I'm so tired of others starting drama in my life because they haven't enough in their own. Or should I say thier life is too pathetic that they must create drama in anothers.
Once again the threat had been made to contact my employer. For some reason, some who share this lifestyle blur the lines between personal and professional. As a professional, I'm permitted to have a personal life as long as it doesn't cross the line to illegal. I do believe that I'm an adult and permitted to explore my sexuality in any manner I see fit.
I'm at a lose as to possible resolutions for this problem. I'm impulsive and having a hard time not reacting negatively.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Day 3: Discovery
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
My discover was really unexpected and happened when I was a teenager. My knowledge of my discover was years ago. Reading this you will probably think I'm crazy which I can be but not on this point. I was naive and scared to explore. When I finally began my exploration, years later, the light bulb lite up...lol.
When I was a teenager, I loved to wrestle with the boys. I didn't understand what my body was telling me. I wasn't sexually experienced and really didn't have anyone to speak to about the subject. I was shy and afraid to venture out and find the needed answers. So I pushed those feelings down, buried them.
As my second marriage had failed, I became involved with a Dominant blk man. I didn't see his domination because I was independent, strong-willed and stubborn. Plus it wasn't a forceful domination. We would meet and he always insisted on my wearing a blindfold through out the time we were together. If I would need anything, he would get it or assist me. This included taking me to the restroom. I never really understood why he insisted on the blindfold until years later.
I met a partner who I felt comfortable with. We shared what we were interested in and I entered the swinger lifestyle. All around me was information about BDSM. I took an intest but never disclosed to anyone. I had secret desires to be dominated, to give control to someone else. The big mountain to climb was trusting someone enough. The into my life comes a man who states he was a Dominate.
Acually, he didn't state it. He convinced me to hook up with him and in a phone conversation after he left, we got on the topic of toy bags. He disclosed he had one and I knew. I ask and he confirmed. I thought this would be a great time to explore this lifestyle. The doors opened.
I really didn't get a lot of good information on the first try. I became frustrated because this "supposed" Dom would only tell me to research. He wanted me to enter this lifestyle on my own and with knowledge of what I was getting into.
Several months later, I again began researching. I realized I was using the wrong words to search. The flood gate opened and a weath of information flooded me. This time the right information. I found Fetlife and several other sites that helped provide what I needed to accept what I am...a submissive.
Since receiving this information, I have read books, followed blogs, met people, ask questions and observed D/s relationships in real life. I continue to do all those things. I have also met a Dominate that will assist me with the next level. This is a very exciting time.
My discover was really unexpected and happened when I was a teenager. My knowledge of my discover was years ago. Reading this you will probably think I'm crazy which I can be but not on this point. I was naive and scared to explore. When I finally began my exploration, years later, the light bulb lite up...lol.
When I was a teenager, I loved to wrestle with the boys. I didn't understand what my body was telling me. I wasn't sexually experienced and really didn't have anyone to speak to about the subject. I was shy and afraid to venture out and find the needed answers. So I pushed those feelings down, buried them.
As my second marriage had failed, I became involved with a Dominant blk man. I didn't see his domination because I was independent, strong-willed and stubborn. Plus it wasn't a forceful domination. We would meet and he always insisted on my wearing a blindfold through out the time we were together. If I would need anything, he would get it or assist me. This included taking me to the restroom. I never really understood why he insisted on the blindfold until years later.
I met a partner who I felt comfortable with. We shared what we were interested in and I entered the swinger lifestyle. All around me was information about BDSM. I took an intest but never disclosed to anyone. I had secret desires to be dominated, to give control to someone else. The big mountain to climb was trusting someone enough. The into my life comes a man who states he was a Dominate.
Acually, he didn't state it. He convinced me to hook up with him and in a phone conversation after he left, we got on the topic of toy bags. He disclosed he had one and I knew. I ask and he confirmed. I thought this would be a great time to explore this lifestyle. The doors opened.
I really didn't get a lot of good information on the first try. I became frustrated because this "supposed" Dom would only tell me to research. He wanted me to enter this lifestyle on my own and with knowledge of what I was getting into.
Several months later, I again began researching. I realized I was using the wrong words to search. The flood gate opened and a weath of information flooded me. This time the right information. I found Fetlife and several other sites that helped provide what I needed to accept what I am...a submissive.
