothes pins, he grabbed the rope in the front and pulled me up. When I said I was dizzy and he knew my legs were weak, he let me sit back down, stroking my hair and talking too me. He then stood me up to make sure I was ok and to finish untying me.
I find it funny that he called me a pain slut. I would have never considered myself a pain slut because I thought those were more the ones that liked canes, paddles and whips. The ones that liked to be beat, not the more sutle pain that I seem to like to experience.
I'm still processing this experience. I feel it was good, actually great. I believe D is what I needed at this time. I've been hesitate and even afraid to give control but I think at some point I have to begin to trust in myself if I'm ever going to have what I actually want. So I think this is a beginning point for me. I do appreciate that he listens and talks to me. He also read my blog. Right now he is holding one against me but that is ok. I can't change my reaction. I may have over reacted but that is apart of me but at least I wasn't stupid enough to take my anger out on him.
The funny thing, I wasn't angry at him. I was angry with myself for believing in something. I always make all these plans in my mind and when things don't turn out the way there suppose too, the way my mind has them playing out. I'm upset and hurt. Someday things will work out my way...maybe...
Monday, December 3, 2012
Photo Shoot
Several of my friends have done fetish photo shoots. There is a new photographer that is offering to do shoots. I sent him a message telling him how much I liked his work and he has offered me a shoot. I'm so excited. I've never thought about doing anything like this. I'll have some great pics to post.
More information to come.
More information to come.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Another Meet N Greet
I went to another local meet n greet. I thought it would be nice to start attending and getting to know those in my area. The first one was last month was a little loud but had a few more people that attended. I was able to meet a couple that had been online friends.
This time there was less people and it was quieter. We were able to have more private conversations, get to know each other a little better. This is a good start to building a strong community in an area that isn't really accepting of our lifestyle.
This time there was less people and it was quieter. We were able to have more private conversations, get to know each other a little better. This is a good start to building a strong community in an area that isn't really accepting of our lifestyle.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Smiling
I always love it when I get an unexpected call. I have several male friends who I know love me and are there for me in all circumstances. One such friend called me to wish me a belated happy birthday.
When I saw his number as a missed call, I became worried. Usually we don't call unless there is a problem so of course I thought the worse. But luckily it was the best, just belated birthday wishes. He had been sick and had been away from the computer. He didn't want me to think that he had forgotten me so he called.
While we were on the phone, we had to take a few minutes and catch up with each other. He ask if I was dating and I'm not. He said he could tell, I'm happier when I'm not with someone. Its amazing how someone that is 100 miles away can see when someone close to me can't. Fortunately, I'm not dating so all is good. I did tell him I was talking to a couple but nothing serious.
I also told him I believed with age I have finally came into my cuteness/beauty. He told me I have always been cute but I have allowed others to make me believe differently. He also said I was paranoid about it. Now, I'm confident and have accepted that I have a beauty. I have come into my own. I may not be the most beautiful but I have my own beauty that I can see and accept.
When I saw his number as a missed call, I became worried. Usually we don't call unless there is a problem so of course I thought the worse. But luckily it was the best, just belated birthday wishes. He had been sick and had been away from the computer. He didn't want me to think that he had forgotten me so he called.
While we were on the phone, we had to take a few minutes and catch up with each other. He ask if I was dating and I'm not. He said he could tell, I'm happier when I'm not with someone. Its amazing how someone that is 100 miles away can see when someone close to me can't. Fortunately, I'm not dating so all is good. I did tell him I was talking to a couple but nothing serious.
I also told him I believed with age I have finally came into my cuteness/beauty. He told me I have always been cute but I have allowed others to make me believe differently. He also said I was paranoid about it. Now, I'm confident and have accepted that I have a beauty. I have come into my own. I may not be the most beautiful but I have my own beauty that I can see and accept.
Things are Getting Interesting
Just when I was beginning to give up hope and accept that I was going to spend another holiday season with family, up pops not one but two men. After being stood up on Friday, I checked this dating site I signed up for. I thought well, kink isn't working maybe just dating vanilla.
Well, I actually found someone that I'm compatible with. He is really vanilla which maybe an issue. I just don't know if I can go back or even if I want too. But I have told him I'm into kink and a little about my kink. I have even invited him to attend an event that he is interested in. So I think there maybe some hope if nothing else someone at least to hang with...friend with benefits.
Then the Dominant that stood me up opened a discussion with me and ask for forgiveness. I've set a play date with him because I really need some physical play. I think it would help relieve some stress.
I don't know where either of these relationships are going, its really too earlier. I don't think the Dominant is the one to seriously lead me but will be good to have some play for a time. My vanilla may not like my level of kink but then again it just maybe the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Only time will tell...I will keep you posted.
I meet vanilla on Friday and play date is Sunday....busy busy!!!!
Well, I actually found someone that I'm compatible with. He is really vanilla which maybe an issue. I just don't know if I can go back or even if I want too. But I have told him I'm into kink and a little about my kink. I have even invited him to attend an event that he is interested in. So I think there maybe some hope if nothing else someone at least to hang with...friend with benefits.
Then the Dominant that stood me up opened a discussion with me and ask for forgiveness. I've set a play date with him because I really need some physical play. I think it would help relieve some stress.
I don't know where either of these relationships are going, its really too earlier. I don't think the Dominant is the one to seriously lead me but will be good to have some play for a time. My vanilla may not like my level of kink but then again it just maybe the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Only time will tell...I will keep you posted.
I meet vanilla on Friday and play date is Sunday....busy busy!!!!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Birthday Weekend
This past weekend was my birthday weekend and I had some great plans. However, they were just plans. I find that most of the time when I make plans something always interferes and things don't turn out as well as I plan. Where as if I sort of wing things I have a much better time.
Such as Friday, there were 2 events. One I wanted to attend more than the other and I believed I had expressed this to the Dominant that I had been speaking too. I believe we had even agreed to go to the event that I so wanted to go to. Then on Friday, he mentions about shooting pool which indicates the opposite event than the one I actually wanted. I thought OK...I can shoot pool and we can continue to get to know each other. This meeting I will have a lot more time to get ready and I will really be able to impress him.
That didn't happen. As agreed, I text when I was leaving home cause the event was an hour from my home but only about 15 minutes from his. I figured that would give him time to do what he needed and he could meet me there when I go there or shortly after. So when I arrive, I text "I'm here". Several minutes later I receive a text back stating that he was going to get dressed. I ask if I was going to be left waiting and the response was "yes. Sorry". Didn't go over well...I promptly told him to stay at home.
He tried to explain that Friday's were rough and he had laid down. Well that didn't go far with me. I was tired. Driving home from work, I had a hard time staying awake but I still managed to rest for 30 minutes, grab a hot shower and get myself ready. Plus I had an hour drive all to see someone that couldn't give me the same consideration.
So to say the least this set the tone for the weekend. I hadn't wanted to out with people but decided to take a chance on this Dominant. This was the 3rd meeting and the 2nd time he was basically standing me up. I had done what he ask of me but yet he couldn't respect me enough to be prompt.
Actually it sent me to the couch for the weekend, I didn't have the desire to do anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. So I stayed at home, watched tv and played online.
Sunday which was my actual birthday. I had 2 encounters. One self reported master who after speaking with him I came to realize he doesn't have a clue, wanted to meet me for lunch and a movie. The funny thing is he didn't wait for me and didn't even tell the truth when he was talking to me. He stated he left the restaurant at one time when I know he left a lot earlier. He also didn't go to the movie because he was calling me from his landline 52 minutes into the movie. I gave him my cell and he emailed he didn't have a cell.
He stated he didn't know what Old Guard Slavery was and ask me to explain aggressive sexual dominance which are a couple of my listed fetishes on Fetlife. Wow...this dude for being in the lifestyle for 25 years must have been hidden. Then he only wanted to talk about what he would do to a sub. He ask if meet n greets were vanilla, then described a dungeon experience as a meet n greet. I truly think he is confused and doesn't have a clue.
My other encounter is a vanilla who is interesting. I don't know where this will go but I plan to meet him and see. I've told him a little about my kink side...didn't want to scare him off yet. But at least he is getting to know me. He text and calls. We talk and have made plans to meet. I wonder if I can go back to vanilla after tasting the darkside? I wonder if I can bring him across?
Such as Friday, there were 2 events. One I wanted to attend more than the other and I believed I had expressed this to the Dominant that I had been speaking too. I believe we had even agreed to go to the event that I so wanted to go to. Then on Friday, he mentions about shooting pool which indicates the opposite event than the one I actually wanted. I thought OK...I can shoot pool and we can continue to get to know each other. This meeting I will have a lot more time to get ready and I will really be able to impress him.
That didn't happen. As agreed, I text when I was leaving home cause the event was an hour from my home but only about 15 minutes from his. I figured that would give him time to do what he needed and he could meet me there when I go there or shortly after. So when I arrive, I text "I'm here". Several minutes later I receive a text back stating that he was going to get dressed. I ask if I was going to be left waiting and the response was "yes. Sorry". Didn't go over well...I promptly told him to stay at home.
He tried to explain that Friday's were rough and he had laid down. Well that didn't go far with me. I was tired. Driving home from work, I had a hard time staying awake but I still managed to rest for 30 minutes, grab a hot shower and get myself ready. Plus I had an hour drive all to see someone that couldn't give me the same consideration.
So to say the least this set the tone for the weekend. I hadn't wanted to out with people but decided to take a chance on this Dominant. This was the 3rd meeting and the 2nd time he was basically standing me up. I had done what he ask of me but yet he couldn't respect me enough to be prompt.
