Well, it appears I'm in the writing mood tonight. I mediated and actually show the color blue attempting to break through. Upon research, I find this is a very good thing. It means I'm on the right track. I'm getting rid of the darkness, the negativity. I'm on the road to healing or maybe becoming whole for the first time.
But that leads me to more thinking...
I again was looking at past relationships and the hurt. I actually have a pattern which probably needs to be broken. The pattern is I begin to care. I love spending time for the person and will do whatever is requested. I don't make demands or request but hope that what I give is returned to me. Oh, I'm not talking material things, I'm talking the bond between two people, the emotional side.
But the first pattern that I just noticed is that I tend to go after men that appear to want to change or need me for one reason or another. Most are not at the level that I am at (emotional), they are materialistic. There ideas are for wealth and gathering things such as women. Of course, they each say they are different when in fact they are not. I degress again.
The next stage in my pattern is I get comfortable. I am not one to date or see multiple men at one time. If I find one that satisfies me sexually, I don't want to look. I'm comfortable as long as they are honest and don't blur the lines that are established in the beginning. The lines may change over time but that is a discussion that must take place between us.
The next stage is the down slide. At this point, they have hurt me and this is a very deep hurt. Of course, after a little time, I again begin to talk to them believing that I may actually be important but knowing I'm not. There is a spark of hope but things are not the same. Some trust is damaged and lost. I begin to build walls and pull away, make plans for the future. But for some reason I'm always drawn back. This stage repeats several times until I finally say "ok...its time to think about me". At this point, there is no going back, this bridge is burnt. Can we be friends and talk, sure. Can we be anything else, no. Without trust, there is nothing else.
What I want is to be a priority as I have made them. To be given attention as I have given them. Money and things are just that and not important.
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I'm a strong,independent woman who has only recently became aware of my submissive side. In reviewing my life, I have wanted to relinquish control and be dominated.
About Me
- sensualfreak
- I have recently had my submissive side awakened. I've had some tough times while learning to accept what I have always been. With acceptance, we are able to move to the next level.
Quotes
"It means nothing to dominate the weak....it's a badge of honor to dominate the strong.... Show me a strong, confident and assertive woman who kneels submissively at your feet ...and I'll show you a slave worth owning" ~Author Unknown
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
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