There are a lot of blogs and threads on Fetlife talking about how to find a Dom/Master. I think the most important thing is you should know you. You may not know what your looking for but you should have some idea of you or you will be searching blindly.
You should use the tools available to help you explore you such as a BDSM checklist. Luna at Submissiveguide.com has serveral activities to help a newbie learn and explore yourself in and effort to be a better submissive.
With that said, I'm currently attempting to find the Dom/Master for me. This is appearing to be a more difficult task then what I thought it would be. Some you find on the different social sites are masking themselves as a Dom/Master. They have become very adapt at influencing the weaker submissives. They look for ways to exploit with no real purpose except for their own self benefit.
Currently I'm talking to several men the declare themselves as Dominates. G has been in the running for over a year. However, there is something going on in his life that prevents him from wanting to meet me and advancing our relationship to the next level.
Then there is M. He fascinates me and I'm very intrigued. He offered to pay for me to visit and I'm planning on visiting him but family issues keep me in my state. I continue to communicate with him. He would be a LDR but he would allow for me to take care of my sexual needs. There are some stipulations which I could very well live with.
The last one, Mr is the most confusing. I've been talking to him for a short time and he seems to be more a swinger than Dominate. He does have the Dominate attitude but I'm not exacting feeling comfortable. When he talks to me its more about potential sexual involvement but doesn't say much about the BDSM side.
I've never done a gangbang and really didn't have an interest in doing one. I really don't know why. It maybe that I have never really received a lot of face to vace attention from men. Its seems like the internet has opened a door but that is only words. When it come to face to face like being out, I don't get attention. I'm not approached, very little conversation. I've gotten a little off track but this is apart of my ongoing search.
You see Mr speaks about me participating in gangbangs. It appears that he only wants control over my sex life. He hasn't talked about continuing my exploration of bondage or sensual BDSM.
I'm still working through issues of trust. I think it will be resolved when I find someone that I'm comfortable being with and can relax and let go. I continue with my search. Hopefully this will the year but if it isn't, let me have a good time exploring and meeting people.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Reflections
I think some people would be amazed at the woman I have become and others would be surprised. Which depending on the person could be good or bad. I like the person that I have become but I see a lot of growing room especially where with my submissiveness.
I think we all do a self evaluation especially when it is getting close to the end of the year. We look to make changes or adjustments so to improve ourselves for the upcoming year.
As I look at the year, it had been difficult in the beginning. I had a supposed boyfriend who stated he was a Dom but I would clearly classify him as a "Creepy Dom", at least according to several threads I have read speaking about bad dominates. Then I was in such a frenzy to experience the physical side of BDSM, I attempted to jump into the first relationship I could. Eventhough, I told myself I was going to take it slowly. I could have chosen to be a play partner but opted for the second in the household. Of course, I was unsuccessful and I have only myself to blame. In both relationships, I didn't listen to myself. I felt things weren't right but continue to pursue. We live and we learn.
However, because of the treatment that I have received from men in the past, I have become skepical about any chance of a potential relationship. I start talking to a man and for one reason or another interaction ceases. Sometimes I end it cause I get those uncomfortable feelings. Other times, the texting or IMing just stops with the indication given as they have been busy and just loose track. I don't really understand that reasoning. If the person truely wanted to become involved wouldn't they make more effort to maintain a pattern of communication.
As for my writing this blog, I feel that I have improved. At times, I think its unorganized but that is usually during periods of crisis which causes my perceptions to be irrational and paranoid.
I think we all do a self evaluation especially when it is getting close to the end of the year. We look to make changes or adjustments so to improve ourselves for the upcoming year.
As I look at the year, it had been difficult in the beginning. I had a supposed boyfriend who stated he was a Dom but I would clearly classify him as a "Creepy Dom", at least according to several threads I have read speaking about bad dominates. Then I was in such a frenzy to experience the physical side of BDSM, I attempted to jump into the first relationship I could. Eventhough, I told myself I was going to take it slowly. I could have chosen to be a play partner but opted for the second in the household. Of course, I was unsuccessful and I have only myself to blame. In both relationships, I didn't listen to myself. I felt things weren't right but continue to pursue. We live and we learn.
However, because of the treatment that I have received from men in the past, I have become skepical about any chance of a potential relationship. I start talking to a man and for one reason or another interaction ceases. Sometimes I end it cause I get those uncomfortable feelings. Other times, the texting or IMing just stops with the indication given as they have been busy and just loose track. I don't really understand that reasoning. If the person truely wanted to become involved wouldn't they make more effort to maintain a pattern of communication.
As for my writing this blog, I feel that I have improved. At times, I think its unorganized but that is usually during periods of crisis which causes my perceptions to be irrational and paranoid.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Amazing
Nothing really happening on the submissive front but it was an amazing week. A lot of people from the past has re-entered my life or attempted too. There has been 2 that are very memorable. One is my life time friend who I have known since I was 2 years old. I had lost contact with her when my family was forced to move to a new city. I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 20 years and she managed to locate me on FB. We have emailed several times and I'm planning to travel and see her as soon as possible.
