Great Night

Tonight didn't go as planned but it turned out great. I planned to do a fetish photo shoot which I did and then go to Season's Beatings which I didn't. The alternative plans ended up being better than the original.

First the photo shoot...It was absolutely great. I was nervous. I had never did anything like that before. I usually never have my picture taken. I usually the one taking the pictures because I don't think I take good pictures. But from the ones I saw, they were good. I can't wait to get them and post a few here and on Fetlife.

We took a variety of photos. Some with clothes, some with nighties, some partially dressed and even nude. The photographer noticed that I had a bratty side and was ornery. He also took the time to talk which helped me relax.

Then I contacted the Dominant that I had plans to attend Season's Beatings with but I was ask if I really wanted too. I really didn't care if we attended, I knew I just wanted some play time so I ask if he had something else in mind. I was hoping he would say come to my house and we will have a session but instead he said he wanted to go to a bar. There was someone he wanted me to meet. I thought "damn, no play" but agreed with the hope that there would be some play. I decided to try and be patient which really isn't a strong suit for me.

We went to this quaint little bar where another of his subs bartends. She was beautiful with nice tits and body. It was her birthday and she was working her ass off. We didn't get much time to talk but I get the feeling we will in the future.

I actually thought for a while that we were close to a 3sum. D had ask m to come and play if she got off work early. I was a little nervous due to my inexperience but excited because it would have been a great time. I just had that feeling. Unfortunately, she didn't get off work in time and we left.

When we arrived back to his place, I was nervous which seem to be the theme of the evening. He said he didn't know weather to tie me up or just caress me. I suggested tying because that is what I so wanted and he complied. I had also mentioned a blindfold earlier in the evening and he produced one for the evening.

He bound my breasts, my hand behind my back and blindfolded me. He had been rubbing my clit and pitching my nipples while tying. After getting me bound, he ordered me to lay on the bed which is when he started to apply the clothes pins. Wooden clothes pins are so different then plastic. I could have wooden one put on my pussy lips and walk around with them, I couldn't with the plastic.

After putting several on my pussy lips, I ask for something inside me. Of course, I was denied. He then proceeds to put several on each of my breasts. At this point, I remembered reading about working through the pain and that's what I started doing. The pain started to fade and again became an annoyance. Then he began using the dildo.

Oh, this is what I wanted. I wanted to feel something in me. I would of preferred the real thing but anything was good. I was wet. At one point I believe I may have been close to squirting. I think there were several reasons I didn't one I didn't want to totally loose myself at this point. I do have a habit of making messes and I don't know how he feels about them. Plus we are still new to each and building our trust level.

When I was done, he stopped. The finishing touch was the dildo hit my cervix and caused me some uncomfort, ok pain. Because I was able to adjust, the pain of the clothes pins returned. I couldn't block it. Everything hurt at this point.

He then began to remove the clothes pins which brought me to tears. This was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to go to this level or anyone to take me there. I've always been afraid of pain to an extent.

The one thing that I find I like is how he controlled me. He used the ropes, holding either from the back or front, and of course pulling my hair. After removing the clothes pins, he grabbed the rope in the front and pulled me up. When I said I was dizzy and he knew my legs were weak, he let me sit back down, stroking my hair and talking too me. He then stood me up to make sure I was ok and to finish untying me.

I find it funny that he called me a pain slut. I would have never considered myself a pain slut because I thought those were more the ones that liked canes, paddles and whips. The ones that liked to be beat, not the more sutle pain that I seem to like to experience.  

I'm still processing this experience. I feel it was good, actually great. I believe D is what I needed at this time. I've been hesitate and even afraid to give control but I think at some point I have to begin to trust in myself if I'm ever going to have what I actually want. So I think this is a beginning point for me. I do appreciate that he listens and talks to me. He also read my blog. Right now he is holding one against me but that is ok. I can't change my reaction. I may have over reacted but that is apart of me but at least I wasn't stupid enough to take my anger out on him.

The funny thing, I wasn't angry at him. I was angry with myself for believing in something. I always make all these plans in my mind and when things don't turn out the way there suppose too, the way my mind has them playing out. I'm upset and hurt. Someday things will work out my way...maybe...