Since receiving this information, I have read books, followed blogs, met people, ask questions and observed D/s relationships in real life. I continue to do all those things. I have also met a Dominate that will assist me with the next level. This is a very exciting time.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Day 2: Kinks
Day 2: List your kinks.
I'm finding more and more kinks each day. Sir helps by assigning me tasks to complete which allows me to try things that I haven't and possibly fear to try.
I'm partial to the sensual side of the kink lifestyle. I like bondage (rope, rigging), candle wax, hair pulling, blindfolds, knives, violet wand, wartenburg pinwheels, biting and rough sex. I'm not impressed with paddles or canes.
Earlier this year, I was able to attend a Bottoms Buffet. The was for new and old, to experience or learn new skills. I was able to try several things. I'm looking forward to attending next years which is already in the planning stages.
I'm finding more and more kinks each day. Sir helps by assigning me tasks to complete which allows me to try things that I haven't and possibly fear to try.
I'm partial to the sensual side of the kink lifestyle. I like bondage (rope, rigging), candle wax, hair pulling, blindfolds, knives, violet wand, wartenburg pinwheels, biting and rough sex. I'm not impressed with paddles or canes.
Earlier this year, I was able to attend a Bottoms Buffet. The was for new and old, to experience or learn new skills. I was able to try several things. I'm looking forward to attending next years which is already in the planning stages.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Update on Stalker
It's just amazing to me how fascinating my life is to someone else.
Blogging began as a communication tool but now has turned into a way for me to process information and experiences. However, to my stalker, it provides her with something...don't know exactly what. I guess she believes it to be some type of fuel for the fire she wants to create. I can only think, she must be finding it kinda of boring because she adds her own twist and delusions when telling about what is happening in my life.
When I posted about my stalker on Fetlife, she responded. To me, she just showed what an ass she is just as I said she would. She is a terrible writer. She doesn't correct spelling, capitalize at the beginning of sentences or edit her work in any way. She throws in her delusional version of the "truth" expecting everyone to believe. Update for her..."YOU LIE". Those that are important know the truth and "YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT".
I think if she would focus on her own life and "supposed" submissiveness, she may improve herself. But she would rather talk about everyone and lurk around pretending to be innocent.
She has become very creative in the last week. She has created an email account from some site using my ID (sensualfreak). She emailed herself from the "fake" email information that she obtained from a person that made a late night visit, claiming it to be from me. However, I was involved in play or sound a sleep from the play...either way, it wasn't me...BUSTED.
Since that didn't work, she is now stating something that isn't true. She even attempted to state I told her. But the last time I attempted to contact her months ago to confront, she ran to my play partner crying but failing to respond to me. She is attempting to state I'm talking about an involvement when I'm not. I think she is doing one of 2 things. She is attempting to verify the involvement or she is attempting to intimidate me so I don't attend an event that she wants too. NEWS FLASH: I'M GOING.
I wonder what she will come up with next. She appears to be desperate.
I will continue to maintain my focus on me, my family, Sir and any other involvement I choose.
Blogging began as a communication tool but now has turned into a way for me to process information and experiences. However, to my stalker, it provides her with something...don't know exactly what. I guess she believes it to be some type of fuel for the fire she wants to create. I can only think, she must be finding it kinda of boring because she adds her own twist and delusions when telling about what is happening in my life.
When I posted about my stalker on Fetlife, she responded. To me, she just showed what an ass she is just as I said she would. She is a terrible writer. She doesn't correct spelling, capitalize at the beginning of sentences or edit her work in any way. She throws in her delusional version of the "truth" expecting everyone to believe. Update for her..."YOU LIE". Those that are important know the truth and "YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT".
I think if she would focus on her own life and "supposed" submissiveness, she may improve herself. But she would rather talk about everyone and lurk around pretending to be innocent.
She has become very creative in the last week. She has created an email account from some site using my ID (sensualfreak). She emailed herself from the "fake" email information that she obtained from a person that made a late night visit, claiming it to be from me. However, I was involved in play or sound a sleep from the play...either way, it wasn't me...BUSTED.
