Disappointed

In life, we all face disappointments and I'm no different. I was so excited for this day to arrive only to be disappointed. The Top that I had arranged my rope scene with is unable to make the party tonight. In his email, he did ask for a raincheck which I gladly agreed too.

I had been thinking about not going for several reasons. The first one is work is kicking my ass. After 5 months of being off work, I'm having trouble sleeping at night and I'm just so worn out by Friday. I know it will get better and its going to take time to change my sleep schedule. Also I need to get use to being active during the day again. Plus with just getting back to work, I had bills and really couldn't afford at this time. However, events scheduled next month and through the summer should prove to be just as great as the one I'm missing.

Sometimes it sucks to be a responsible adult.

This got me thinking this morning. I feel a lot of pity for some women that I have encountered in the recent years. They appear to be jealous and insecure. They are unable to let go of toxic relationships or see the toxic person as the problem. They would rather believe the lies that are offered by the toxic person than see the patterns that exist. The impact of the toxic person has severely affect their lives but they are unable to move past and remain stagnant.

Oh well, not my problem. I have made the decision to move forward and not let them affect me any longer. By doing this, I have released a lot of stress and I'm able to focus on what is important.

Safety Concerns

This was posted in a Fetlife group and I was ask to leave because of a veiled threat and drama...can you believe? I also find it funny that in another thread on Fetlife, a person states sex offenders are leaders of their kink community. I'm simply amazed that some are ignoring safety issues. Has our community ignored safety just to achieve pleasure?

In this day, everyone needs to be aware and warned about issues surrounding stalking/bullying. We hear about cyber stalking and bullying with our children and in schools but seem not to recognize it in our adult lives. The funny thing is we see shows on tv that explain the details of individuals being stalked in their adult life while officials and others around them felt they were just paranoid or making too much of nothing. Well, it happens to adults just as it does our children.

Relationships don't work. An individual becomes jealous and is unable to let go. These individuals will then pursue for reasons unknown to anyone. They will attempt to destroy other relationships that the person is moving toward. They attempt to embarrass and ruin a reputation by posting their delusional version of the truth and playing the victim when they are the instigator.

I'm writing this because I want women to be aware and safe. Remember this is the internet and the person your chatting with can literally be anyone. Unfortunately, you need to be aware of women just as you are of men. Again, some tv shows have documented that women can and will be just as devious and deadly as men.

One thing that was suggested to me was to have a separate email account for your freak side, totally separate from your primary. Be cautious about handing out personal information like address.

If a meeting is suggested, make sure its in a public place. Feel free to ask for references before meeting. You can negotiate to have another trusted friend present during the scene or arrange for a safe call. Otherwise, make sure that someone knows where you're going and who your meeting. I even read once that the person took a picture of the license plate and sent to a family member and friend.

We have a lot of new people to the lifestyle who are exploring and I think we need to stress safety. Some could harm you physically and others could be an annoyance.

Have fun but be safe.

Chapters

In life, I consider the different situations and relationships to be chapters. You close one and open a new. Some are writing multiple books at a time such as work or family and of course relationship. Well, I'm closing one.

I have determined that some have nothing significant to offer my life. They have only caused hurt and stress so it's time to close this chapter so to begin another.

So tonight, I'm going to a local micro brewery for St. Patrick's Day festivities. The have a Celtic band playing and I'm going to enjoy friends that influence my life on a positive note.

Then next week I will be writing another chapter in my kink life. I'm so excited about the party. I just don't know what to where. I'm going to play and relax in a hot tub.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekends.

Working

Oh...returning to the employment world is cutting in on my blog time. I'm not having as much time to think about things. I was doing so well. I was hoping to hit 200 blogs on my 2 year anniversary. I would have but got to work...lol

The anticipation of my upcoming scenes is driving me crazy. Only a week and a half away. Woohoooo!!!

Other things are falling into place also. But time will tell if resolved.