The other memorable person to enter my life is the person that actually introduced me to D/s. He was actually just a booty call or I should say a friend with major benefits. I have thought about out time together and wished I could share my decisions to enter the lifestyle with him. He, too, located me on FB. We both have experience some major life changes but will spend time exploring each other again. He is one of the few people that don't judge me. He allows me to be me. He not a Dom but in some sense he has opened the door to this wonderful lifestyle but I don't think he really knows it. He, as others, wants to be my Master but his isn't Master material. He isn't my final resting place so to speak but the near future will be a pleasant ride.
The other memorable person to enter my life is the person that actually introduced me to D/s. He was actually just a booty call or I should say a friend with major benefits. I have thought about out time together and wished I could share my decisions to enter the lifestyle with him. He, too, located me on FB. We both have experience some major life changes but will spend time exploring each other again. He is one of the few people that don't judge me. He allows me to be me. He not a Dom but in some sense he has opened the door to this wonderful lifestyle but I don't think he really knows it. He, as others, wants to be my Master but his isn't Master material. He isn't my final resting place so to speak but the near future will be a pleasant ride.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Weeding Out
Well, according to the status, my blog is getting read which is more than I ever expected. I was actually hesitate to share my feelings and thoughts but everyone has been so supportive.
On the Dom front, there really isn't much to tell. I have several that have sent me messages on Fetlife. I've responded. I have even spoken with a few through Yahoo IM but no one that really jumps out at me. Most are out of state which is what I prefer. Those in state, I can't even begin to know who to trust and who not too. The reason is a post all in its self.
Back to the men, its been a long time since I felt the touch of a man. I allowed my need to overcome me and I agreed to meet someone. I hadn't even ask for a pic which is usual for me. I also choose someone that was connected to a bitch that has caused nothing but trouble in my life for the last 3 years. I allowed my need to feel the touch of another to over rule all that I built to protect me. However, he managed to make me feel uncomfortable enough to back out just days before our pending meeting.
When someone approaches, you have an expectation that they want to be with you for whatever reason. Maybe if he likes what he taste, he will want to develop something longer term than just a night. But when all the dude wants to talk about is having a 3sum without even trying you first, there is a problem from the beginning. I even stated I wanted us to fuck before including anyone else. But he continued to talk about including another female. I finally stated I didn't think he had the right person. I don't mind being a booty call but at least give me the attention while we are together. Once we are both comfortable, lets explore and include others.
I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't be meeting this new guy. I really need some physical interaction. I'm tired of servicing myself. I'm tired of sexting.
But on the light side, I have had some positive interactions. I'm planning some vacations that will be associated with the individuals that seem appealing. There is one in California, another in Texas; and, of course, I want to return to Florida.
One of my more positive interactions is a female. She found my ID in a yahoo group. Its more of a swing group but she has said she is living a D/s relationship. She is married to a BBC and speaks about some of the things they do. The parties they have. I believe she is a Domme. Well, she has stated she is a Domme. She has mentioned meeting me which I find quite exciting and think I would enjoy. She would dominate me and I believe her husband would totally take me over.
On the Dom front, there really isn't much to tell. I have several that have sent me messages on Fetlife. I've responded. I have even spoken with a few through Yahoo IM but no one that really jumps out at me. Most are out of state which is what I prefer. Those in state, I can't even begin to know who to trust and who not too. The reason is a post all in its self.
Back to the men, its been a long time since I felt the touch of a man. I allowed my need to overcome me and I agreed to meet someone. I hadn't even ask for a pic which is usual for me. I also choose someone that was connected to a bitch that has caused nothing but trouble in my life for the last 3 years. I allowed my need to feel the touch of another to over rule all that I built to protect me. However, he managed to make me feel uncomfortable enough to back out just days before our pending meeting.
When someone approaches, you have an expectation that they want to be with you for whatever reason. Maybe if he likes what he taste, he will want to develop something longer term than just a night. But when all the dude wants to talk about is having a 3sum without even trying you first, there is a problem from the beginning. I even stated I wanted us to fuck before including anyone else. But he continued to talk about including another female. I finally stated I didn't think he had the right person. I don't mind being a booty call but at least give me the attention while we are together. Once we are both comfortable, lets explore and include others.
I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't be meeting this new guy. I really need some physical interaction. I'm tired of servicing myself. I'm tired of sexting.
But on the light side, I have had some positive interactions. I'm planning some vacations that will be associated with the individuals that seem appealing. There is one in California, another in Texas; and, of course, I want to return to Florida.
One of my more positive interactions is a female. She found my ID in a yahoo group. Its more of a swing group but she has said she is living a D/s relationship. She is married to a BBC and speaks about some of the things they do. The parties they have. I believe she is a Domme. Well, she has stated she is a Domme. She has mentioned meeting me which I find quite exciting and think I would enjoy. She would dominate me and I believe her husband would totally take me over.
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