Emotions...

I'm sitting here experiencing a variety of emotions and I don't really have anyone to talk too. I don't think anyone really understands what I feel or I go through.

For the last 2 days, I have been excited. Things were going smoothly and I decided to approach a Top with a request of a scene at a party I plan to attend. The request was well received and negotiations began. I can't really say why I chose this particular Top but we interacted well and he is totally involved with the community which gives me a level of security. He also encouraged me to contact his partner and I chatted with her also. Another person of interest also established some open communication and tentative plans were made.

But instead of leaving me alone as I have requested, my stalker had to make her presence known. She posted in a group that she never has and stated an interest in attending a function. She didn't do it to attend, she did it to agitate me and put a damper on my excitement. She has made her presence known a couple time in the last couple of weeks but has been blocked. She made an inappropriate post which was removed. She posted in another group so that I would see her profile pic which was of her playing with my play partner. She doesn't know what is going on between us but since he isn't speaking to her, she feels the need to interfere with what is going on in my life. Yes, I've blasted her in several of my post which was more venting but I thought she would take the hit.

I've moved on. She is not important to me, my plans or future. She may have figured out that I was correct, S was using her for her car. Since she wrecked her's, he hasn't been around. She is unable to accept that he wasn't happy with her and doesn't want her type. Yes, I know what is going on. What she doesn't know is I'm the one that he cares about. I'm the one he wants to see and spend time with, not her. I know how to act in public, I don't embarrass him. His family enjoys being around me. I have no desire to bring attention to myself by fucking all his friends and family that present.

He wanted a poly relationship with the both of us but she only wanted to control him. She wanted to say that her hard limit was saying who he could be with. She doesn't understand limits, protocols or anything about the lifestyle which is why men probably keep finding different partners.

As I explained to him, I wanted to provide him with reliable information from community leaders, not those that have questionable characters. I was wanting his reputation to be solid with no doubt from those in the community. Just because an individual states they have been in the lifestyle for 20 years doesn't mean anything. I would question what have you done in those 20 years to prove you were trustworthy. As I have stated before, individuals who are involved in the community and have others with knowledge of said individual are more creditable than those that have a lot of words but no actions. This is apart of being safe in this lifestyle.

I would rather be over cautious then to end up severely injured. I understand accidents happen but sometimes they can be avoided.

OK...I think my roller coaster ride is over...Sorry for the ramble but had to get it out. This is my safe place to vent.