I found this quote in a group on Fetlife which is extremely telling...the author is unknown:
"It means nothing to dominate the weak....it's is a badge of honor to dominate the strong.... Show me a strong, confident and assertive woman who kneels submisselely at your feet ...and I'll show you a slave worth owning"
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Appears Clear
I've been thinking about the comment that dancingbarez posted on my last blog..."You are doing the right thing in not responding. Just know it may be hard to keep quite on your end but it is probably driving her crazy." And I believe that she is correct, I am driving her crazy.
My stalker is so insanely jealous and insecure that when ever she argues with S, she believes he is running to me. The funny thing is he is thinking about me. Since I was the one that started his toy bag, he thinks of me when he is playing with her. Whatever he is doing to her, he did to me first and she knows this. Another thing that is bothering her is when he gears up to ride his bike, he will think of me. I made him look good with his gear for Christmas.
They both knows that I did more for him then she ever will. I didn't control him or encourage bad behavior. I didn't need him to come to my rescue. I had began to teach him to feel emotions and show those emotions on a certain level. I made no demands or requests, just provide information and support.
What she doesn't know is that those serious in this lifestyle won't put up with her bad behaviors. They won't tolerate her inappropriate rants that are considered 'bullying", I consider stalking. That my actions and lack of response show my maturity and intelligence, something she has already proved to be lacking.
I don't need to lie, there is no reason. I don't need to pursue a man, I have enough seeking me. I choose who to spend time with, I don't have to manipulate. I have standards and needs. If they aren't being met, my choice is to walk away because I deserve better.
It all seems so simple but took a lot to come too. I believe things are falling into place and who knows when that right person will appear
My stalker is so insanely jealous and insecure that when ever she argues with S, she believes he is running to me. The funny thing is he is thinking about me. Since I was the one that started his toy bag, he thinks of me when he is playing with her. Whatever he is doing to her, he did to me first and she knows this. Another thing that is bothering her is when he gears up to ride his bike, he will think of me. I made him look good with his gear for Christmas.
They both knows that I did more for him then she ever will. I didn't control him or encourage bad behavior. I didn't need him to come to my rescue. I had began to teach him to feel emotions and show those emotions on a certain level. I made no demands or requests, just provide information and support.
What she doesn't know is that those serious in this lifestyle won't put up with her bad behaviors. They won't tolerate her inappropriate rants that are considered 'bullying", I consider stalking. That my actions and lack of response show my maturity and intelligence, something she has already proved to be lacking.
I don't need to lie, there is no reason. I don't need to pursue a man, I have enough seeking me. I choose who to spend time with, I don't have to manipulate. I have standards and needs. If they aren't being met, my choice is to walk away because I deserve better.
It all seems so simple but took a lot to come too. I believe things are falling into place and who knows when that right person will appear
Monday, February 27, 2012
Damn
Just when I thought my stalker had gotten the message and I would be able to move on, she has again attempted to start drama. I rejoined a group on Fetlife and responded. Nothing to do with her but she had to make it about her.
I responded to "DO BISEXUAL WOMEN LOVE/HATE TO SHARE THEIR GUY WITH OTHER WOMEN?" My response was "I think it depends on the honesty of your partner. When I was in vanilla relationships and it was suppose to be monogamous, I didn't want to share that wasn't the point. But now that I have been exploring poly relationships, I have a different perspective. I have enjoyed watching my partner have sex with other women and see both of being satisfied.
I responded to "DO BISEXUAL WOMEN LOVE/HATE TO SHARE THEIR GUY WITH OTHER WOMEN?" My response was "I think it depends on the honesty of your partner. When I was in vanilla relationships and it was suppose to be monogamous, I didn't want to share that wasn't the point. But now that I have been exploring poly relationships, I have a different perspective. I have enjoyed watching my partner have sex with other women and see both of being satisfied.
I also must say that in the poly relationships that I have been able to observe, both are permitted to have other involvements. But prior to the involvements, the primaries are aware of the potential involvements and have agreed with the person. It really is all about communication and trust if you plan to share one another."