Since that didn't work, she is now stating something that isn't true. She even attempted to state I told her. But the last time I attempted to contact her months ago to confront, she ran to my play partner crying but failing to respond to me. She is attempting to state I'm talking about an involvement when I'm not. I think she is doing one of 2 things. She is attempting to verify the involvement or she is attempting to intimidate me so I don't attend an event that she wants too. NEWS FLASH: I'M GOING.
I wonder what she will come up with next. She appears to be desperate.
I will continue to maintain my focus on me, my family, Sir and any other involvement I choose.
Day 1: Who am I?
I saw another blogger doing 30 days of kink ( Bottoms up - http://dulcib.blogspot.com). It looked interesting so I have decided also to try. I thought it would be an excellent tool for examining my status in the lifestyle. This is just another way for me to learn more about me and my submission.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I have thought long and hard about how to identify within this lifestyle. I have determined that I am a sub. I thought it would be hard to explain but it really isn't. I want to take care of someone, to serve. I'm good at providing options and seeing things that someone else may not see. Sometimes an individual isn't able to look outside of the situation, that is where discussing possible options is important.
Since the Dominate is in control, the decision maker, its necessary to provide all avaible options. This is important so that the Dominate is able to make the best possible educated decision for all concerned.
I see my role as protector. I'm to safe guard the Dominate's interest and reputation. If he is going to make a choice that will adversely affect him, its my duty to provide different options that will be of benefit.
There are so many things that has drawn my interest into BDSM. I like the idea of a D/s relationship which provides for respect, communication and power exchange. I have been the one to make all the decisions for myself and my children. Not all decisions were good or beneficial and some were made due to situations beyond my control. Within a D/s relationship, there would be a discussion and someone else would be making the final decision.
When looking at the physical side of BDSM, I'm still exploring. I like all regular stuff like hair pulling and ass smacking. But I'm also finding I like candle wax, rope and clothes pins. I'm working on fisting but I'm time and stretching takes time...lol. I'm not impressed with canes or paddling, tried those at a Bottom's Buffet.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I have thought long and hard about how to identify within this lifestyle. I have determined that I am a sub. I thought it would be hard to explain but it really isn't. I want to take care of someone, to serve. I'm good at providing options and seeing things that someone else may not see. Sometimes an individual isn't able to look outside of the situation, that is where discussing possible options is important.
Since the Dominate is in control, the decision maker, its necessary to provide all avaible options. This is important so that the Dominate is able to make the best possible educated decision for all concerned.
I see my role as protector. I'm to safe guard the Dominate's interest and reputation. If he is going to make a choice that will adversely affect him, its my duty to provide different options that will be of benefit.
There are so many things that has drawn my interest into BDSM. I like the idea of a D/s relationship which provides for respect, communication and power exchange. I have been the one to make all the decisions for myself and my children. Not all decisions were good or beneficial and some were made due to situations beyond my control. Within a D/s relationship, there would be a discussion and someone else would be making the final decision.
When looking at the physical side of BDSM, I'm still exploring. I like all regular stuff like hair pulling and ass smacking. But I'm also finding I like candle wax, rope and clothes pins. I'm working on fisting but I'm time and stretching takes time...lol. I'm not impressed with canes or paddling, tried those at a Bottom's Buffet.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Great Weekend
I had a very relaxing weekend. Now let me state, my weekends begin at 8:30 am on Thursdays. The morning after working a 9 hour shift was filled with medical appointments. But then I got a very unexpected phone call.
I originally had a weekend full of kink planned but didn't think there would be any play involved. I was going to a munch on Thursday, Fetish night at a local swing club and another munch on Saturday. Well the unexpected phone call, changed my plans slightly.
We had planned to attend Fetish Friday but my car needed some emerengcy attention. But we did choose to play at home.
Sir gave me another task which was to use the clothes pins on my pussy this time. I informed my friend of the request so clothes pins was the tool of the night. Prior to my shower, I was teased. I thought we were going to play but it was only a tease of what was to come.
Clothes pins were placed on my pussy lips and clit. Friend decided to use my dildo on me. I was being brought to orgasm and he stopped. He removed all the clothes pins but the one on the clit. I was told not to remove it until I went to the shower. I was also told to gather what we were to take with us for the evening with the clothes pin still on my clit. When I started to voice this unjustice, he only smiled and stated he was learning. Control was the issue and he was attempting to prove he was in control.
