This was a response in a Fetlife group: Dominant Men that like Submissive Women with Dominant Personalities. It goes along with the quote I posted yesterday. There were some great responses but I thought this one was the most profound.

The beginning of the thread was posted by Piercednwilling: "As I search and search for a submissive woman... I have yet to find one who can live up to my standards. It disappoints me. It saddens me really. So pathetic that you can't even do what your told, when your told to do it. And how do you react when you get punished for your fuck ups? You whine and whimper and complain. When will you learn that its not about what you want. It's what your domme wants! Its a shame really.."

Response from Colodom: "Interesting that you're writing in the group for Dominant Men that Like Submissive Women with Dominant Personalities. From your brief comments it doesn't appear you comprehend what that means. Granted, I only have a few brief comments on which to judge my remarks. But, I've rarely seen any woman, submissive or otherwise, and especially not submissives with dominant personalities, who respond well to barking orders and being told what they want or think doesn't matter. Just because a woman is a sub doesn't mean she's mindless or without feelings. IMHO and experience, submissive women with dominant personalities respond much more favorably to men who quietly and calmly direct their life than they do to the "on your knees and start sucking bitch," type of person. The "I don't care what you think/want" type of dominant is a mostly non-existent stereotype of a dominant. And the "I don't care a whit for myself, I just want to be treated like shit" submissive is equally a stereotype. Successful D/s relationships are built on respect for the Dom , and yes, for the sub as well. Recognize what she's giving to the D/s relationship and you'll find youself with a much more compliant and happy sub. Or, don't you care what she thinks?

Try intellectually overcoming her, not yelling. Try feeding her needs and calmly insisting on a certain standard of behavior, instead of barking orders. Try listening to her and then letting her know why you believe your way is better/best. You'll get the submissive you seek when you earn it, not by claiming you're entitled to it.

My sub will do most anything I tell her, and she is a woman (not a "bitch" or a "cunt", and certainly not "pathetic") with a very dominant personality. Yet, she submits to me, sexually, in the bdsm realm and in our private, vanilla life, because she respects and wants to please me, not because she gets yelled at or told she's worthless.

Being a Dom is a lot more than yelling, cursing and beatings."

It would be nice if some of the newbies would seek assistance from those with experience and insight instead of those with questionable characters.