What I want???

I once thought I knew what I wanted once I was able to move on with my life but since I've been able too, I've been doubting everything. I've been stopped in my tracks because I really don't know what way to move. 

During my stagnant years, I was unable to find a partner that even remotely attempted to make me a priority or considered any of my needs as important. Not even my exploring or learning was of an importance or priority. Making me a door mat was important and humiliating me was just as important. Which makes me think, how am I going to find someone now when I'm able to move about?

Since I'm so strong-willed, I need someone that can show me that he is stronger, not just physically, but mentally. However, it hasn't happened. The partners I find are noticeable physically stronger but lack the interest in showing the mental strength. Because they don't demonstrate their mental strength, it proves their weakness in my opinion and my dominant side makes its appearance. 

The other side is I need someone that can walk the fine line between compassionate and strict. I have a defiant side which will no doubt get me into trouble for a while. Plus I've not even remotely been trained which will be a new experience so I need someone with some knowledge. 

I'm tired of being blamed for my potentials partners deficient. I'm too demanding for sex. I don't have time for them. I don't make them a priority. I don't want to rush into sex. All these excuses are actually the truth about why they choose not to be with me. Or they just don't give out their address so I can visit but won't be honest enough to say I don't want you to visit. 

At times I wonder, is there someone out there for me? Am I going to need to settle to be alone for the remainder of my life? I won't settle for less then I deserve. So to whoever tries, you have walls to break down and a lot to prove because I'm not going to lay down cause someone says too.