Moving Forward

First I must say I'm proud of myself. B contacted me this week wanting to meet for a booty call. I had wanted to but I had my older granddaughters who can't stay alone. He told me he would call on his way back through. I hadn't really responded. Oh how I wish I could have fucked him but its better that I didn't. I'm proud of myself cause I texted him yesterday and requested he not contact me on his way through. I told him I couldn't be his boody call and he made it plain that we had no future. He texted back "ok". Shortly after that he texted again "Sorry for bothering you". I didn't respond to either.

I thought about alot of things since he contacted me. He only cared for his needs. He has a list of numbers that he is able to call but choose to call me and attempt to drag me back into his drama. He made his choice and repeatedly it wasn't me. I love him so deeply but I just can't do what he wants. He didn't recognize anything that I had done or my loyalty, my trust, my devotion.

Of course, all this comes on the tails of the rug being pulled out from under me with S & S. I'm feeling so unwanted at this time. I wish I had someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright but that is a fantasy. I don't know how I will ever trust anyone. In the last couple of years, the individuals that I have began to trust have rocked me. I just don't know how I will get past the trust issue in the future.