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I have recently had my submissive side awakened. I've had some tough times while learning to accept what I have always been. With acceptance, we are able to move to the next level.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Analyzing

I have had time to think about my last involvements. B once said I was too busy wanting to please the flesh instead of training my mind. I actually understand this but feel trust has been my stopping point. I can't allow my mind to fall blindly if the person isn't trustworthy. And every time I begin to trust, the person shows me that they really aren't worthy of my trust.

Everyone says things are black and white but talk gray. Statements aren't clear. Like willingness will result in earning. The willingness is there but nothing is ever earned. No training takes place even when ask. My intelligence is ignored. Am I to be mindless when I have been independent and full of thoughts for my entire adult life. I'm told to be me but me isn't what anyone wants.

For a minute I thought I needed to be in a 24/7 relationship to fully learn and gain that mindset that I'm so lacking. But now I think I just need to be a play partner. I need to know what my limits are for the physical play because that is really all I wanted. But I must say the blogs with details and videos do ignite me.

I looking for a Dominate that is able to sense my desire to submit and then takes it. The Dominate probably only exists on paper and I will be continuely disappointed. I'm not going to settle any longer. I'm going to explore, attend events and make friends.

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