I’ve been thinking lately about a lot of things but the one thing that has caught my mind today is limits. I read a thread on where a female was talking about her Sir violating one of her hard limits. She stated her hard limit was his having one on one involvements with other women. This was in accordance to their relationship, not a scene. Could she have been confusing the difference between vanilla boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with that of D/s in the lifestyle?
According to Wikipedia.org, the definition of limits is a reference “to those activities that participants in a BDSM scene feels strongly about, and to which special attention must be paid”. Albanypowerexchange.com states “In BDSM, limits are any kind of boundary or restriction placed on one or both partners. They can be physical (e.g., a bad knee or back might make certain types of bondage unsafe), mental or emotional (e.g., something that triggers a phobia or recalls a past trauma), or experiential (anything that one partner just isn't ready for yet).” In both definitions, limits are in reference to activities with in a scene, not that of the actual relationship. Both appear to be in reference to the physical side of play, not the day to day.
I’m finding that most newbies don’t take the time or the effort to truly research what they are pursuing. When they do find information, they don’t quite understand the dynamics which appears to create issues with their ongoing relationships and potential new ones. Those that are successful with D/s and M/s relationships have taken the time to read, learn and observe. Do newbies try to jump into things to fast or for the wrong reasons?
I think newbies do tend to jump in and it's a difficult thing to avoid. The thing about limits is that you don't truly know where they are until you begin checking out the waters.
ReplyDeleteThat's a fact that can get taken advantage of or is just simply not understood sometimes I think.