Actually it sent me to the couch for the weekend, I didn't have the desire to do anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. So I stayed at home, watched tv and played online.
Sunday which was my actual birthday. I had 2 encounters. One self reported master who after speaking with him I came to realize he doesn't have a clue, wanted to meet me for lunch and a movie. The funny thing is he didn't wait for me and didn't even tell the truth when he was talking to me. He stated he left the restaurant at one time when I know he left a lot earlier. He also didn't go to the movie because he was calling me from his landline 52 minutes into the movie. I gave him my cell and he emailed he didn't have a cell.
He stated he didn't know what Old Guard Slavery was and ask me to explain aggressive sexual dominance which are a couple of my listed fetishes on Fetlife. Wow...this dude for being in the lifestyle for 25 years must have been hidden. Then he only wanted to talk about what he would do to a sub. He ask if meet n greets were vanilla, then described a dungeon experience as a meet n greet. I truly think he is confused and doesn't have a clue.
My other encounter is a vanilla who is interesting. I don't know where this will go but I plan to meet him and see. I've told him a little about my kink side...didn't want to scare him off yet. But at least he is getting to know me. He text and calls. We talk and have made plans to meet. I wonder if I can go back to vanilla after tasting the darkside? I wonder if I can bring him across?
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Great Weekend to Start the Month
I must say that this weekend has been a great start to the month. First it started with Kinky Bowl V on Friday night. I met some new people and saw some old friends. Of course, I was able to get a couple of practice games in...lol.
Then Saturday I was able to stay a little closer to home with a meet n greet for the Zanesville group. The location was nice. It wasn't crowded for a Saturday night and had a DJ. The food was good also. I wasn't able to stay a long time but did have a chance to get my groove on and do some chatting.
Now I just need to get ready for next weekend...the anticipation is going to kill me.
Then Saturday I was able to stay a little closer to home with a meet n greet for the Zanesville group. The location was nice. It wasn't crowded for a Saturday night and had a DJ. The food was good also. I wasn't able to stay a long time but did have a chance to get my groove on and do some chatting.
Now I just need to get ready for next weekend...the anticipation is going to kill me.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
November appears to be shaping up
Well November is my birthday month and the month that I make serious attempts to go to events. So I have looked and lined several up. The first being Kinky Bowl on Saturday. I hope to kick some ass...lol
Then my birthday weekend, I'm still trying to decide which to attend. On Friday, there are 2 events. The Perversion Diversion which is a meet n greet at a pool hall. Then there is L3 which is at a swing club. On Saturday, there is a munch and play party or I might just enjoy dinner and a movie with a friend. Sunday will be my alone time unless I get a better offer...lol.
There didn't seem to be much toward the end of the month. But December appears to hold some attraction also. Such as L3, Perversion Diversion, several munches and Season's Beatings, just to name a few.
Then my birthday weekend, I'm still trying to decide which to attend. On Friday, there are 2 events. The Perversion Diversion which is a meet n greet at a pool hall. Then there is L3 which is at a swing club. On Saturday, there is a munch and play party or I might just enjoy dinner and a movie with a friend. Sunday will be my alone time unless I get a better offer...lol.
There didn't seem to be much toward the end of the month. But December appears to hold some attraction also. Such as L3, Perversion Diversion, several munches and Season's Beatings, just to name a few.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Inspired
A couple recent events have given me new hope and inspiration. The first was a fabulous night with some new friends. After walking away permanently from my play partner, I had decided to refocus my efforts on my family and work. So I spent most of my time working long hours, only making myself available when one of my children needed me.
Then one night while chatting with a new friend, she invited me come play with her husband/Dominant and their sub. I was going to be a surprise. I thought this would be cool and became extremely excited. I had no intentions of participating. My only plan was to watch the 3 at play.
When the question arose about moving to the bedroom so that we could relax without the constraints of clothing, I was the first to say "ok". I enjoyed the touching. Each of us touching one another. It was so relaxing.
Then too my surprise, I was told they were going to show me their "hospitality". Oh how I loved their "hospitality". All the touching focused on me. A female at each breast, one sucking easy and the other nibbling creating just enough pain. And of course, Sir was enjoying the taste of my pussy. The release was so needed as well as all the touching.
I continued to watch and enjoy the whole scene. Then I was taken by surprise again when Sir grabbed my legs, pulling my bottom closer to the edge of the bed and causing me to lay back. He pushed my legs up toward my chest giving him access to what he wanted. The feel of a dick in me for the first time in months was great and the rhythm was perfect. I was amazed that he wanted me. I had turned that side off and was a little shocked at the pleasure I was gaining. Then the girls made their presents known my playing with his balls and I felt their fingers on my ass.
The whole evening was great. I felt a little out of place but not because of my friends. They were so open and giving to one another freely while I held walls and remained guarded. I think of this as one of my greatest experiences and hope some day to have a repeat when I'm just as open and giving as freely.
This one night did so much for me, my friends don't truly know the extent. It made me remember that I can't lock a part of myself up. I need to enjoy pleasure and that is what I was meant for. So I began talking to others and seriously began looking for another play partner which lead me to Friday evening.
On Friday, I went to a meet n greet so that I could meet face to face a man I had been chatting. It was a no pressure evening. We meet and spoke for several hours. He understands about negotiations and other general protocols. We both agreed that we should trying playing together in the future which I think will be so much fun. He says he has his clothes pins ready, he really liked that pic on my fetlife page.
I can't wait til next month. I plan to attend the meet n greet. In December, I hope to attend Season's Beatings again. Only this time, I will be attending single so that I don't feel the need to entertain a partner who is uninterested and dishonest. I think this will allow for me to be more relaxed and become more involved in the local lifestyle community.
Then one night while chatting with a new friend, she invited me come play with her husband/Dominant and their sub. I was going to be a surprise. I thought this would be cool and became extremely excited. I had no intentions of participating. My only plan was to watch the 3 at play.
When the question arose about moving to the bedroom so that we could relax without the constraints of clothing, I was the first to say "ok". I enjoyed the touching. Each of us touching one another. It was so relaxing.
Then too my surprise, I was told they were going to show me their "hospitality". Oh how I loved their "hospitality". All the touching focused on me. A female at each breast, one sucking easy and the other nibbling creating just enough pain. And of course, Sir was enjoying the taste of my pussy. The release was so needed as well as all the touching.
I continued to watch and enjoy the whole scene. Then I was taken by surprise again when Sir grabbed my legs, pulling my bottom closer to the edge of the bed and causing me to lay back. He pushed my legs up toward my chest giving him access to what he wanted. The feel of a dick in me for the first time in months was great and the rhythm was perfect. I was amazed that he wanted me. I had turned that side off and was a little shocked at the pleasure I was gaining. Then the girls made their presents known my playing with his balls and I felt their fingers on my ass.
The whole evening was great. I felt a little out of place but not because of my friends. They were so open and giving to one another freely while I held walls and remained guarded. I think of this as one of my greatest experiences and hope some day to have a repeat when I'm just as open and giving as freely.
This one night did so much for me, my friends don't truly know the extent. It made me remember that I can't lock a part of myself up. I need to enjoy pleasure and that is what I was meant for. So I began talking to others and seriously began looking for another play partner which lead me to Friday evening.
On Friday, I went to a meet n greet so that I could meet face to face a man I had been chatting. It was a no pressure evening. We meet and spoke for several hours. He understands about negotiations and other general protocols. We both agreed that we should trying playing together in the future which I think will be so much fun. He says he has his clothes pins ready, he really liked that pic on my fetlife page.
I can't wait til next month. I plan to attend the meet n greet. In December, I hope to attend Season's Beatings again. Only this time, I will be attending single so that I don't feel the need to entertain a partner who is uninterested and dishonest. I think this will allow for me to be more relaxed and become more involved in the local lifestyle community.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Guidelines for sub ownership
I found this in sargeusmc6669's writings. It seemed so fitting that I ask permission to re post.
Please give credit to this 1998 copyrighted piece written by Lord Colm's jade, who died several years ago. You can find the complete original writing titled "What do I need from my Dominant" of which the Submissive Owners Manual is only a section.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am . I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits . I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits . I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me . I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected . I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model . I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviours on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance . I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You . Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership . No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Please give credit to this 1998 copyrighted piece written by Lord Colm's jade, who died several years ago. You can find the complete original writing titled "What do I need from my Dominant" of which the Submissive Owners Manual is only a section.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am . I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits . I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits . I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me . I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected . I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model . I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviours on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance . I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You . Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership . No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Vacation
The only good news of the summer is I am going on vacation. One of the perks of my new job. I'm getting paid to go on an all expense paid vacation...I know, how lucky can one be...lol.
Well, the money is here and available. Just a few more details to work out on my end. Of course, I need to do a little shopping. Then I'm off to Myrtle Beach on Sept 10. 4 days and 3 nights of relaxations, sun and fun.
As for my submissive thing, Kinky Kollege might do it good. Plus I would be able to mark Chicago off my bucket list.
Well, the money is here and available. Just a few more details to work out on my end. Of course, I need to do a little shopping. Then I'm off to Myrtle Beach on Sept 10. 4 days and 3 nights of relaxations, sun and fun.
As for my submissive thing, Kinky Kollege might do it good. Plus I would be able to mark Chicago off my bucket list.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Bucket List
I can cross skinny dipping off my bucket list. I've lived in this house 3 summers with a pool but this is the first that I have finally became brave enough to skinny dip. Its actually becoming a habit.
