Love

This is a topic that crosses my mind often. I've thought that its an over-rated emotion. But the other day when I was driving home from my play partner, I put it in a more realistic view. Something that I can accept, I should say.

There are many levels of love. At first, I always thought there could only be two: that for family and that for a partner. However, I don't believe that love is that simple. Even within the context of family, there are several levels.

When your talking the love for family, you have that for your child(ren) which to most individuals is an extremely strong bond to break or release. For me that same love extents to my grandchildren. Then you have that for your parents and finally all other family members. Of course, individuals can cross boundaries depending on circumstances. In my opinion, this particular love is innate and natural.

Now, when it comes to other people, one has to look at several things. Sometimes you can look and have extremely strong feelings which some confuse for love but its probably more attraction. The deep and everlasting takes time to develop with honesty and respect. This is a healthy and can substain most difficulties that may occur through the years.

This line of thinking makes me analogizes my own feelings and the relationships. In the past, I have thought that I loved several men but it wasn't anything more than an illusion. Dishonesty and the lack of respect only promoted distrust which resulted in the destruction of the relationship. This produced hurt feelings and anger. Walls built so that others will be blocked from the healthy interaction which is needed for growth of the individual.

However, in the last several years since those dysfunctional relationships, I have been able to find men that have shown me honesty and respect can be apart of a relationship. This promotes trust and positive feelings which are allowed to flourish and spand the test of time. These individuals may not be the person that you are to spend you life with but they help you to focus on positive productive feelings, not the negative which destroy.

I can honestily say I levels of love for 3 men at this point in my life. The first being my Dominate. He has been patient, honest and willing to listen which helps the past feelings of hurt and anger to dissolve and positive feeling of respect and love to grow. The second being my current play partner. As with Sir, I'm able to tell him anything and he feels the same with me. This elevates surprise of a misunderingstanding arising. I feel safe to ask questions and to tell my feelings. I think this makes me for accepting of guidance from Sir and expoloration with my play partner. When I'm upset about something, I'm able to express myself more appropriately with both individuals. This allows for clarity of expectations on all sides.

There is a third man that I have a level of love for. He was the first to help me dissolve those negative, destructive feelings. He has been patient, supportive and encouraging during the last several years. He has assisted me more than he will ever know. He has helped to open the doors to my healthy relationships with Sir and my play partner.

With all 3 of these individuals, I don't know what the long term plans or involvements will be. But I do know I will always have love for them and will always remain friends. I will be able to depend on them for support when needed.

I do hope I get out of this mood soon. I sound so mushy...lol.

Summer progress

I’m so happy for the decisions that I have made to date. I chose a very good man for my first real Dominant. Sir is realistic and respectful. Sir understands that we are miles away and I have needs. As long are I respect the limits he has established and carry myself well, Sir doesn’t have a problem. When something is forgotten, Sir isn’t overly critical and understands things happen but reminds me not to let it happen again.

As for S, my play partner, things are going great in this area. We haven’t been able to get together as much but we have a very open line of communication. He feels he can speak with me about anything. However, one day his typical topics were on my last nerve which caused me to hang up on him. I was tired and moody. He didn’t think anything about it and the next day things continued as before.

Sir has made several requests that I’m attempting to accomplish. One will be completed on Monday and that is my tattoo, a black spade on my left breast. Sir has also ask that I be fisted by S. S has been working on this the last few times we have been together. He was able to get almost his whole hand in. It was a little painful but I probably could take more. I keep wimping out. I’m sure when it comes to Sir, he will push my limits and not let me wimp out. The new task which was added is orgasm control. I have my doubts about accomplishing this one but Sir seems confident that I will do fine.

S wants to learn to be a Dominant and has some qualities that give him the potential to be a very good Dominant. He is lacking some skills, mostly physical. I think I can help him in this area. We can attend some educational demos, I can feel the sensation and he can learn a skill.

Tonight we discussed Old Guard. I think he will find this philosophy interesting and he is planning to read up on the topic. I will also direct him to read and follow some blogs and possibly write his own.