The removal of the clothes pins caused a little discomfort. Moving with the clothes pin on my clit provided some misery so I moved as little as possible but gathered everything up. When the clit clothes pin was pulled off, I winced and rolled over cause it had hurt. I could only hear his laughter.
Later when play was able to resume, the clothes pins were applied. However they weren't first. My hands was tied together with one of his ties. Rubber bands were placed on my tits. I was told to get on all fours and the clothes pins were again placed on my pussy lips and clit. My medium butt plug was inserted. All these sinsations. I could feel my pussy was wet. It felt like it was leaking out. He then decided to fuck me. He grabbed my hair and pulled back with every thrusted. I was in heaven. I thought to my self this is exactly what I needed after a long week at work, stress relief.
It didn't stop there. I was instructed to lay on my back, he grabbed on to my tender, purple breast and squeezed. The rubber bands rolled off when allowed some relief. But him fucking me caused the clothes pins to pull which again created some discomfort.
He continued his assault by wanting me to squirt. He began to use his fingers. I could feel it building. I then relaxed and enjoyed the feeling. I was squirting again.
I didn't get to subspace but was brought out of my trance with his statement "you shit". I ask with the plug in, he said "no, it came out". This wasn't the ending I wanted but I knew play was over because we needed to clean up.
I'm amazed and horrified that I made such a mess. However, this wasn't the first time. I didn't even feel the plug being expelled. I think we will begin to explore the use enimas. I really don't like the mess plus it ends the scene when more is still to come. I will plan better next time.
I originally had a weekend full of kink planned but didn't think there would be any play involved. I was going to a munch on Thursday, Fetish night at a local swing club and another munch on Saturday. Well the unexpected phone call, changed my plans slightly.
We had planned to attend Fetish Friday but my car needed some emerengcy attention. But we did choose to play at home.
Sir gave me another task which was to use the clothes pins on my pussy this time. I informed my friend of the request so clothes pins was the tool of the night. Prior to my shower, I was teased. I thought we were going to play but it was only a tease of what was to come.
Clothes pins were placed on my pussy lips and clit. Friend decided to use my dildo on me. I was being brought to orgasm and he stopped. He removed all the clothes pins but the one on the clit. I was told not to remove it until I went to the shower. I was also told to gather what we were to take with us for the evening with the clothes pin still on my clit. When I started to voice this unjustice, he only smiled and stated he was learning. Control was the issue and he was attempting to prove he was in control.
The removal of the clothes pins caused a little discomfort. Moving with the clothes pin on my clit provided some misery so I moved as little as possible but gathered everything up. When the clit clothes pin was pulled off, I winced and rolled over cause it had hurt. I could only hear his laughter.
Later when play was able to resume, the clothes pins were applied. However they weren't first. My hands was tied together with one of his ties. Rubber bands were placed on my tits. I was told to get on all fours and the clothes pins were again placed on my pussy lips and clit. My medium butt plug was inserted. All these sinsations. I could feel my pussy was wet. It felt like it was leaking out. He then decided to fuck me. He grabbed my hair and pulled back with every thrusted. I was in heaven. I thought to my self this is exactly what I needed after a long week at work, stress relief.
It didn't stop there. I was instructed to lay on my back, he grabbed on to my tender, purple breast and squeezed. The rubber bands rolled off when allowed some relief. But him fucking me caused the clothes pins to pull which again created some discomfort.
He continued his assault by wanting me to squirt. He began to use his fingers. I could feel it building. I then relaxed and enjoyed the feeling. I was squirting again.
I didn't get to subspace but was brought out of my trance with his statement "you shit". I ask with the plug in, he said "no, it came out". This wasn't the ending I wanted but I knew play was over because we needed to clean up.
I'm amazed and horrified that I made such a mess. However, this wasn't the first time. I didn't even feel the plug being expelled. I think we will begin to explore the use enimas. I really don't like the mess plus it ends the scene when more is still to come. I will plan better next time.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Task
Sir has assigned me several tasks and I have completed some or have made attempts. There are a couple that I'm having trouble with so I thought I would write about them. I might even get some feedback.