I find that I enjoy the feel of the water over my nakedness. With the evenings usually warm, the water is just chilled enough to cool me off which helps with relaxation so I can sleep. I also enjoy the quiet and the dark. Lights are illuminating from the house but I leave the outside lights off. Everyone is in bed and its just me taking a minute to enjoy the night. At times there are an abundance of stars and the moon in various stages. Then other times, its just dark because the sky is bare.
How I will miss the pool since I have become brave enough to enjoy the skinny dipping.
I find that I enjoy the feel of the water over my nakedness. With the evenings usually warm, the water is just chilled enough to cool me off which helps with relaxation so I can sleep. I also enjoy the quiet and the dark. Lights are illuminating from the house but I leave the outside lights off. Everyone is in bed and its just me taking a minute to enjoy the night. At times there are an abundance of stars and the moon in various stages. Then other times, its just dark because the sky is bare.
How I will miss the pool since I have become brave enough to enjoy the skinny dipping.
Surprises
Life always has surprises. Because of these surprises, there will be changes in my life. Not with my body as i have been working out but in other areas.
The job that has been frustrating and fulfilling at the same time has opened an opportunity which I'm not turning down. I will have the chance to work in my own county and assist in the growth. Plus saving myself money.
I'm also moving. I have loved the house I've been in and really don't want to move. But circumstances have created another opportunity so one must roll with the punches.
I'm hoping the future changes will allow me to start attending more events than once a year around my birthday. I want to re-acquaint myself with those that were so warm and welcoming when I first entered this lovely lifestyle. I want to explore more play.
I've decided that I'm not going to look for a Dominant at this time. I have one in mind and would love to see what the interaction is like face to face. I believe this is the time to truly find out about me then I will be more open to the right Dominant.
The job that has been frustrating and fulfilling at the same time has opened an opportunity which I'm not turning down. I will have the chance to work in my own county and assist in the growth. Plus saving myself money.
I'm also moving. I have loved the house I've been in and really don't want to move. But circumstances have created another opportunity so one must roll with the punches.
I'm hoping the future changes will allow me to start attending more events than once a year around my birthday. I want to re-acquaint myself with those that were so warm and welcoming when I first entered this lovely lifestyle. I want to explore more play.
I've decided that I'm not going to look for a Dominant at this time. I have one in mind and would love to see what the interaction is like face to face. I believe this is the time to truly find out about me then I will be more open to the right Dominant.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Great Meet
I got to meet one of my diamonds this evening and had a fantastic time. When your developing friendship, you need to build a bond, develop trust which help to form something lasting. I believe I was able to begin to build a bond.
We had dinner and talked. We didn't get centered on one topic but got an idea of who the other was. Then decided on a movie. After the movie, we sat talking and got lost in time. We ended up speaking for hours about ourselves and our experiences. We even touched on what we were looking for.
There were not any expectations, it was just two people sharing space and having a lot of things in common. I believe this is a beginning of a very beautiful friendship. I don't know where it may lead but it will be worth keeping.
We had dinner and talked. We didn't get centered on one topic but got an idea of who the other was. Then decided on a movie. After the movie, we sat talking and got lost in time. We ended up speaking for hours about ourselves and our experiences. We even touched on what we were looking for.
There were not any expectations, it was just two people sharing space and having a lot of things in common. I believe this is a beginning of a very beautiful friendship. I don't know where it may lead but it will be worth keeping.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Friends
Meeting people online can sometimes be very challenging. But then, sometimes one gets very lucky and finds a diamond. I believe I'm been lucky of late. I have found several diamonds. I hope someday to meet all my diamonds in person.
I believe I will actually get to meet one very soon. She is a bi-sexual female. She stated to me that it was hard to find a truly bi female and I agree with her. We have had several conversations and have somethings in common.
I also need to acknowledge some of the men that I have met. The are supportive and encouraging. When I'm feeling down about things, they always know what to say to lift my spirits.
So sometimes, one has to go through a lot of toads to find those that are princesses and princes.
I believe I will actually get to meet one very soon. She is a bi-sexual female. She stated to me that it was hard to find a truly bi female and I agree with her. We have had several conversations and have somethings in common.
I also need to acknowledge some of the men that I have met. The are supportive and encouraging. When I'm feeling down about things, they always know what to say to lift my spirits.
So sometimes, one has to go through a lot of toads to find those that are princesses and princes.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
New Tat
Ok...once you get one tattoo, you are always looking for the next. At least that is how I am. I have actually found my next tat. I've talked to my tat guy and now I just got to figure out when.
I got my first one in the beginning of summer. I got my second one just a month ago and I'm wanting another. They are just so addicting.
Isn't it beautiful...
I got my first one in the beginning of summer. I got my second one just a month ago and I'm wanting another. They are just so addicting.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Assisting Changes
I had thought about this several times and finally did it. I'm using my pool to assist with my potential changes. Its a shame that getting a my new tat has motivated me to change my body shape.
I started tonight by walking 20 minutes in the pool and then doing some laps: freestyle, side and back stroke. I play to do this every evening but if I accomplish it 4 evenings a week, I will consider it a success.
I started tonight by walking 20 minutes in the pool and then doing some laps: freestyle, side and back stroke. I play to do this every evening but if I accomplish it 4 evenings a week, I will consider it a success.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Differences
Something that I have been thinking a lot about lately is the difference that socioeconomic and the effects within the lifestyle. Some are probably thinking, she is off and on another tangent. But if you take a serious look, there is a definite differences in several areas.
Those that are lower on the social ladder find the that a Dominant just needs to proclaim his dominance and a submissive must bowel. They interpret things much differently and its extremely hard to change the opinion was they have grasp on to an idea. There is no gray area. Its all just black and white. They are extremely limited and narrow in their thinking with little ability to process information. There is also a fair amount of dishonesty which for some reason is accepted.
However, when you move up the social ladder, even just a few rungs, you find more openness to things. More willingness to except another and their potential differences. The thinking is more open, honest and accepting. Morals and ethics become an importance. Rules and protocols exist and are welcome to keep some order.
This is just my beginning thoughts. I will most likely add on to this thought/theory as I experience different groups and individuals.
Those that are lower on the social ladder find the that a Dominant just needs to proclaim his dominance and a submissive must bowel. They interpret things much differently and its extremely hard to change the opinion was they have grasp on to an idea. There is no gray area. Its all just black and white. They are extremely limited and narrow in their thinking with little ability to process information. There is also a fair amount of dishonesty which for some reason is accepted.
However, when you move up the social ladder, even just a few rungs, you find more openness to things. More willingness to except another and their potential differences. The thinking is more open, honest and accepting. Morals and ethics become an importance. Rules and protocols exist and are welcome to keep some order.
This is just my beginning thoughts. I will most likely add on to this thought/theory as I experience different groups and individuals.
Changes have begun...
Ok...I got my hair cut. I got 10 inches cut off to donate to Locks of Love. Of course another inch probably came off while getting it layered. Now, I'm considering a perm. I have some natural curl especially when it is shorter but I don't think its short enough to do anything but hang there.
I also believe that I have figured out my next tat. A heart with tribal around it on my upper arm. Also thinking about my tribal Pegasus on calf.
G is always so positive. I wish he didn't live so far away. I think he would be the perfect Dominant for me. He has taken the time to get to know me. He would get my sense of humor but would actually give me direction when I need it.
Someone new decided to strike up a conversation last night. He seemed really nice but we will see. I still wonder if G is the perfect dominant for me and will til we meet face to face.
I also believe that I have figured out my next tat. A heart with tribal around it on my upper arm. Also thinking about my tribal Pegasus on calf.
G is always so positive. I wish he didn't live so far away. I think he would be the perfect Dominant for me. He has taken the time to get to know me. He would get my sense of humor but would actually give me direction when I need it.
Someone new decided to strike up a conversation last night. He seemed really nice but we will see. I still wonder if G is the perfect dominant for me and will til we meet face to face.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Changes
I had to work late this evening and the drive home provided time to think and reflect. I came up with, its time for changes.
I'm loosing weight, slowly but still loosing. Work is falling into place and the stress has been reduced. I'm getting my mind together and I'm starting to feel good about a lot of things. So now, its time to change my look. I think I'm going to do something with my hair, cut and perm maybe, a little more color.
I also haven't had a vacation in 4 years so its time to plan another. I need to revisit Pensacola and enjoy the sun. I need to be re-new friends so some mini vacations are needed.
I think this is going to be a great summer. The sun does help to re-energize...
I'm loosing weight, slowly but still loosing. Work is falling into place and the stress has been reduced. I'm getting my mind together and I'm starting to feel good about a lot of things. So now, its time to change my look. I think I'm going to do something with my hair, cut and perm maybe, a little more color.
I also haven't had a vacation in 4 years so its time to plan another. I need to revisit Pensacola and enjoy the sun. I need to be re-new friends so some mini vacations are needed.
I think this is going to be a great summer. The sun does help to re-energize...
Monday, June 4, 2012
Forward Motion
It has appeared that I have not been moving forward. In a sense, my life is on hold because of my grandson. However, only a part is on hold. The rest should be moving forward. One part that I have neglected of late is my submission.
I think part is tied to an interaction with an individual that wasn't positive. This stunted me in my ability to learn and grown. I became discouraged. I stopped reading, stopped following the blogs that have a lot of information and haven't attended a munch or event. I put apart of my life on hold that wasn't necessary. So now its time to get back in the swing of things.