Very bland and from my past experiences. But she had to post this "whytechocolate: about 8 hours ago : Trust honesty both are important in or out of a relationship.but being very selective in picking the third is also very important.because some get so obsessed they will do watever it takes to sabotage because their life us so pathetic and they want wat another has. They will lie on the other person but the truth always comes out. And karma bites. So deff take some time to get to know the other on ur own first. I'm so. Excited I think I've found the perfect long term third for Uus. Next I want to find a fourth cuz damn He can sure handle it"
I guess she has nothing better to do than attempt to get start drama. The funny thing is Karma hasn't bit me in the ass as she has assumed. But it has her. I believe what she has posted is nothing more than a lie posted in an effort to hurt me. She is speaking more about herself in this mini rant than me. She doesn't know what is going on between me and S so she is attempting to provoke me. She is probably fighting with him so she wanted me to fight with him also. This chapter is going to be a mystery for her...lmao.
Oh...I didn't respond to the post because I don't want to be inappropriate as she is so I again emailed the group owner. Hopefully, she will be banned from the group since she continues to just want to start drama. She doesn't understand that most don't like drama, they actually want to learn and experience.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Rant
I'm not feeling good. I have a tooth that is killing me and I started my period. Either of these things could be causing my headache and negative mood.
Ok...now to my rant. In my city, an individual is setting up for a meet and greet. From my conversations, several have been getting together on the regular but now have expanded to Fetlife. Now the person attempting to do this is young but I get the feeling that she is extremely ashamed of who she is.
She has ask for ideas for locations twice in a thread in a local group on Fetlife. I have offered viable suggestions each time only to receive a response back, thank you but no thank you. The first time I suggested having a play party at the local swing club. But she knows that person who owns the club who knows her family and she doesn't want people to know about her lifestyle. However, if I set something up, she would attend.
Again today she as for suggestions as for locations for a meet and greet. I suggested Denny's for a munch and BW3 for a meet and greet. The response back was they were both "too public". When I questioned that she responded she didn't want to go anywhere that children could be. She also stated as a mother, she didn't want to hold anything where children could be. Also the group didn't want pics taken and some didn't want their name out there because of their professions. I'm totally confused on this and have replied back through email several times. I don't understand what have a munch or meet-n-greet in a public place, vanilla setting, has to do with acknowledging what we are or like. I thought that the purpose of the vanilla activities were so people could get to know each other, people that think a like and enjoy some of the same activities.
I see her as putting up road blocks when it isn't necessary. No one will be wearing a banner stating "I'm a freak...come beat me". I think everyone values their privacy but also values getting to know others who are similar.
Maybe I'm just to cranky and should have avoided the internet today. But if someone ask for suggestions, should they consider it instead of just shooting it down.
Ok...now to my rant. In my city, an individual is setting up for a meet and greet. From my conversations, several have been getting together on the regular but now have expanded to Fetlife. Now the person attempting to do this is young but I get the feeling that she is extremely ashamed of who she is.
She has ask for ideas for locations twice in a thread in a local group on Fetlife. I have offered viable suggestions each time only to receive a response back, thank you but no thank you. The first time I suggested having a play party at the local swing club. But she knows that person who owns the club who knows her family and she doesn't want people to know about her lifestyle. However, if I set something up, she would attend.
Again today she as for suggestions as for locations for a meet and greet. I suggested Denny's for a munch and BW3 for a meet and greet. The response back was they were both "too public". When I questioned that she responded she didn't want to go anywhere that children could be. She also stated as a mother, she didn't want to hold anything where children could be. Also the group didn't want pics taken and some didn't want their name out there because of their professions. I'm totally confused on this and have replied back through email several times. I don't understand what have a munch or meet-n-greet in a public place, vanilla setting, has to do with acknowledging what we are or like. I thought that the purpose of the vanilla activities were so people could get to know each other, people that think a like and enjoy some of the same activities.
I see her as putting up road blocks when it isn't necessary. No one will be wearing a banner stating "I'm a freak...come beat me". I think everyone values their privacy but also values getting to know others who are similar.
Maybe I'm just to cranky and should have avoided the internet today. But if someone ask for suggestions, should they consider it instead of just shooting it down.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Those around us
I've been thinking that the people that we have around us are a reflections of us and our values. This doesn't just apply to our vanilla life but all aspects of our lives especially within the lifestyle.
When your new to the lifestyle, the information available could be shocking and overwhelming. But when you have a chance to observe interactions/play and chat with people, you find it isn't as shocking and trust is primary. So you look for people that have the same values as you and hopefully they will provide you with some valuable information.
