Disappointed

There has to be something wrong with me. I'm told I'm sexy and beautiful but apparently I'm not partner material, play or otherwise. Nothing I do seems to impress anyone. My needs, wants and fantasies go unheard. I don't make demands. I don't even ask for anything.

I had a very stressful month and just needed a simple hug, someone to hold my hand and give me a little strength. That was not to be had but I survived. This is why I don't open up to people. I have to rely on my own strength so it makes submitting hard. I have even come to the conclusion that I don't need aftercare. With me being Bipolar and re-starting meds, the meds will help with the sub drop (my roller coaster ride). Hence the ability to assist in blocking the emotion link that may be created from the touching and need to be cared for.

I depend on myself to defend my honor and protect me. Several men who conveniently forgot speaking to me approached me again. Of course, neither had memories of speaking with me or leading me on. Then others assume I'm just a piece of meat who will lay down to fuck cause I have a pussy and I guess that's what I'm suppose to do...they guessed wrong with me.

One that approached was an organizer of an event. When I didn't give an automatic yes, he stated I played games and blocked me. My comment was I didn't think I was the only one he approached. I hate not being the first choice but a last chance option. Something that is available when the man's first option is unattainable. They just don't know how it makes me feel.

Well, I'm not a piece of meat. I'm not like other women who just fucks everything that asks. I'm not 2nd, 3rd, 4th or so on option. I'm not the most beautiful. What I am is a woman who has come into her own sense of beauty and confidence. I'm intelligent and I have a sense of humor. I have knowledge of cultures and different topics. I have skills and talents that have gone unnoticed. So many are missing so much.