I have a date with a "booty bump" which will hopefully get me back on track sexually. My sex drive has been nothing. I have to admit this could be my age but it might have also been impacted by the negative interaction.
I've also set up a time to be tied up this weekend. I think the feel of the rope will give me some comfort. This is just a theory but I think it will provide a level of security much like swaddling an infant. I think most will understand the concept. I'm also hoping the scene will re-new my desire to submit.
On Fetlife in the last couple of days, there has been several threads speaking about a good sub or being submissive who is unpartnered. Within those threads, there have been a lot of great points that makes an individual think.
One thing that I have thought about is I don't have to settle. Its ok to be unpartnered. I can still learn and grown so when the right partner comes along, I will be prepared.
I think part is tied to an interaction with an individual that wasn't positive. This stunted me in my ability to learn and grown. I became discouraged. I stopped reading, stopped following the blogs that have a lot of information and haven't attended a munch or event. I put apart of my life on hold that wasn't necessary. So now its time to get back in the swing of things.
I have a date with a "booty bump" which will hopefully get me back on track sexually. My sex drive has been nothing. I have to admit this could be my age but it might have also been impacted by the negative interaction.
I've also set up a time to be tied up this weekend. I think the feel of the rope will give me some comfort. This is just a theory but I think it will provide a level of security much like swaddling an infant. I think most will understand the concept. I'm also hoping the scene will re-new my desire to submit.
On Fetlife in the last couple of days, there has been several threads speaking about a good sub or being submissive who is unpartnered. Within those threads, there have been a lot of great points that makes an individual think.
One thing that I have thought about is I don't have to settle. Its ok to be unpartnered. I can still learn and grown so when the right partner comes along, I will be prepared.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
New Tattoo
Oh...I so forgot how a new tattoo can be slightly uncomfortable.
I loved this tat in the pic and decided it was the one. Glenn had suggested handcuffs when I ask him for suggestions. I didn't just want handcuffs. When I was talking with my tat guy, he knew exactly what I was talking about. I'm thinking of adding some rope likes others use vines...
Monday, May 28, 2012
Hmmm...guess I need to get serious
Things in my life have been chaos. Work has been long and stressful which is why I have neglected writing. I'm not able to attend events due to work and car repairs. Plus I have to get serious about looking for a Dominant to seriously explore the pleasure pain thing.
Over the years and last several months, I have come to realize that I need a Dominant that is experienced. The inexperience ones become easily frustrated and show weakness which I'm able to exploit. Plus the inexperience ones feel full of themselves. Being aggressive sexually doesn't always mean one is a Dominant. The inexperience ones appear to be inpatient and don't always have the necessary information or rely on those with questionable characters for information which is shows their unreliability to the lifestyle.
I've had a bad week where the intent was the blame was to be placed on me. I was reportedly argumentative and sexually undesirable. I have the ability to be argumentative but wasn't. As for sexually undesirable that is so far from the truth and I won't even begin to make that my issue.
I have spoken to 2 ex partners who disagree and would love to have time with me. I also spoke with a man that could actually dominate me if we were in the same state who disagrees and he hasn't been with me. Then there was another who is willing to take care of me sexually and is actually excited about our upcoming meeting.
As for finding a Dominant, I now must ask about experience. Probably should also ask about why they are single and what has happened in previous relationships.
I wish G was closer. I think he truly understands me and I know he loves me. I believe he would cherish me while exploring. He does often want to choke me but he tells me when I have gotten him to that point...lol.
Over the years and last several months, I have come to realize that I need a Dominant that is experienced. The inexperience ones become easily frustrated and show weakness which I'm able to exploit. Plus the inexperience ones feel full of themselves. Being aggressive sexually doesn't always mean one is a Dominant. The inexperience ones appear to be inpatient and don't always have the necessary information or rely on those with questionable characters for information which is shows their unreliability to the lifestyle.
I've had a bad week where the intent was the blame was to be placed on me. I was reportedly argumentative and sexually undesirable. I have the ability to be argumentative but wasn't. As for sexually undesirable that is so far from the truth and I won't even begin to make that my issue.
I have spoken to 2 ex partners who disagree and would love to have time with me. I also spoke with a man that could actually dominate me if we were in the same state who disagrees and he hasn't been with me. Then there was another who is willing to take care of me sexually and is actually excited about our upcoming meeting.
As for finding a Dominant, I now must ask about experience. Probably should also ask about why they are single and what has happened in previous relationships.
I wish G was closer. I think he truly understands me and I know he loves me. I believe he would cherish me while exploring. He does often want to choke me but he tells me when I have gotten him to that point...lol.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
A submissive's Bill of Rights
You have the right to be treated with respect.
Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
You have the right to be proud of what you are.
Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
You have the right to feel safe.
Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
You have the right to your emotions and feelings.
Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
You have the right to express your negative feelings.
Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns.Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
You have the right to say NO.
Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate your 'NO' can be confused with an ongoing 'YES'. When anything in your consensual scene makes you feel unsafe in any way, communicate that, and remove any doubt.
You have the right to expect happiness in life.
Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
You have the right to have input in a relationship.
You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
You have the right to belong.
Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
You have the right to be loved and to love.
Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
You have the right to be healthy.
Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
You have the right to practice safe sex.
Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
Author Unknown
Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
You have the right to be proud of what you are.
Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
You have the right to feel safe.
Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
You have the right to your emotions and feelings.
Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
You have the right to express your negative feelings.
Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns.Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
You have the right to say NO.
Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate your 'NO' can be confused with an ongoing 'YES'. When anything in your consensual scene makes you feel unsafe in any way, communicate that, and remove any doubt.
You have the right to expect happiness in life.
Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
You have the right to have input in a relationship.
You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
You have the right to belong.
Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
You have the right to be loved and to love.
Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
You have the right to be healthy.
Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
You have the right to practice safe sex.
Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
Author Unknown
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Cravings
I'm a very independent, strong-willed woman who has been the matriarch of the family. I have always been the one to take care of any issue that may arise. I've worked and went to college while still being a force within my children's lives. My babies have always been a priority, actually my only priority. I always stated "my girls were unable to care for themselves but the men in my life were able too". Plus I knew that I was never a priority for any man.
All the men that I have been involved with has had their own agenda to operate by with little regard to what I needed or wanted so it has always been easy to walk away from these relationships. Don't get me wrong, I didn't walk away without hurt. I have always put my all into whatever I do and the includes my partners. I just haven't received the same from them.
So this leaves me lonely and craving. When I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, I sometimes crave to be tired up. I think the confinement would provide me with a level of safety and security which may help to elevate some of the negative that I'm feeling. I'm still waiting to test this theory.
Another theory/craving that I have is when I'm agitated, I want my partner to take control. I want to be forced to the bed, laying with the weight of my partner on top of me. Through touch, I want him to seduce my body. I want him tie me up to show me who is in control. I want him to proceed to convert my anger to those passionate feelings that I know exist. I want my neck kissed, my nipples pinched, my clit rubbed, licked and pinched. I want his fingers to probe my vagina and ass. I want him to tease me, take me almost to the brink of orgasm just to stop and repeat it over and over again. Then to take me and allow me the most intense release that I have ever felt.
Since I have learned about D/s, I have craved finding the right man to take control. At first, just in the bed room but once trust and respect have been established, I hope the limits are endless.
Friday, April 27, 2012
I'm awake and ranting
I'm awake as usual. I really should be sleeping and usually when I wake as I did tonight, I roll around the bed waiting to be reclaimed in the world of restfulness. However, tonight I decided to play online with the hope that I would become tired more quickly and get some rest. Its not working.
I've been reading through some groups, some threads are very thought provoking. Some are just individuals struggling as I have in the past, trying to get some insight on a situation within their lives. What I find amusing is some of the negative of the responses toward the OP. Its like ok I'm having a bad day so I'm sharing with you by putting you and your question down. I believe there is always a way to play the devil's advocate without being negative. But then some just like to grab attention.
The attention whores are the ones that get on my nerves. In the mental health field, we have a name for them...BORDERLINES...which is actually Borderline Personality Disorder. There is no cure for this, its learned behaviors, mostly negative. They scream for attention...look at me...look at how I've been hurt...look at what I can do...I'm the victim, someone come save me. I bet your thinking "Hell I know someone like that". They also lack the ability to take responsibility for there actions and must blame someone else for their failures. They are not honest. They could be caught in a lie and still not give you the truth. They attempt to manipulate people and situations. I must say, I really don't like Borderlines.
This is a good description of my stalker. She attempted to manipulate me in the beginning and when that didn't work, she thought lying would be a better way to cause me problems. However, she had a lot more time on her hands and has been very creative at time. Like knowing I'm sleeping with a mutually known person and they telling him I emailed her to inform her that I was with him. Oh, she did set up an email that was close to my ID, just not the right email, so that she could say "see here's the email". At a glance, you would have assumed it was mine like I said too much time.
Then the fact when something doesn't go the way she wants, she writes threats proclaiming someone has done her wrong. She's making more generalized statements now but still post to receive the sympathy, then apologizes stating she was having a "bad day". If your having a bad day, do you really need to post a thread giving the appearance that your a victim? Can't you just blog about your feeling? No you can't, you can't write. Or maybe your too embarrassed to write because people will see you for what you really are. I didn't forget, you do journal, just no one sees.
She likes to brag about her activities but changes the story someone confronts. Or when she wants to put another down, she forgets her back yard isn't exactly the neatness and she has told too many people different stories in order to get attention.