I had a friend that was new to the lifestyle. Actually loosely feeling his way through. His reported sub continued to encourage him to be mentored by those individuals that she had an appreciation for. I encouraged him to look toward the leaders of the community for information, not those loosely associated. I also stated since her character was in question, she had a history to repeat negative behaviors like lying and stealing, he should avoid those that she suggested. Something along the lines of guilt by association. That probably wasn't correct since everyone should be taken at face value but when several with questionable characters are all associated then some serious questions arise.
Now that I'm again looking for a Dominant, this is all coming into play. I want to find someone the has knowledge, a skill set and is able to put it all together. I also want him to see me as a person and give me respect as I will give him. Our roles are different but when they are in harmony, its a beautifully, decorated two way street.
When your new to the lifestyle, the information available could be shocking and overwhelming. But when you have a chance to observe interactions/play and chat with people, you find it isn't as shocking and trust is primary. So you look for people that have the same values as you and hopefully they will provide you with some valuable information.
I had a friend that was new to the lifestyle. Actually loosely feeling his way through. His reported sub continued to encourage him to be mentored by those individuals that she had an appreciation for. I encouraged him to look toward the leaders of the community for information, not those loosely associated. I also stated since her character was in question, she had a history to repeat negative behaviors like lying and stealing, he should avoid those that she suggested. Something along the lines of guilt by association. That probably wasn't correct since everyone should be taken at face value but when several with questionable characters are all associated then some serious questions arise.
Now that I'm again looking for a Dominant, this is all coming into play. I want to find someone the has knowledge, a skill set and is able to put it all together. I also want him to see me as a person and give me respect as I will give him. Our roles are different but when they are in harmony, its a beautifully, decorated two way street.
Fear of taking the next step
I've been speaking with a vanilla guy who seems to have a freak side. He has wanted me to have sex but I'm a little timid of actually becoming involved. I've never really had this problem, I'm always been a little hesitate especially when meeting the person for the first time. And yes I believe in having sex on the first date or meeting, need to know if its good or no need to come back.
I've always been self conscious and doubtful about my abilities, but with my last involvement those feelings are intensified. I keep thinking of his words which he said were out of anger and the actions that proceed those words, I can't get them out of my mind.
I don't want to be hurt and I'm attempting to put walls up but I am still resistant to meeting another because of questions. He is calling me "Beautiful" because he believes it or to make me feel good so I will meet him? Is he a player, he states not? Does he have an alternative agenda? What if we meet face to face and he really don't like me? Will he be honest or will he continue to lie to me? So many questions, how do I take the next step?
I've always been self conscious and doubtful about my abilities, but with my last involvement those feelings are intensified. I keep thinking of his words which he said were out of anger and the actions that proceed those words, I can't get them out of my mind.
I don't want to be hurt and I'm attempting to put walls up but I am still resistant to meeting another because of questions. He is calling me "Beautiful" because he believes it or to make me feel good so I will meet him? Is he a player, he states not? Does he have an alternative agenda? What if we meet face to face and he really don't like me? Will he be honest or will he continue to lie to me? So many questions, how do I take the next step?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Driving...Thinking
Today as I was driving to pick my daughter up to take her to Children's Hospital where her son was having emergency surgery I thought..."Wow, I might not make a good submiss" This thought popped in my head because I thought back about a Fetlife thread where someone commented that a sub was not good considered good if she didn't put her Dominate first in everything.
I have always put my children as a priority. When I have a partner, I place him at the same level as my children. However, I'm very up front with anyone entering my life "My children are a priority. If they call, I'm gone". I have made that statement to employers and the educational system. This type of priority also extents to my grandchildren. They do carry my DNA so they belong to me also.
I must admit, all that I have been involved with has understood this. They actually feel the same way. If I had a Dominate or Owner, I would feel the same way for their family. If they called, I would do what I could. I hope this would show my respect and devotion to Sir.
One thing about me, I take care of those important to me. My children especially but the rest of my family isn't excluded. Just on a different level.
I have always put my children as a priority. When I have a partner, I place him at the same level as my children. However, I'm very up front with anyone entering my life "My children are a priority. If they call, I'm gone". I have made that statement to employers and the educational system. This type of priority also extents to my grandchildren. They do carry my DNA so they belong to me also.
I must admit, all that I have been involved with has understood this. They actually feel the same way. If I had a Dominate or Owner, I would feel the same way for their family. If they called, I would do what I could. I hope this would show my respect and devotion to Sir.
One thing about me, I take care of those important to me. My children especially but the rest of my family isn't excluded. Just on a different level.
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