Me

I thought this might be a good time to talk a little about myself. I dont do this often but this might be the right time.

I'm a female that takes responsibility and duty very seriously. When I had my children, I put them before everything. I did whatever was necessary for there needs to be met. My children are grown and having families of their own so now its time to find me. Over the last several years, I have taken the courage to explore a lifestyle that was exciting and fascinating.

When I discover something new, I don't mind sharing. The things I like aren't mainstream so I encourage others to learn so that there is maybe a little more acceptance in the world. I'm also not one to hide what I feel I am from my children. My 2 youngest don't want to hear about anything but my oldest listens and then shares her experiences with me. When I told her I was in the swing lifestyle, she said "Its about time".

I have always been very open minded. I love to learn about new things. However, at times, I have a hard time understanding because I can't see the reason or rational. When I find information, I continue to search until I can accept or at least come to an understanding.

I'm a visual creature by nature so its easier for me to learn from seeing or by hands on experience. I fear the unknown and at times will over think a topic which only creates greater fear. However, once I'm able to see or do, I can decide if I like or not.

Some will find this hard to believe but I'm a wallflower. My most recent example is I went to a munch several months ago and wasn't noticed. I had a good conversation with a dominate from Cleveland but the majority of the group didn't notice me. Then I started making friends on fetlife. I attended another munch where I was recognized by one of my new friends. She introduced me around and encouraged me to sit with others and not alone. She even offered for me to sit at her table. I did sit with others and had a great time. When I attended the next munch, I was again remembered. The response has improved with each addition munch that I have attended.

When I first met new people, I'm shy and withdrawn which isn't my true personality. I usually feel out of place because I don't have alot of knowledge about the people involved. But once I become known, my personality does come out. At times I can be humorous but also intelligient. I'm easy going, easy to talk to and show an interest in getting to know people. I dont judge eventhough I have been accused of judging. I accept people at face value until proven differently. I'm blunt and not afraid to ask questions. I'm strong-willed and even stubborn at times. But I'm also loyal and dependable.

I see my word as the only thing that no one can take from me...so when I say I will do something, I do it. I actually apply this to relationships also. When I commit to someone, I believe in that individual and will comply with what I believe their expectations are. If I don't believe I can be successful, I wont commit. This is where I currently am in my life. I want to belong to someone. I have a desire to serve but past relationships have shaken my trust in others. So I have decided to take a step back and commit to myself. That way the next time I enter a relationship, I hope to truely be successful.

The one thing I didn't mention is my sexual side. I love sex but I lack experience. I'm still learning about my sexuality and my body. I do have a high sex drive. I don't demand cause I'm only left wanting. But if I could have it my way, I would wake up to sex, have some in the afternoon and a session before going to sleep. I'm willing to try just about anything...key words are just about. However, I find that even though I'm told its good and many request to return, I really don't have there interest. I don't know whether this is cause I do want it alot or they just can't be contained by one woman. Of course my desire it to blame if you would ask my partners. The real funny thing is I don't ask or demand.

I guess I should discuss the "ask or demand" thing. I follow this in all aspects of my life. When I do ask or demand, I'm told "NO". So I have learned not to ask or make request. If I have a problem, I find a solution. I think this will create a problem in my desired D/s lifestyle. I have to learn to ask and share my needs, allow someone else to help me solve things. This will probably be a big area of trouble.