I believe this type of person will not be successful within this lifestyle especially if they are claiming to be a submissive. They don't think of others, only themselves. For everything they do, they have a hidden agenda. They again attempt to manipulate situations and people especially newbies that don't have a lot of information. They pretend to follow protocols but yet break they all. They say they have rules but they only exist on paper which make them worthless.
Ok...I think I'm done with my rant. Maybe now that I've cleared my mind I will be able to lay down and sleep. Oh, maybe I shouldn't wake up and read threads on Fetlife anymore when I can't sleep. Apparently it only agitates me...lol
Good Night
I've been reading through some groups, some threads are very thought provoking. Some are just individuals struggling as I have in the past, trying to get some insight on a situation within their lives. What I find amusing is some of the negative of the responses toward the OP. Its like ok I'm having a bad day so I'm sharing with you by putting you and your question down. I believe there is always a way to play the devil's advocate without being negative. But then some just like to grab attention.
The attention whores are the ones that get on my nerves. In the mental health field, we have a name for them...BORDERLINES...which is actually Borderline Personality Disorder. There is no cure for this, its learned behaviors, mostly negative. They scream for attention...look at me...look at how I've been hurt...look at what I can do...I'm the victim, someone come save me. I bet your thinking "Hell I know someone like that". They also lack the ability to take responsibility for there actions and must blame someone else for their failures. They are not honest. They could be caught in a lie and still not give you the truth. They attempt to manipulate people and situations. I must say, I really don't like Borderlines.
This is a good description of my stalker. She attempted to manipulate me in the beginning and when that didn't work, she thought lying would be a better way to cause me problems. However, she had a lot more time on her hands and has been very creative at time. Like knowing I'm sleeping with a mutually known person and they telling him I emailed her to inform her that I was with him. Oh, she did set up an email that was close to my ID, just not the right email, so that she could say "see here's the email". At a glance, you would have assumed it was mine like I said too much time.
Then the fact when something doesn't go the way she wants, she writes threats proclaiming someone has done her wrong. She's making more generalized statements now but still post to receive the sympathy, then apologizes stating she was having a "bad day". If your having a bad day, do you really need to post a thread giving the appearance that your a victim? Can't you just blog about your feeling? No you can't, you can't write. Or maybe your too embarrassed to write because people will see you for what you really are. I didn't forget, you do journal, just no one sees.
She likes to brag about her activities but changes the story someone confronts. Or when she wants to put another down, she forgets her back yard isn't exactly the neatness and she has told too many people different stories in order to get attention.
I believe this type of person will not be successful within this lifestyle especially if they are claiming to be a submissive. They don't think of others, only themselves. For everything they do, they have a hidden agenda. They again attempt to manipulate situations and people especially newbies that don't have a lot of information. They pretend to follow protocols but yet break they all. They say they have rules but they only exist on paper which make them worthless.
Ok...I think I'm done with my rant. Maybe now that I've cleared my mind I will be able to lay down and sleep. Oh, maybe I shouldn't wake up and read threads on Fetlife anymore when I can't sleep. Apparently it only agitates me...lol
Good Night
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Something to be proud of
I posted a comment to a thread. I was then approached by the group owner and encouraged to share my experience with the whole group by creating a new thread.
The following comments which were emailed to me give me great pride:
"Your reply a few moments really spoke to me. I'd like to ask you to consider making a new thread about it. I think it could be extremely helpful to some of the newer folks we have as members.
Blessings be -- and thank you (most sincerely) for your participation."
"Smiles...I look forward to it. I've enjoyed reading your posts."
I have received such great encouragement from my followers here but still had doubts about my ability to express my opinions without seeming to ramble. I guess I'm on the right track.
I have some ideas for future blogs and I hope I can retain the ideas until I have the time to write. Again, I would like to take a moment and truly thank all my followers for their encouragement and support.
The following comments which were emailed to me give me great pride:
"Your reply a few moments really spoke to me. I'd like to ask you to consider making a new thread about it. I think it could be extremely helpful to some of the newer folks we have as members.
Blessings be -- and thank you (most sincerely) for your participation."
"Smiles...I look forward to it. I've enjoyed reading your posts."
I have received such great encouragement from my followers here but still had doubts about my ability to express my opinions without seeming to ramble. I guess I'm on the right track.
I have some ideas for future blogs and I hope I can retain the ideas until I have the time to write. Again, I would like to take a moment and truly thank all my followers for their encouragement and support.
Monday, April 23, 2012
New Blog
I have started a new blog. Its currently under construction but will be sending invites to those who wish to continue to follow my awakening. Well I will need to figure out how to send invites...lol.
I really want to thank those that have followed my progress, not just in my submission but my writing also. I really do believe its a good outlet.
I really want to thank those that have followed my progress, not just in my submission but my writing also. I really do believe its a good outlet.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
FYI...Stalker Bitch
WOW...2nd incident of physical stalking occurred today. I believe in the state of Ohio the 3rd incident will allow me to file charges...is this continued stalking worth catching a case? NOW...LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. STAY OFF MY BLOG PAGE.
Due to the stupid bitch that continues to manipulate statements that I make to serve her own purpose, I will be writing my blog on a different site. I will occasionally write here but due to my stalker, I'm unable to write my feelings, thoughts and perspectives. I just want to write so that I can clear my head and process whats going on with me.
Due to the stupid bitch that continues to manipulate statements that I make to serve her own purpose, I will be writing my blog on a different site. I will occasionally write here but due to my stalker, I'm unable to write my feelings, thoughts and perspectives. I just want to write so that I can clear my head and process whats going on with me.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Feeling Good
I love waking up knowing I get the chance to get cute and impress another. I know, I'm not suppose to do anything for another but for myself. But in this lifestyle, we do it for another most of the time. The results are it makes yourself also feel good and puts a positive spin for the day and sometimes longer.
Well, I've shaved and showered. I should dye my hair but I believe I need another box because of all my hair which is quit thick and long. I'm stopping to get my eyebrows done. I'm not going to be accused of always looking frumpy, I have several nice blouses and jeans. Oh, can't forget the push up bra for cleavage...lol. Hopefully I will be bending over a pool table that site is impressive...lol.
I hope all my blogger followers have as good of day and what I'm planning too...even through its cold and rainy.
Well, I've shaved and showered. I should dye my hair but I believe I need another box because of all my hair which is quit thick and long. I'm stopping to get my eyebrows done. I'm not going to be accused of always looking frumpy, I have several nice blouses and jeans. Oh, can't forget the push up bra for cleavage...lol. Hopefully I will be bending over a pool table that site is impressive...lol.
I hope all my blogger followers have as good of day and what I'm planning too...even through its cold and rainy.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Karma...so sweet
When Karma hits someone that so deserves its wrath, its so sweet to be available to see. My stalker is suffering from Karma's effects. Games just don't pay. Its so better to sit and watch as someone spirals out of control because she refused to see the limits she breached. Lying and manipulating people and friends, was it worth it?
Now maybe I can get back on track with my play partner that is if I choose. He has gave me my answer as to how he would like to define our friendship. But I don't know if that is what I want at this time. Maybe if he proves himself trustworthy since he won't be listening to information from unreliable sources that stalker so often offered. He will actually become the Dominant that he has the potential to be.
So Sweet...
Now maybe I can get back on track with my play partner that is if I choose. He has gave me my answer as to how he would like to define our friendship. But I don't know if that is what I want at this time. Maybe if he proves himself trustworthy since he won't be listening to information from unreliable sources that stalker so often offered. He will actually become the Dominant that he has the potential to be.
So Sweet...
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Experimenting
After re-reading chapter 4 of Lisa's Training by FloridaDom and some juicy pages in the second book of Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy, I needed to try clothespins and nipple clamps on myself. I've had a friend place clothespins on my pussy lips and clit but I had never done it myself.
So I had this thought, while I'm cleaning the bathroom I would put the clothespins on my pussy lips and the nipple clamps on my nipples. There was some minimal displeasure but nothing extreme. I could feel my pussy getting wet.
The real discomfort came when I removed the clothespins from my pussy but it still wasn't anything extreme. I then proceeded to masturbate. I was amazed at how quickly I had an orgasm. I didn't remove the nipple clamps immediately, I tugged on them until they slipped off.
I'm actually quite shocked, my nipples were always so sensitive that I didn't want any amount of pressured applied to them. But since being involved in the lifestyle, they have toughened up. Nipples seem to be an area of focus for most dominant men...lol
One thing that I have learned in the last couple of months since I have been abstinent is that I enjoy an orgasm more when several areas are stimulated at once. I usually have a dildo in my pussy, another in my ass, vibrator on my clit and clothespins or nipple clamps. I usually orgasm multiple time and then I'm able to build to the one I actually crazing. The orgasm that rocks you to your toes.
I know this is probably TMI but I felt the need to share. Its amazing what we can continue to learn about ourselves. Now I need to learn to tie myself up. There is a Bondage Intensive event coming in July which may help me gain this skill. Plus it helps to have friends that do bondage demos...lol
So I had this thought, while I'm cleaning the bathroom I would put the clothespins on my pussy lips and the nipple clamps on my nipples. There was some minimal displeasure but nothing extreme. I could feel my pussy getting wet.
The real discomfort came when I removed the clothespins from my pussy but it still wasn't anything extreme. I then proceeded to masturbate. I was amazed at how quickly I had an orgasm. I didn't remove the nipple clamps immediately, I tugged on them until they slipped off.
