Starting the search

In Febuary of 2009, I decided to start my research on BDSM. Of course, I found the extreme sites with pics and discussions. I found a BDSM dictionary and began learning some of the words that would be used. Most of the information only created more questions. When I would ask B, he would mostly tell me to keep researching. I only became frustrated because I wasn't really getting the answers I needed.

B presented a contact to me in March of 2009. When I read the contract, I did't like some parts of it. I attempted to express my concerns to B but he only got upset and didn't persue it any further. I thought we would have a face to face discussion the next time we saw each other. Only that didn't happen. I gave up my research.

For some reason, I started my research again in January of 2010. I feel this attempt was rather successful. I used BDSM as to search in the beginning. However, with the second search, I decided not only to use BDSM but to search using submissive. With this I was able to find submissivejournal.com who posted an article "The Healthy Submissive" by Yalda Tovah. This article described me and how I had been feeling for most of my adult life. I also read about a BDSM checklist which should be completed to help a potential dom know what your interest is in and limits are. I completed the checklist and sent it out. I still have not had any real feedback. I also found Fetlife.com which is a social network for BDSM. I started a page.

While figuring out how to navigate the page, I found different groups and made several comments on threads that were posted. I made friends with other submissives that differ in the length in the lifestyle.

Then I found submissiveguide.com which produces a regular newletter on issues around submissiveness. I also got a wants and needs booklet and completed several of the activities. Luna the sub that does submissiveguide.com also sends out a topic each month for people to respond too. She will publish some of what is submitted.

A dom that I was talking too also gave me a task. He wanted me to research Gorean Society and Old Guard. Then i was to write an essay and send it to him. I had 2 days to complete the task. This was interesting.

Here is a copy of my essay:
Its been some interesting reading the differences between Gorean and the Old Guard. In my search for knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle, I'm finding may different things and points of view. I do believe that I'm coming to an understand in which I can live with.

The differences between Gorean and Old Guard are great. Both include elements of BDSM but how one reaches the roles are different. The relationships between the individuals are starkly different. It appears to be a caste system that exists in the Middle East. Gorean tends to belief that man is all knowledge and women should always defer to the Master or dominate male. The treatment of the women is offensive. I'm sure there is some level of respect but in the readings it isn't appartent. Also, they don't incorparate some of the principles and values that seem to be a primary focus in BDSM lifestyle or that of the Old Guard. Values such as honesty, respect, open communication and even love don't appear to matter. What matters is the control over anothers life. Its disturbing to know that in the Gorean lifestyle, safety words aren't respected and previous discussions of acceptable activities aren't necessarily respected. Once considered a slave, you have no rights, no outs.

The Old Guard appreciates principles and values. Those that are involved look to help others in there society. Respect, honesty and even volunteerism are held in high esteem. Individuals that violate the principles and values are considered a disgrace. The hierachy is also different. Its believed that individuals should start at the bottom before assuming the roles as dominates. This would help with emphathy toward submissives/slaves. The lines of communication are open to help, in my opinion, ensure honesty.

The differences are truely at the opposite ends. As I stated early, the treatment of women, submissives and slaves is insulting to me personally. It doesn't provide for safety and doesn't require the values I personal appreciate. However, the Old Guard can be appreciated. Its a lifestyle in which I could in fact live within. The values I find important are the premise of the lifestyle.

In my recent discussions with a submissive, I'm told a submissive is the Master's prize possession. In a conversation with a Mistress who is a slave, I was told I have to give my submission to a dom or Master. The dom or Master can't assume ownership, it must be given.