Distraction

This week was rough. I came down with something and haven't felt good. Then B and I had our final fight. While I requested he not contact me again which wasn't successful. He said very mean and untruthful things. The following will be his texts with me providing a statement.

This is from a previous post: During this last round of talks, he has finally informed me that he didn't feel we had ever broken up. I was his and always would be. I attempted to explain how I felt and what I had learned. I learned a D/s relationship is defined by society, the individuals involved develop it to meet their needs. He admitted I had submitted to him, never ask him for anything and never made demands. He did feel like I had disrespected him and I had stepped over that line by playing with another dom. I disagreed cause that line is blurry. I also pointed out my body had been his and he ignored it. It appeared to me that he didn't want to do things to me. He admitted he never looked at my checklist. I ask how he was suppose to be my rock and guide me if he refused to talk to me. I also stated I learned if I was owned I was suppose to have been a prized possession. He ask "you didn't think you were a prized possession". I told him "no". I pointed out it took 7 months for him to agree to take a picture with me. It took his slave less than 4 months. He posted a pic of them and acknowledged her. I ask did he ever post a pic of us or acknowledge me which is something I had pointed out before. How could I be a prized possession if I was hidden?

He texts this statement when I told him I wanted to call it quits again "From this day forward I want. You to hate me think of me as dead and burning in hell and promise you I shall do the same". This was sent to me last Wednesday. On Friday night I woke to a text apologizing. After some back and forth, he texts something stating he would have to accept. I then ask him what he actually meant cuz this was a problem. He never stated what he meant. He also proclaimed he loved me and would til the day he die. He even started to call me and we actually talked longer than 5 minutes. I told him I was tired of fighting to be with him. It hurt me to not be acknowledged. I also told him of what I wanted, a 24/7 D/s relationship with possibly a slave to satisfy his needs if I couldn't. He was shocked. My last question to him was "where do I rank in your life". His response was why does it matter. I hung up the phone telling him it didn't and crying. He then texts "1". I decided to look at his profile knowing he had been on it often the last couple of days. There big as day "in a relationship with carr". Again he acknowledge a relationship that he said didn't exist. He could have signed the appropriate tags but he chose "in a relationship". He also stated "in a leather family, in the house of". There was a 3rd that I can't remember. I called him and told him we were done and not to ever contact me again.

The next morning he texts "where do I stand in your life". I responded "you have always been first. But your fetlife profile shows your choice and it wasn't me". He then texts "OK then its you that has contradicticted what you said not me I came around you ran off". This was the next to come "So be it when you took on play time with another. Dom you killed us and any type or hope of being #1 I am not your destiny just a replacement for lamont with sex. So blame me for not being able to love another man I don't care anymore and when I got your vm I had already responded to your text but its cool I will do as you say and not contact you again no reply is needed to this text". He was not a replacement for Lamont. I was well over him and had started dating again when I met him face to face. But because several to the bitches Lamont had fucked had told him things, he believed them and not me. He never trusted me from the beginning.

I then told him he was "too weak to handle me". This was his response "Weak lol okif you say so I am not weak I don't trust you is the issue you are the weak one you give in to pleasing the flesh more like thebehavior of a whore and slut". He finally admitted he didn't trust me. The basis of everything.

I told him he abused me. Lamont had hit me several times and B always stated he was different, he didn't hit women out of anger. I told him that day I healed quickly from Lamont's abuse but his would take longer. I told him the neglect and ignoring were abuse. He texts this "I never abused you if you were coopperative from the get go none of this would have happened I am returning home so now my focus is on family no time for your foolishness. And games you focus on what the world sees not what I tell you I don't need a sub that can't listen so you go and. Enjoy your. Nice do". Followed by "You should ask your dom to write cum slut and whore on you in the next scene you do and cock slut".

I wanted to see how others really viewed "in a relationship" so I posted that question in two groups on fetlife. In the Submissive Women, I got some good response. However, I also got alot of unwanted relationship advise and lots of questions.

MK had text and stated he thought it best to back off. I explained to him what was going on. He offered me to be under his protection. This is where some of the questions came in. My profile was being viewed and then his. I had to explain that he was the one in question. Overall, alot of good feedback with the results being similar to how I viewed it.

I finished my first assignment for MK and emailed it to him. He did tell me it was good and he would respond in the morning via email. I couldn't wait to hear what he had to say.

Now with this distraction out of the way, I should be able to concentrate on learning and growing as a submissive. I've done some more reading and realize finding the perfect or close to Dominate may take a while so my decision not to rush is a good one.

I realize B never had my best interest at heart. He probably didn't even love me, those were just words to entrap me knowing its what I craved so bad. He never intended to do a scene with me or try anything I desired. He held that against me but if he refused to meet my needs then I would have to find someone that could. This as exactly what I did. I walked away from him the second time cuz he wasn't there for me, guiding me or willing to know my needs. He didn't trust, respect, communicate and wasn't honest. We lacked 6 of 6 values to a D/s relationship. I allowed talks with him just to prove to myself that it was truly over and it didn't take long for that to come about. I don't like how things went down but if he wants to blame me that is fine. I know I did what I could but I don't have to take his abuse which is what it was. I have found a good Dominate to guide me. The relationship is open and honest. There is communication and respect. Plus he is willing to explore the activities that I want to experience. This allows me to find the activities I like and I'm sure he will push my limits which hasn't been done.