I'm actually quite shocked, my nipples were always so sensitive that I didn't want any amount of pressured applied to them. But since being involved in the lifestyle, they have toughened up. Nipples seem to be an area of focus for most dominant men...lol
One thing that I have learned in the last couple of months since I have been abstinent is that I enjoy an orgasm more when several areas are stimulated at once. I usually have a dildo in my pussy, another in my ass, vibrator on my clit and clothespins or nipple clamps. I usually orgasm multiple time and then I'm able to build to the one I actually crazing. The orgasm that rocks you to your toes.
I know this is probably TMI but I felt the need to share. Its amazing what we can continue to learn about ourselves. Now I need to learn to tie myself up. There is a Bondage Intensive event coming in July which may help me gain this skill. Plus it helps to have friends that do bondage demos...lol
Suggested Books and Blogs
As for suggested blogs, I have emailed him certain blogs writtern from the following.
http://adauntlessjourney.blogspot.com/
http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/
http://floridadomscorner.blogspot.com/
These are all dominants that have a wealth of information. FloridaDom has written a series Lisa's Training which in my opinion is the essence of what I'm looking for.
As for books, Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel, PhD, Rope, Bondage, and Power Issue editor Lee Harrington and Series editor Robert Rubel, PhD. But recent books that are hot on the shelves are the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy by E L James. There are also Different Loving: the world of sexual dominance and submission by The Brames and Jon Jacobs and An Owned Life by Denis Najee.
I have more books on my to read list. I usually find the books in Google which will let you read some of the book minus some important pages but you can get an idea if the book is actually worth reading. I believe I have a list of 20 books on my current to read.
@ Autumn Raine...I hopes this helps and you find some good reading just as I have. For bottoms, I have read The New Bottoming by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy. Some of the books especially geared toward the dominant suggest the submissive/slave as for permission before reading.
http://adauntlessjourney.blogspot.com/
http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/
http://floridadomscorner.blogspot.com/
These are all dominants that have a wealth of information. FloridaDom has written a series Lisa's Training which in my opinion is the essence of what I'm looking for.
As for books, Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel, PhD, Rope, Bondage, and Power Issue editor Lee Harrington and Series editor Robert Rubel, PhD. But recent books that are hot on the shelves are the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy by E L James. There are also Different Loving: the world of sexual dominance and submission by The Brames and Jon Jacobs and An Owned Life by Denis Najee.
I have more books on my to read list. I usually find the books in Google which will let you read some of the book minus some important pages but you can get an idea if the book is actually worth reading. I believe I have a list of 20 books on my current to read.
@ Autumn Raine...I hopes this helps and you find some good reading just as I have. For bottoms, I have read The New Bottoming by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy. Some of the books especially geared toward the dominant suggest the submissive/slave as for permission before reading.
Got my answer
In a previous blog, I stated I ask a friend to define our relationship. I actually ask him twice. Well, within hours of my second request, I got my answer. He stated he wanted a D/s relationship. This shocked me because that wasn't how I thought he would define our friendship. But silently, I was ecstatic.
I have my doubts about entering a D/s relationship simply because I don't think he is able to dominant me. He hasn't found himself as a Dominant yet. The title was thrown on him by another with no information as to how he should. I explained this and he finally understood what I was talking about.
I'm sending him blogs that I find that I think would be helpful. I have told him of the books I'm currently reading which I hope he will take the time to read also. He has also realized he needs to be financially stable to fully take advantage of all the lifestyle has to offer such as educational events, demo and other lifestyle get togethers.
I think this will be an interesting couple of months.
I have my doubts about entering a D/s relationship simply because I don't think he is able to dominant me. He hasn't found himself as a Dominant yet. The title was thrown on him by another with no information as to how he should. I explained this and he finally understood what I was talking about.
I'm sending him blogs that I find that I think would be helpful. I have told him of the books I'm currently reading which I hope he will take the time to read also. He has also realized he needs to be financially stable to fully take advantage of all the lifestyle has to offer such as educational events, demo and other lifestyle get togethers.
I think this will be an interesting couple of months.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Throwing my hands in the air...
What is it with men that state they are Dominant? (Oh, stalker I'm not talking about our mutual involvement.) I was approached earlier this week via email on Fetlife. The master (yes lower case due his being self proclaimed) stated "hii am looking for you check my profile looking to move you in...MASTER".
I responded "First, I don't think you are looking for me. I'm not looking to move at this time. You may want to consider a different approach. I'm an independent free thinking woman who doesn't appreciate the approach you have taken." I thought this would prompt him to leave me alone but it didn't. He responded "and why are u not looking to move,as to the approach I am telling you my likes,my thoughts,my needs. I like your name,you photos and i like you. lets talk...MASTER WILLIAM"
I won't bore you with the rest of the bs. I did explain why I was unable to move and in another email I ask the following "Plus I would ask, where did you see my profile? Did you read my profile or blog? Are you involved in your local community? What philosophy do you follow in the lifestyle such as Old Guard or Gorean? What do you believe the role of a dominant? submissive?"
I also explained that I didn't have an appreciation for men who put their dick pics as their profile pics. In my opinion, they aren't real doms, they are only looking for the sexual side of BDSM when there is so much more. I also stated I don't just lay down...his response was "WOW well you are a first you say my putting my dick on display is for sex only now that is a first. i am proude of my dick so i do show it only,also i want you/all to know what your getting.
you ask am i involved in my local community.what philosophy do i follow,and what do i think of a dominant and submissive
well ill answer the DOMub part
I DOM will tack care of you and you being a sub will tack care of your DOM
as to you laying down WOWif you feel that way woman you are not a sub.................................................
MASTER WIIAM"
I thanked him for his interest and I don't think he appreciated being turned down. What makes some men think that submissive means weak and needy? We have blank minds and choose to follow their thinking and not our own.
Then to top off the week, someone that I haven't spoken too in months felt the need to tell me that he found a pet on Fetlife and she greatly pleased him. What does he think he's doing? Trying to tell me that I've missed out...I don't think so. I wasn't impressed with him when we were talking, why would I care.
How many more do I need to suffer? Why can't a Dominant that meets my standards present? I really shouldn't say that. I have had discussions with Dominants that I would love to serve and submit too, they are just miles and miles away. I still maintain hope.
I responded "First, I don't think you are looking for me. I'm not looking to move at this time. You may want to consider a different approach. I'm an independent free thinking woman who doesn't appreciate the approach you have taken." I thought this would prompt him to leave me alone but it didn't. He responded "and why are u not looking to move,as to the approach I am telling you my likes,my thoughts,my needs. I like your name,you photos and i like you. lets talk...MASTER WILLIAM"
I won't bore you with the rest of the bs. I did explain why I was unable to move and in another email I ask the following "Plus I would ask, where did you see my profile? Did you read my profile or blog? Are you involved in your local community? What philosophy do you follow in the lifestyle such as Old Guard or Gorean? What do you believe the role of a dominant? submissive?"
I also explained that I didn't have an appreciation for men who put their dick pics as their profile pics. In my opinion, they aren't real doms, they are only looking for the sexual side of BDSM when there is so much more. I also stated I don't just lay down...his response was "WOW well you are a first you say my putting my dick on display is for sex only now that is a first. i am proude of my dick so i do show it only,also i want you/all to know what your getting.
you ask am i involved in my local community.what philosophy do i follow,and what do i think of a dominant and submissive
well ill answer the DOMub part
I DOM will tack care of you and you being a sub will tack care of your DOM
as to you laying down WOWif you feel that way woman you are not a sub.................................................
MASTER WIIAM"
I thanked him for his interest and I don't think he appreciated being turned down. What makes some men think that submissive means weak and needy? We have blank minds and choose to follow their thinking and not our own.
Then to top off the week, someone that I haven't spoken too in months felt the need to tell me that he found a pet on Fetlife and she greatly pleased him. What does he think he's doing? Trying to tell me that I've missed out...I don't think so. I wasn't impressed with him when we were talking, why would I care.
How many more do I need to suffer? Why can't a Dominant that meets my standards present? I really shouldn't say that. I have had discussions with Dominants that I would love to serve and submit too, they are just miles and miles away. I still maintain hope.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Frustrated yet again...
Over the weekend, I thought I had resolved issues with a friend. However, I'm wondering what exactly he wants. I thought I made myself clear but I've been thinking, maybe he isn't listening.
He stated he wanted to see me and spend time with me when that really didn't occur. It was the same as usual. Don't get me wrong, he spend a little time with me but it was more "I need to do this and that". Then while we were talking, he was again distracted.
I told him upfront that he had nothing to offer me but he still insisted on seeing me. I on the other hand have a lot to offer him which is willingly accepted. I look out for his reputation, I know what he wants and likes. I could actually help him with all his goals.
I just don't understand why he feels the need to assist a bitch that does nothing but disgrace, disrespect and embarrass him. His friends and family don't want her around due to her bad behavior. As her jealousy and tantrums increase, more and more are seeing just how bad it is. I bet they are also wondering why he tolerates the abuse that she offers on a regular basis. We haven't discussed the lies. He knows more than she thinks and knows that she has lied to his face but for some reason he believes there is an obligation. He had a chance to escape but she manipulated the situation and again trapped him.
Now he isn't innocent so don't think that. He has made poor decisions and continues too. All the positive he was doing to move toward his goals has been turned into a negative. He has so much potential but can't seem to move past this stagnation.
I have ask him twice now to define the relationship that he would like with me. If he chooses not too then I will be forced to develop the definition. It probably won't be what he wants but I have given him a chance. I can't put my life on hold due to his decisiveness.