First some background information. We are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). We actually been talking for almost a year. Sir has invited me to come and visit him. However, due to family responsibilities, I have been unable too. He is very understanding and knows the value and importance of family. Also, we are an interracial polyamory couple.
Sir has a desire to expand his household. In the beginning, Sir would request that I contact potential subs or slaves. I would then provide him with feedback and an opinion on the potential. He also requested I look for others that may fit in with his household. I was to provide him with the name of the female that I was contacting, incase they would follow up with him. Through the process, I gained several friends who I hope to meet one day.
A recent task which I really have no idea what to do is Sir has requested that I go to a titty bar and pick up another female. I'm then to have sex with this individual. I list myself as bicurious and actually believe I an bi, I just have had enough interaction with a female to make that determination. So have sex with another woman isn't an issue. It's the picking them up.
I haven't said anything to Sir or ask for any guidance. I guess I'm just a little insecure with approaching others, let alone a female that I wish to become involved with even for a night. This has been heavy on my mind and I haven't figured out a way to approach.
I'm thinking of asking Sir instead of a titty bar could it be a swing club. There is a fetish night at our local swing club. Eventhough, I'm insecure I think I would be received better with other like minded individuals than in a vanilla bar. I still need to figure out how to approach.
First some background information. We are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). We actually been talking for almost a year. Sir has invited me to come and visit him. However, due to family responsibilities, I have been unable too. He is very understanding and knows the value and importance of family. Also, we are an interracial polyamory couple.
Sir has a desire to expand his household. In the beginning, Sir would request that I contact potential subs or slaves. I would then provide him with feedback and an opinion on the potential. He also requested I look for others that may fit in with his household. I was to provide him with the name of the female that I was contacting, incase they would follow up with him. Through the process, I gained several friends who I hope to meet one day.
A recent task which I really have no idea what to do is Sir has requested that I go to a titty bar and pick up another female. I'm then to have sex with this individual. I list myself as bicurious and actually believe I an bi, I just have had enough interaction with a female to make that determination. So have sex with another woman isn't an issue. It's the picking them up.
I haven't said anything to Sir or ask for any guidance. I guess I'm just a little insecure with approaching others, let alone a female that I wish to become involved with even for a night. This has been heavy on my mind and I haven't figured out a way to approach.
I'm thinking of asking Sir instead of a titty bar could it be a swing club. There is a fetish night at our local swing club. Eventhough, I'm insecure I think I would be received better with other like minded individuals than in a vanilla bar. I still need to figure out how to approach.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Reflecting
I had a lot of time to think about what is important and what should be a priority this morning. I mentioned my grandson in a blog several weeks ago. Well, we received another call informing of the possibility of the needed organs. So off to the hospital we went to see if the organs would be viable and my baby would receive what was needed so he could eat.
The phrase I like that most is which describes my feelings is "friends are the family we choose". I place importance on my family, my children and Sir. Those are not the only ones but they top my list.
Anyways, the nonsense with all those others that want to start drama, is forgotten. My goals are my children and grandchildren, and the tasks that Sir gives me. And since I'm in a LDR, the distance and time allows me to get to know and trust Sir. It also allows him the same with me.
Well that was on my very exhausted mind and I thought it needed to be said. Oh, one organ was not viable so the surgery didn't occur. So we will have more days of rushing to wait but hopefully won't continue to be disappointing.
The phrase I like that most is which describes my feelings is "friends are the family we choose". I place importance on my family, my children and Sir. Those are not the only ones but they top my list.
Anyways, the nonsense with all those others that want to start drama, is forgotten. My goals are my children and grandchildren, and the tasks that Sir gives me. And since I'm in a LDR, the distance and time allows me to get to know and trust Sir. It also allows him the same with me.
Well that was on my very exhausted mind and I thought it needed to be said. Oh, one organ was not viable so the surgery didn't occur. So we will have more days of rushing to wait but hopefully won't continue to be disappointing.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Ranting
Ok...I need to apologize a head of time. My next couple of post will be be ranting at my stalker. I have to let my frustrations out so I can move on with my agenda.
