This Last Day of the Year

First I want to wish everyone a Happy and safe New Year's Eve.

As I sit here with several hours ago before the finish of this year, I can only think of how it began and how its ending. The beginning was so distressing in such a negative way. I never felt good about anything I did. Sex wasn't even fun and it even got to the point that I didn't want to be touched.

But after breaking the cycle of abuse, I took sometime to recover my psyche.  I continued to read and talk to some people but avoided any entanglements. I built walls to protect me and my heart. I wouldn't jump just because a male said he was a Dominant. I decided they had to prove they were stronger than me and I'm not talking physically. They were going to sweep me with some simple statements. They needed to show me they had action to back up their words. Their words weren't empty and meant something. So before I made time and re-arranged my life, I had to know it was worth it. Doesn't sound very subbie but then I do have a very dominant side.

 In the last part of the year, I decided to again become activity in the community and began to start attending events. This is also when I started speaking to a Dominant that I really didn't know where things were going. We began to email then exchanged phone numbers so to text.

This Dominant was different then the others that had approached me. He wasn't in a hurry. Didn't talk about meeting me and fucking me like tomorrow, he actually had a conversation with me. He ask questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. For that fact, he ask those questions again and I'm still unable to answer them. Or should I say I'm not ready to answer them. I don't think I've experienced enough to answer the questions to be honest.

However, this Dominant does give me a level of frustration. He doesn't communicate with me as much as I want. I try to be patient but some days I just want to chat. I want him to invite me over so we can hang out or play or whatever. We can't build anything if we don't get to know one another.

When we spoke the other day he talked about the mental part and stretching my boundaries. But to do that we need to communicate and see each other...Oh I sound whinny and I don't like that.

Ok, I managed to get way off topic. The bottom line is my year is ending really good. I have a potential involvement. He has skills and strength that I can't wait to explore further.

2013 has some great potential.