He wants to learn to be a Dominant but doesn't want to step up to the level he needs. If he would put in place certain standards, it would be a positive effect on all parts of his life, not just within the lifestyle.
Time will tell which way he will go and if he chooses success or disgrace at the hands of another.
He stated he wanted to see me and spend time with me when that really didn't occur. It was the same as usual. Don't get me wrong, he spend a little time with me but it was more "I need to do this and that". Then while we were talking, he was again distracted.
I told him upfront that he had nothing to offer me but he still insisted on seeing me. I on the other hand have a lot to offer him which is willingly accepted. I look out for his reputation, I know what he wants and likes. I could actually help him with all his goals.
I just don't understand why he feels the need to assist a bitch that does nothing but disgrace, disrespect and embarrass him. His friends and family don't want her around due to her bad behavior. As her jealousy and tantrums increase, more and more are seeing just how bad it is. I bet they are also wondering why he tolerates the abuse that she offers on a regular basis. We haven't discussed the lies. He knows more than she thinks and knows that she has lied to his face but for some reason he believes there is an obligation. He had a chance to escape but she manipulated the situation and again trapped him.
Now he isn't innocent so don't think that. He has made poor decisions and continues too. All the positive he was doing to move toward his goals has been turned into a negative. He has so much potential but can't seem to move past this stagnation.
I have ask him twice now to define the relationship that he would like with me. If he chooses not too then I will be forced to develop the definition. It probably won't be what he wants but I have given him a chance. I can't put my life on hold due to his decisiveness.
He wants to learn to be a Dominant but doesn't want to step up to the level he needs. If he would put in place certain standards, it would be a positive effect on all parts of his life, not just within the lifestyle.
Time will tell which way he will go and if he chooses success or disgrace at the hands of another.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Figuring Out What To Do
The second and third weekends of the month is always so busy. Its so hard to determine exactly which part of the state to go to. Columbus has several events such as AIS's Perversion Diversion where lifestylers are able to be vanilla while standing on the edge of kink. And up north, Akron's Purple Rose Society has their munch/demo/play party. I believe the demo is on fire this month. Plus there are some education things with Rev Dawn and another dealing with photography.
Next Friday is Fetish Friday at the local swing club in Columbus which is featuring a Domme' who will be discussing presenting with a purpose. On Saturday, I believe Canton is holding their monthly event which will be discussing hair bondage.
Oh, the last weekend has a great event in Pittsburgh then we go into the month of May. The spring and summer are looking so great. One just has to decide which to attend.
Next Friday is Fetish Friday at the local swing club in Columbus which is featuring a Domme' who will be discussing presenting with a purpose. On Saturday, I believe Canton is holding their monthly event which will be discussing hair bondage.
Oh, the last weekend has a great event in Pittsburgh then we go into the month of May. The spring and summer are looking so great. One just has to decide which to attend.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Wow...Overall Good Day
First I need to say, I have a great mechanic. He found a potentially serious problem and then fixed it. Even though, I did have to call him because he wasn't at the shop when I arrived.
The only bad thing was stalker bitch decided to take her stalking to the next level. She was observed sitting outside the shop's fence. For some reason, she did get the balls to walk in for something but only pissed my mechanic off. She was rude to him and he has decided that she isn't permitted around his business. So people are now seeing her behaviors, its not just my imagination.
On the most positive, me and a friend were able to talk about the riff in our friendship. I believe things are back on track.
I also have come up with a great birthday gift for my friend. It didn't take me posting in every group on Fetlife, it only took me knowing him.
The only bad thing was stalker bitch decided to take her stalking to the next level. She was observed sitting outside the shop's fence. For some reason, she did get the balls to walk in for something but only pissed my mechanic off. She was rude to him and he has decided that she isn't permitted around his business. So people are now seeing her behaviors, its not just my imagination.
On the most positive, me and a friend were able to talk about the riff in our friendship. I believe things are back on track.
I also have come up with a great birthday gift for my friend. It didn't take me posting in every group on Fetlife, it only took me knowing him.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
OMG...thankful that the week is ending...
I believe my mechanic is trying to kill me...lol I have to make a trip to see him because the one devoted to me needs some tender loving care. He is open the mornings on Saturdays so instead of sleeping in and getting some quality time with my computer, I will be making a trip to the mechanic's.
I'm finally getting a feeling for my new job but I love using the line "I'm new". There are areas where there is only complete chaos with absolutely no organization. So my intent is to make my little word and little organized so that things will be more efficient.
Amongst the chaos of work, my stalker made another appearance. I received an email from a friend of hers but I'm still unsure exactly what the goal was. Things were done so that only thing I can think of is she is bored or wants to resolve things. If its the latter, my suggestion is stop being stupid and contact me directly. The reason I threw the latter in, I believe the friend is actually a fake page and its really her. I do believe things blew up, I contacted our mutual friend. Informed him of the interaction with her friend and when the drama started, I blocked the page so I didn't have any further involvement.
Plus in the middle of all this, I had a family emergency which ended up being nothing. But it was better to be safe than sorry. I wanted to sit on my couch but I don't believe this weekend will provide any relief due to car maintenance and the Easter holiday...no rest...:(
Just had a thought, I might take my bottle of wine to my mechanics. Get the car worked on, play on the internet and wine to relax, that just might make the beginning of a good day, maybe even the weekend.
I'm finally getting a feeling for my new job but I love using the line "I'm new". There are areas where there is only complete chaos with absolutely no organization. So my intent is to make my little word and little organized so that things will be more efficient.
Amongst the chaos of work, my stalker made another appearance. I received an email from a friend of hers but I'm still unsure exactly what the goal was. Things were done so that only thing I can think of is she is bored or wants to resolve things. If its the latter, my suggestion is stop being stupid and contact me directly. The reason I threw the latter in, I believe the friend is actually a fake page and its really her. I do believe things blew up, I contacted our mutual friend. Informed him of the interaction with her friend and when the drama started, I blocked the page so I didn't have any further involvement.
Plus in the middle of all this, I had a family emergency which ended up being nothing. But it was better to be safe than sorry. I wanted to sit on my couch but I don't believe this weekend will provide any relief due to car maintenance and the Easter holiday...no rest...:(
Just had a thought, I might take my bottle of wine to my mechanics. Get the car worked on, play on the internet and wine to relax, that just might make the beginning of a good day, maybe even the weekend.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Reading
I heard some great reviews on Fifty Shades of Grey so with the gift card I received from Luna for the Blog Hop, I decided to buy it. I also downloaded Kindle for my PC so I didn't have to wait to get the book in the mail.
Ok...I'm 4 chapters into the book and I wish there were more men like Christian Grey. I want to feel like Ana does. There has been a few men that has intimidated me the way Grey does her and I probably acted the same way. I try to escape, avoid eye contact and just don't know how to verbalize the way I'm feeling. Only with me, the men are only mildly interested and don't pursue.
Well, on to the book. I hope to finish it by tomorrow, all 26 chapters. I want to get to the really interesting BDSM parts. They will probably send me over the edge.
Ok...I'm 4 chapters into the book and I wish there were more men like Christian Grey. I want to feel like Ana does. There has been a few men that has intimidated me the way Grey does her and I probably acted the same way. I try to escape, avoid eye contact and just don't know how to verbalize the way I'm feeling. Only with me, the men are only mildly interested and don't pursue.
Well, on to the book. I hope to finish it by tomorrow, all 26 chapters. I want to get to the really interesting BDSM parts. They will probably send me over the edge.
What I think I need...
Working severely cuts into my computer time...lol. But then again, when you are a single, independent woman with no one else to take care of you, I think work is a necessity.
Seriously, I've been thinking a lot in the last few nights and I believe I have come to accept that I will be single for most likely the rest of my life. Some will say that is sad that I think that way but I really don't have a good track record with men. And now, I'm so overly cautious that won't allow any man in.
I guess I have been thinking about this since I blew yet another off. For several months, we had been texting. Several times I told him when I was coming his way only not to have a response or to be informed that he was already busy. I understand, I'm not the only one with a family and work but to continue to say "we can just hang out".
My conclusion is I don't want to just hang out. I don't want to take someone to a swing club so they can only look for other women. I don't want a serious relationship at this time in my life. I don't want the drama men have to offer because of the unsavory women they choose to have around them. I'm amazed that more women don't see the patterns they offer and would rather blame women for all the issues of the relationship instead of the men that are the heart of the problem. I just don't have the time. I, also, don't want to initiate someone wanting to explore their dominant side.
What I do want is a "booty call" buddy. Someone I could go see, have great sex and I leave. Sometimes I think I want more but the men that seem to draw my attention aren't those with quality characters. The only thing they really have to offer is sex. They don't appear to have the capacity to join me at my emotional level. They are usually extremely self absorb. Its all about them, their needs and wants. They are so blinded that they can't see or hear any problems.
I do take credit for part of the problem because I become comfortable. I let my guard down and become to involved with their neediness. Also, I attempt to prove my value and they see something different. Eventually, I do become disturbed with what is going on and tired of sitting on the side lines while they continue to be self absorb.
So instead of going through this dance over and over, I'm only going to accept those that want a sexually intense relationship. That is what has seemed to work for me in the past. If feelings are remotely discussed that will be my cue to exit and find another that is willing to live within the boundaries that I establish.
As for my participation in the lifestyle, I will continue to explore and build relationships with creditable people. Locally, we have a great community with strong leadership that won't tolerate the drama that some insist on creating. I feel safe attending events and even seeking tops to negotiate a scene.