I can tell everyone that I really don't like conversations that contain "your childish" or "your behaving like a child". Its usually the individual making the statement who isn't getting their way and they are attempting to place themselves above me. The only thing I have to say is...I've done my duty. I've raised my children. I continue to make family a priority. I make the man I'm involved with a priority. If I have a problem, I address it with the person that the problem exists with. I don't go sneaking around telling different people different things. I don't lie, don't have a need too. I own my problems and take responsiblity for my actions. I don't believe any of those things say "childish".
Can I be child like? Possible! I like to be playful. I like to joke and have a good time. I still don't think any of that is "childish". Also some seem to think my writing is displaying my every action on the internet. That is so untrue. There is so much more to me then what is in black and white. Plus some individuals want to put their own spin on what my words mean and use them against me. As stated in a comment, I should ignore them or block them. I have tried.
To my stalker; Bonnie aka whytechocolate...if your life is so miserable that you must cyber stock me, I will release all blocks. You really should be more woman to address your delusional ideas with me. You should stop recruiting your friends as spyies. The bottom line is you can't compete with me on any level. So talk your shit and show everyone what an ass you are. I don't need to go searching for you to bitch at anyone...I have other priorities.
Also, I have proven time again what type of person I am. I'm loyal to my true friends. I sincerely care for those I'm involved with. This may be shocking but I don't need or want a man hovering over me every minute. At times, I would love to have a special someone standing by me in a time of crisis but to date I haven't found a man to step up to that level. This is also why I choose to be in a LDR. I have very good friends that I consider to be family that will get me through any crisis.
I want to thank everyone for your patience. I believe I can now get on with my life and the exploration of this wonderful lifestyle.
I can tell everyone that I really don't like conversations that contain "your childish" or "your behaving like a child". Its usually the individual making the statement who isn't getting their way and they are attempting to place themselves above me. The only thing I have to say is...I've done my duty. I've raised my children. I continue to make family a priority. I make the man I'm involved with a priority. If I have a problem, I address it with the person that the problem exists with. I don't go sneaking around telling different people different things. I don't lie, don't have a need too. I own my problems and take responsiblity for my actions. I don't believe any of those things say "childish".
Can I be child like? Possible! I like to be playful. I like to joke and have a good time. I still don't think any of that is "childish". Also some seem to think my writing is displaying my every action on the internet. That is so untrue. There is so much more to me then what is in black and white. Plus some individuals want to put their own spin on what my words mean and use them against me. As stated in a comment, I should ignore them or block them. I have tried.
To my stalker; Bonnie aka whytechocolate...if your life is so miserable that you must cyber stock me, I will release all blocks. You really should be more woman to address your delusional ideas with me. You should stop recruiting your friends as spyies. The bottom line is you can't compete with me on any level. So talk your shit and show everyone what an ass you are. I don't need to go searching for you to bitch at anyone...I have other priorities.
Also, I have proven time again what type of person I am. I'm loyal to my true friends. I sincerely care for those I'm involved with. This may be shocking but I don't need or want a man hovering over me every minute. At times, I would love to have a special someone standing by me in a time of crisis but to date I haven't found a man to step up to that level. This is also why I choose to be in a LDR. I have very good friends that I consider to be family that will get me through any crisis.
I want to thank everyone for your patience. I believe I can now get on with my life and the exploration of this wonderful lifestyle.
Ramblings
I'm a strong willed female that absolutely hates to show any type of weakness. Thats why I think I fought my submissive side for so long. Even in recent days, I have fought against it. Only now I don't see it as a weakness, its more of a desire that emerges.
Most of the relationships that I have been involved with have appeared one way. I give and nothing ever appears to be given back. This has created walls and attitudes with which those attempting to start something face as a challenge.
Another issue for me is I fall into a pattern where I become comfortable and don't want to move. I will express my displeasure but I'm typically ignored which causes so much upset on both sides. Eventurally, I do move and for some reason its not accepted. Its expected for me to always remain but I do learn and grow.
Well, I have felt stuck. After the stresses of work, I'm tired of dealing with people. I make plans to attend events and munches but never really make it past go. I get home and just don't feel like meeting the challenges of interacting with others. This is something I need to change. I'm going to make more of an effort to attend things especially with educational demos.
Hopefully, I will be writing more about my learning, interacting at events and experiences. I'm tired of hiding from those who wish to only start drama because they are truely empty in all aspects of life.
