Earlier today I was thinking about writing about me and what I'm looking for and other miscellaneous items. But after my interaction with Mk, I think I need to write my thoughts to attempt to clear things in my mind.
I told him I wasn't feeling challenged, limits not pushed and I needed motivated. He stated that meant a power exchange which we didn't have an agreement for. He said as a mentor he could explore with me but not push my limits or request things from me. He stated he had a suggestion that would, in his mind, benefit both of us. He suggested a training collar. I very hesitant. He than ask what the difference was between a collar and mentoring. He also spoke about several potential assignments like finding out about different types of collaring and uses, checking out the information on albanypowerexchange.com and reading the Ethical Slut.
In my opinion, a collar is a symbol such as a wedding ring. This is how albany power exchange views it also. The site also talks about a deep relationship, love, trust and devotion. The site spoke of a ceremony and being owned. I don't want to be owned at this time. I care for MK but I don't love him nor do I have that starry eyed devotion that I should feel if I'm going to make that level of committment. Plus I keep thinking, he has his primary. I want the same level of devotation and care for me which isn't really possible because that person already exists.
MK says the training collar could be for 6 months or less but this still goes against what I believe is meant for the collar. I'm not experienced. I don't want to be limited at this time. I don't want to be owned. I want to explore and meet Dominates. I want to find that person that I can be totally devoted too, to be starry eyed.
This may sound weird but I will feel a connection with the man that I choose to totally submit too. I don't feel that connection with anyone right now. It maybe because of my break up and hurt feelings. Even though I have decided to move on, I still have alot of hurt and mistrust steming from my last 2 relationships.
I have been hidden and ignored while the other women in my last 2 exs lives have been acknowledged and very much out in the public. A couple of men recently have proclaimed to love me but I go days without hearing from them, my needs and life isn't important to them.
Yesterday, someone referred to submissives as "attention whores". I find this funny cuz it totally doesn't describe me but I can see where it would other submissives. Only I say they are borderline personality which i don't get along with. This might be why I really can't tolerate many.
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I'm a strong,independent woman who has only recently became aware of my submissive side. In reviewing my life, I have wanted to relinquish control and be dominated.
About Me
- sensualfreak
- I have recently had my submissive side awakened. I've had some tough times while learning to accept what I have always been. With acceptance, we are able to move to the next level.
Quotes
"It means nothing to dominate the weak....it's a badge of honor to dominate the strong.... Show me a strong, confident and assertive woman who kneels submissively at your feet ...and I'll show you a slave worth owning" ~Author Unknown
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
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