Refreshed

I have had time to rest and reflect. Life sometimes throws unexpected curves which is what I have decided has happened to me. I was stressed, frustrated and maybe a little Overwhelmed. But now after several weeks of rest and isolation, I can think a clearer.

I have always placed a priority on my family especially my children. That has and never will change. I do believe that the person I choose to be my partner will hold an equal spot to my children. I feel I will be able to serve as well as care for that which is mine.

I did sneak some time in for some play. I'm finding ropes and clothes pins are so fun, either separately or together. Something else I'm realizing is I don't mind my tits and/or nipples being tortured. Rubber bands, rope and clothes pins or a combination of is mildly hurtful but not extremely painful.

I've had rubber bands around my tits that needed to be cut off because it hurt to try and untwist them. I had marks, some bruising, around my right tit for over a week. I've also had clothes pins on my tits under a tee shirt. This was a mild irration until they were removed. The removal was a little painful. I actually got comfortable several times but then I was requested to perform several household chores which created additional irritation.

My pussy does get wet but pentatration isn't always the result. Sometimes he only wants to play and torture. I think he is feeling things out, trying to determine limits on both sides.

On the oral side, I'm told my skills are improving. I have always had a really bad gag reflex which may give the impression that I don't like to perform oral sex. This isn't true but I don't want to puke which is my real phobia. I'm told that relaxation is the key. I think if I'm able to be taken to the point that I'm not thinking, I will truely be able to relax and perform to my fullest capabilities.

My journal continues. I think this is going to be a wild and wonderful ride.

Life is Exhausting

My life has been chaotic for the last several weeks. I don't only mean within the lifestyle, I mean LIFE.

I started this over a week ago when my life was totally out of control. I wasn't thinking well...just feeling overwhelmed with all parts of my life. My life is also compounded with the fact that I'm diagnosised with Bipolar. So at times of stress, my thoughts and feeling are magnified and extremely intense.

After having time to relax, I'm able to thinking is more focused. I have alleviated a major stressor, my job. I think part of the problem was the threat of wanting to out me to my employer but that was only minor. I had hit burn out and needed time to rest. The stress was affecting my health but now I'm rested and feeling better.