Thinking

For the last several weeks, I have been giving the poly lifestyle some serious thought. From appearances, its a lifestyle that I would like to explore. The honesty of both primary partners is refreshing.

What got me thinking about this lifestyle is a Sir contacted me and wanted my views on the lifestyle. He explained that he was looking for slaves to complete his household. He told me to speak with his slave and she could answer questions for me. I did contact her and enjoyed the interaction. We chatted about everything. She even encouraged me to leave the person I was seeing. She told me everything I already knew...he was a player and wasn't being honest. She also stated he probably had a wife in his home state which would explain why he wouldn't let me visit his home. I degress.

I had talked to Sir and then took some time to consider what I wanted and if I could meet his expectations. He stated clearly he was looking for a slave, not a sub or long distance relationship. I began to struggle with the thought of being someone's slave.

In previous blogs I spoke briefly on sub vs slave. I only recently became aware that I was submissive. I can even remember telling my ex...I will not submit to no one...I don't kiss anyone's ass. However, I'm now aware that I have always been submissive but the men in my life haven't appreciated the gift that I have given them. I have often been taken advantage of. Now, I'm aware and know that its my to give.

My struggle was actually with how slave is defined. I didn't like the thought of not having any rights. As a submissive, I still had control of my life. I submitted while in the presence of the dominate that I belonged but I still had a voice in my life. As a slave, I saw I had no voice and once I committed I would be obligated to follow through with what I committed too. I just couldn't loose all my rights. I guess my past of neglect and abuse kept coming to my mind. I didn't trust anyone to take care of me. I didn't trust that anyone would be concerned with what was going on with me. I just wanted to know that I was going to get back what I give which hadn't happened to this point.

I have even ask myself if I could be a slave and I think I could if the right person came along and treated me right. I have my doubts that it will truely happen. I think I would also need to be in love with the person and living in the same household.

Some statements that have really caused me to think of late and actually empower me are subs/slaves should be the Dominates/Masters prize possession and submission is the greatest gift to give. Submission is also my gift to give, no one can take it.

Ok...I really degressed. Another concern of mine with living in a poly household is submitting to a female. I'm dominate in a sense and don't think I could submit to a primary female. I would choose to submit to the male but I just don't know about anyone else in the household. I would get along and comply with the rules and expectations. I just don't see myself taking orders from another female.

I made the statement I don't want to cause problems in an existing relationship. The poly relationship is new to me and appears to be something that I would like to explore. In previous relationships I have been cheated on and I didn't like that feeling. However, in a poly relationship, all is known. This is also my vanilla thinking. I have never experienced the openness or complete honesty as I have seen. Its something to consider.