Most of the relationships that I have been involved with have appeared one way. I give and nothing ever appears to be given back. This has created walls and attitudes with which those attempting to start something face as a challenge.
Another issue for me is I fall into a pattern where I become comfortable and don't want to move. I will express my displeasure but I'm typically ignored which causes so much upset on both sides. Eventurally, I do move and for some reason its not accepted. Its expected for me to always remain but I do learn and grow.
Well, I have felt stuck. After the stresses of work, I'm tired of dealing with people. I make plans to attend events and munches but never really make it past go. I get home and just don't feel like meeting the challenges of interacting with others. This is something I need to change. I'm going to make more of an effort to attend things especially with educational demos.
Hopefully, I will be writing more about my learning, interacting at events and experiences. I'm tired of hiding from those who wish to only start drama because they are truely empty in all aspects of life.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Thank You
This is my 100th post. I'm simply amazed at my numbers. I never expected to have 26 people following me. Or to have my page viewed as often as it is.
I have found that writing allows me to process what is going on and release some of the feelings that I usually hold in. I never expected to share it, I even hide it in the beginning. But thanks to everyone that has wrote a comment which have been so supportive. You really don't know how it helps.
I want to send a Big, Big Thank You to everyone that has taken the time to read.
I have found that writing allows me to process what is going on and release some of the feelings that I usually hold in. I never expected to share it, I even hide it in the beginning. But thanks to everyone that has wrote a comment which have been so supportive. You really don't know how it helps.
I want to send a Big, Big Thank You to everyone that has taken the time to read.
Weekend
I received a call that I never really expected. I hurried to take a shower and gather a few things for a night of play. MMMMM....Sir was right, I needed to get fucked. I will happily report to him shortly that I had been well fucked. I also have a couple of pics to send him which should make him happy.
When I was gathering things, I was sure to include the clothes pins. I wanted to see how they felt while I was getting fucked...oh so good. I believe I will develop a liking for a little more pain than I ever realized. By the time I was wore out, my nipples were sore and my legs were shakey. I laid in the bed and felt them quivering. That is always a good indictation.
My ride home was hot but I could still feel the soreness of my nipple. I could still smell him. I was tired so I just tried to relax that day and went to bed early, at least for me. However, when I woke the next morning, I was sore all over. I could barely get out of bed. My back was stiff and both nipples had soreness. I also had a head from hell, probably due to no sleep. I readily admitted I was old or at least felt that way.
After some needed rest, Tylenol, pain pills and a muscle relaxer; I was able to continue with my plans of cleaning the pool and laying out. The sun helped to provide me with strength. It renewed my energy and relieved me of my depression for at least a day. I was in peace. I hope it lasts for a while.
When I was gathering things, I was sure to include the clothes pins. I wanted to see how they felt while I was getting fucked...oh so good. I believe I will develop a liking for a little more pain than I ever realized. By the time I was wore out, my nipples were sore and my legs were shakey. I laid in the bed and felt them quivering. That is always a good indictation.
My ride home was hot but I could still feel the soreness of my nipple. I could still smell him. I was tired so I just tried to relax that day and went to bed early, at least for me. However, when I woke the next morning, I was sore all over. I could barely get out of bed. My back was stiff and both nipples had soreness. I also had a head from hell, probably due to no sleep. I readily admitted I was old or at least felt that way.
After some needed rest, Tylenol, pain pills and a muscle relaxer; I was able to continue with my plans of cleaning the pool and laying out. The sun helped to provide me with strength. It renewed my energy and relieved me of my depression for at least a day. I was in peace. I hope it lasts for a while.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Stalkers
Well, this site has been found by my stakers. As usual, my words are taking out of context. However, they will not stop me from expressing my feelings. What I write here is not about anyone else. Its about me, my thoughts and feelings.
I know how it was found. After reading some supportive comments, I decided to post my site on Fetlife. I wanted to stop hiding my feelings so I opened it up. I can't change those who are stalking me and I won't sensor my blogs either.
Keep reading. I had a great weekend and will be writing about it later today or tonight.
I know how it was found. After reading some supportive comments, I decided to post my site on Fetlife. I wanted to stop hiding my feelings so I opened it up. I can't change those who are stalking me and I won't sensor my blogs either.
Keep reading. I had a great weekend and will be writing about it later today or tonight.
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