Its just disturbing that individuals who are honest and flexible are encouraged to be attacked. While those that are derogatory and truth challenged are permitted to contaminant. Hmmm...just doesn't make sense.

Resume and Ethics

I've been doing some reading and have thought about doing a Submissive Resume. Since I'm unowned and unpartnered, I think this will be something good to have to present to any possible partners whether for play or long term interaction.

I already live by a code of ethics which are similar to the social worker's code of ethics. I believe in treating people with dignity and respect. I take people at face value until they prove to be unworthy by being dishonest or attempting to manipulate others. I don't force my opinions or values on others.

Of course, this is a work in progress. There are other areas that I need to look at but one part will be difficult and that is where a Master is concerned. Since I don't have one, I will put something generic together and modify it when the time comes. I'll work on and post the finished product.

A Great Sunday Morning

As Sundays go, this one has had a wonderful start. I actually woke up before noon which is good because I'm starting my new job tomorrow. However, being on 3rd for over 8 years is making it hard to switch my sleep times. Even though I haven't worked in almost 6 months, I have maintained the same schedule. But now, its time for a change plus I have to be at work at 8 am. Its going to be a long week...lol

Another good thing was I was able to cam with G. We hadn't done that in a long time. He said it had been a year and it may have well been. Of course he put his up so I could see as well. He said all the things that I needed to hear. He also promised to try and have daily contact with me. That had been one of the issues that caused me to pull away.

I think if we were remotely close to each other, he would be the Dominant for me. He knows me, understands my mental health issues and knows what I need. He stated that he would cherish me and I do believe him when he says he loves me.

Unfortunately, we both take our responsibilities seriously especially those to our family. He will not ask me to leave them and I will not ask him to leave his. I can't wait to see where this leads.

This Week

This week has been a pretty good week. Eros Gathering was a great start and I had some really good energy for a couple of days. I forgot to mediate and I think the dark energy returned...I need to be consist with mediating. Also, I need to start doing yoga again.

S has been calling. He has even ask if he could visit. I never really thought he would but he made his appearance last night. He confuses me. He calls and basically starts drama by regurgitating the lies that bitch has to offer. She doesn't give him the whole truth and then shows him that I posted a comment after her. Its frustrating that he states he is intelligent but is unable to see that my responses are appropriate to the poster, not just to agitate and start drama. He doesn't see her inappropriate post because the owners of the groups feel they are inappropriate and delete them. I have yet to have a post deleted...hmmm...wonder why. Could it be that I respond to the poster? Hmmmm....

He doesn't see the damage he has done. I think he feels that since I'm talking too him that everything is fine but it isn't. He states he misses the good times we had. The funny thing is I don't remember any good times. This is partly because of what I was going through and the other part how he responded. I wish he would understand that he has nothing to offer me. That he has driven a wedge between us with how he has responded to the whole situation. It just shows he didn't take the time to know me. I guess he will learn when I'm truly gone and no longer available.

On the other hand, G continues to tell me how he loves me. This week he surprised and scared me a little by telling me that I will never know how much he wants me and loves me. As I have told him, time and distance has been against us. I'm hopeful that at some point, one of us will actually be able to make it to see the other. I think if we ever do meet face to face, it will be so amazing that neither will want to separate from the other. We have taken the time to get to know each other and meeting will be the needed bonus.

G and I have been talking for almost 4 years. He also told me that he see the progress I have made in that time. Oh...don't doubt we have had our problems. I have deleted him and re-added him several times. I think he is the one person that I can tell anything too and he will be supportive. I think if I truly needed him, he would come to my assistance. He sees me as an intelligent, independent, strong-willed woman. Instead of stating what he believes to be negative or break me, he wants to nurture the areas which I show weakness such as patience. He encourages me to try what I desire and not to hold back.

Oh...how I wish he was here or I was there...I think G is the reason I am hesitate about getting into a real relationship. Because of how we feel about each other, it wouldn't be fair to anyone that I become involved with. Also, he knows that I have needs and encourages me to take care of them. He doesn't demand that I suffer.