Acceptance with Hope

I think there comes a time in a person's life when they accept what has been given to them. For me, its being the lone matriarch in a family. I think this is what gives me strength to continue.

I tried to satisfy the needs of my partners but I have never been a priority. So when traps have been set to keep in me in my place, I have been able to problem solve and continue to thrive without any assistance. Because of this strength, I have realized I will not submit just because I'm told. Also, I will not stop doing what I have done so well, resolve any issues or problems that I'm faced with.

When I'm overwhelmed, I don't always think clearly and may react with anger. But once things have calmed, I'm rested and able to think, the irrational thoughts are replaced with rational.

Everyone has a level of drama in their lives whether it be personally or professionally; however, I have found more than my share with the men I have chosen to spend time with. Each began by telling me that they "are not like the rest". The fact is with time patterns show and each are like those they stated they weren't. I'm told they are honest but their dishonesty slowly revealed. While in your presence, they tell lies to another. For me, I begin to think, what is he lying to be about? Another thing is those that lie aren't able to keep track of their lies. When confronted, they tell you "that wasn't what was said" or "I did tell you about that".

I degrees. Acceptance, I have come to accept that I will be strength to my family and friends but I won't be the one to have someone for strength. Oh, my friends will be there to provide need emotional support during a crisis, but I won't have the one special person to hold my hand and tell me everything will be OK.

Partners will come and they will go. Of course, their going will be my decision. I will try to work at a relationship whether casual or committed, but will realize that it is one sided and I'm looking for something that is two sided. I have hope that someone special will appear and not be like the rest but I have accepted that he currently isn't present.

Maybe tomorrow he will make his presence known to me. But tonight, I go to bed alone.