Ok...At the beginning of the year, I accepted that I was submissive. I found some readings and information that helped me to relate what I had been feeling and doing as qualities of being a submissive. However, my submissive nature has helped some individuals to take advantage of me. This abuse has created a wall that prevents most from seeing my true nature and keeps those at arms length.
Most that approach, don't have the desire or strength to break that wall and see the true woman that lies beneath. Because I give attitude and I'm a smart mouth, they don't see my true nature and then become negative and counter productive. Most that claim to be dominates are truely not. I also get the feeling that some become intimidated because I don't immediately bow to their will. They don't see my intelligience and assume that I am weak and stupid. They are so far from the truth. I degress...lol
The reason I feel I'm within the throws of sub frenzy is I'm inpatient to experience. I have become bored with reading and attempting to figure out the mean of everything. I want to experience what I am reading about. I want to experience the different fetishes. I want to know what I like and don't like. I want to see if I'm capable of surrendering and able to achieve subspace.
I don't want to be trained or collared because I feel those things should be left for the person that I choose to be my Dominate.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
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