Seriously, I've been thinking a lot in the last few nights and I believe I have come to accept that I will be single for most likely the rest of my life. Some will say that is sad that I think that way but I really don't have a good track record with men. And now, I'm so overly cautious that won't allow any man in.
I guess I have been thinking about this since I blew yet another off. For several months, we had been texting. Several times I told him when I was coming his way only not to have a response or to be informed that he was already busy. I understand, I'm not the only one with a family and work but to continue to say "we can just hang out".
My conclusion is I don't want to just hang out. I don't want to take someone to a swing club so they can only look for other women. I don't want a serious relationship at this time in my life. I don't want the drama men have to offer because of the unsavory women they choose to have around them. I'm amazed that more women don't see the patterns they offer and would rather blame women for all the issues of the relationship instead of the men that are the heart of the problem. I just don't have the time. I, also, don't want to initiate someone wanting to explore their dominant side.
What I do want is a "booty call" buddy. Someone I could go see, have great sex and I leave. Sometimes I think I want more but the men that seem to draw my attention aren't those with quality characters. The only thing they really have to offer is sex. They don't appear to have the capacity to join me at my emotional level. They are usually extremely self absorb. Its all about them, their needs and wants. They are so blinded that they can't see or hear any problems.
I do take credit for part of the problem because I become comfortable. I let my guard down and become to involved with their neediness. Also, I attempt to prove my value and they see something different. Eventually, I do become disturbed with what is going on and tired of sitting on the side lines while they continue to be self absorb.
So instead of going through this dance over and over, I'm only going to accept those that want a sexually intense relationship. That is what has seemed to work for me in the past. If feelings are remotely discussed that will be my cue to exit and find another that is willing to live within the boundaries that I establish.
As for my participation in the lifestyle, I will continue to explore and build relationships with creditable people. Locally, we have a great community with strong leadership that won't tolerate the drama that some insist on creating. I feel safe attending events and even seeking tops to negotiate a scene.
Friday, March 30, 2012
What is a Good Dom (or Good MAN, for That Matter?) Found this on Fetlife
What is a Good Dom (or Good MAN, for That Matter?)
Finding a man is no easy task for submissive ladies. It seems many women do not understand the red flags signaling “Beware.”
- A dominant man will not start off by with, 'Bow down on your knees upon receipt of my message!' There seems to be many complaints from women about this kind of ploy as first introduction, and this is reason alone to 'block n’ move on.' (I would advise ladies to use this tactic often and liberally rather than engage in argument or flame wars…life is too short.). Ignore the Insta-Dom.
- A dominant man will not seem ‘desperate’ for your attention. Getting dates or getting laid is not his problem; he can find women on kink sites, at work, or in the grocery store. He knows women, and women are drawn to him. Many women, kink or vanilla, prefer a man who is take-charge both in the bedroom and in life. If a 'Dom' becomes frantic, anxious, or despairing because you don’t write him back every other hour, chances are he has a hard time with the fairer sex. The good news is desperation is easy to spot.
- A dominant man most often will be successful, a maverick, or at least happy in his chosen profession. If he has had some bad luck in his past, it will be fleeting, for he will strive relentlessly to place his universe back into the order mandatory to his existence. If your suitor languishes in poverty, unemployment for years, or hates his job, most likely his dominance is merely a cover-up to appease his lack of success. Though he may not be the millionaire, look for the man who is happy, confident, unique, and/or successful in his chosen endeavor.
- A dominant man will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get his attention). He will see you as a puzzle, and desire to make sense of that puzzle. The dominant guy loves challenge and that in essence is why so many submissives find disillusion in the vanilla world; most men do not seek challenge in sensuality, they fear it. Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy. Their fantasies often require a man to move far outside normal gestures requiring both skill and creativity. How you think about a myriad of criterion will be of great interest to him.
- A dominant man is likely to be damn good in the sack. Most men have their hands full with straight-up vanilla sex. The dominant man has either mastered or has no interest in such elementary play, at least not all the time. Making a woman orgasm many times has left him bereft of sport, so he now seeks a woman who will challenge him on other levels. The dominant guy is going to have a good understanding of the female anatomy, and will persist in finding the keys to your body and mind. He will have done his homework and already experimented in real-time on many lovers. He will be a bit of the Don Juan, if not Don himself; not a womanizer per se, but certainly sexually advanced.
- A dominant man may have all the accoutrement of kink (the whips, chains, and whatnot), but he will not need them to be dominant. A whisper, a word, a look, a swagger, and a touch are the essence of his talent. Confidence is his weapon of choice, not bragging about his dungeon. Those who tout their toys too highly might well be lacking in other departments.
- A dominant man will be very cautious in selecting you because he knows you have great desires, hopes, and dreams, and it is he that has to live up to them. Above all things he will wish to be good for you. He attempts to choose wisely but may at first make many mistakes in his choices as he finds his way.
- A dominant man will make mistakes and have no fear admitting them. The dominant guy knows he is not All Knowing, for he is human. A guy who believes he never makes mistakes or does not admit to them with good cheer is most likely not dominant.
- A dominant man will never send you a cock shot at first greeting and it is highly unlikely that he’ll have one on his profile.
- A dominant man will not beg you for naked photographs. In fact, he won’t beg for anything. He will simply wait till you’re dying to send him your naughty pictures unsolicited and accept them with lordly composure (or a rock hard-on, depending on the photo).
- A dominant man will never lie about being married or already having a girlfriend. If he’s married to vanilla, he’ll simply say so. If he’s dating vanilla, he’ll break up with her before venturing in with another (less he’s doing a poly thing and brings her along, or in an open relationship). The dominant guy is straightforward, will wish to be plain about his true desires and needs, and if he is attached, will be forthcoming with that information. If he’s cheating on his vanilla wife, he will say so. He made his choice and is going for it.
- A dominant man won’t lie about much, though he surely will keep some of his thoughts from you. A Dom who feels swallowing golden showers to be right up your alley may well know telling you straight out might have you running for cover. This is not in itself lying, he’s just taking the appropriate steps first and at the speed he thinks you can absorb them (he may well discard such thoughts as he gets to know you; he will discard his thoughts often). The lying 'dom' will have an agenda that has no bearing on your needs. The real dominant guy wants no part of someone for whom he cannot be good. A man who attempts to get with a woman he cannot handle or vice versa is desperate.
- A dominant man will not be heavy handed in his approach. He will be skilled at drawing you in, opening you up, making you feel at ease or on edge (depending on his tastes). His efforts will seem effortless; even aloof at times. He will grow on you. Capture you. Enlighten you and make things seem clear that may have been once blurry. You will feel better about yourself when communicating with him (even if your desire is to live in debasement!). Only an impostor will try to tear you down in order to raise himself to higher ground. The dominate gets off by watching you soar, not fall.
In essence, taking on a submissive is both invigorating and empowering yet also a humbling experience. He may err constantly, particularly if he is new. Yet he will always, always strive to be better, and though he longs and seeks challenge, he will avoid that which he knows he cannot handle, or will in some near future be unable to handle. It may take time but he will understand his own limits as well as his woman’s.
A submissive is a truckload of challenge (ask their ex-vanilla lovers), and so the dominant man needs you like he needs air. He wants your worship not simply for worship sake but because he has gone beyond the call of the norm, ventured into the realm of risk, and passing across the dangerous abyss where footing is treacherous, hopefully breaks into the sunshine of success offering you something glorious. THAT alone is why he seeks your worship; because he has earned it and deserves it.
If a man does not seek risk and challenge in his life, if he wishes worship without venturing his ego, if he does not persist continually toward excellence in handling a woman as he does in many things, he is not a dominant man.
Happy hunting!
~Author Unknown
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Submissive Challenge #6
Submissives you look up too
We all have people in our lives that we admire, emulate or respect. Tell us about a couple submissives that you currently look up to and why.
I have several women that I look up too within this lifestyle. They are at various levels and all show openness and confidence in their roles. Two identify as slaves and I believe the rest are submissives. Several I have meet face to face and the others are online at this time.
The ones that I have met face to face are D and S1. They both do demos and share their knowledge with the community. D is co-presenter with her Master. They have written a book M/s relationships and do educational events on sacred sexuality. I’ve heard D speak about how she began and I related to what she was saying. I have some similar feelings of shyness and overshadowing vanilla philosophies. Others have attested that she has come so far since their initial meeting of D. So I have hope that if I connect with the right individual, I will also blossom.
S1 was the 3rd person in my first scene. I had become overwhelmed and she assisted with making me feel safe. She has been kind, supportive and I love her energy. I believe we are friends and I hope to spend more time with her in the future.
S2 is online at this time but I have hopes of meeting her in person. I was asked to friend her by a mutual friend. I don’t believe our mutual friend was a dom, just a man who claimed the title. We would chat often and she had a thirst to learn. As she learned and grew, I believe she realized that she had grown above where he was. She had the strength to move to the next level. She continues to learn and grow but her openness and growing confidence is what I admire most.
The others write blogs I follow. They write on a variety of topics ranging from day to day life and frustrations to scenes that they have witnessed or participated. A combination all of have helped me gain information to help me determine my path. They are community leaders to just regular individuals but their actions allow me to give them the respect and the desire to be like them.
Oh...there was one that I forgot to mention. I look up to Luna. Her courage to write her blog and begin submissiveguide.com so that new and old may share information has greatly assisted in my growth.
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