Yesterday, I posted something about being a difficult woman. I can honestly say I'm one of those difficult women. I'm upfront and honest when I start talking to someone new. I tell them how I'm going to react to certain situations. I'm always told by the individual that it won't be a problem, they will be able to handle it. The funny part, my moods are never handled well.
At this time, I'm maintaining control better than I have in the past. I've been a little upset because I'm feeling neglected and ignored. I don't think this is the way to nurture a potential relationship.
I re-read some recent messages from Sir which all seem positive and encouraging but my anger has taken over at this point. I've always been a wallflower and ignored. Sir hasn't ask what my needs are but I believe I have made mention within other blogs and conversations.
I ask what his needs was and he stated his desires are "simply". He doesn't realize my are much more simpler than his. At some point when I'm with him, I need to feel important and have his attention.
He one time discussed poly with me. To me, in a poly household all the women are hold at the same level. This prevents any jealousy. Each has equal time, equal play and are encouraged to get along with one another so that the household runs smoothy. Even if the individuals don't live together, the same circumstances exist so that Sir remains happy and satisfied.
I feel I'm only around to provide information. I have no other value which is so wrong. Communication has been lax and no time has really been taken to get to know me, so much has been missed. I have no doubts that I'm capable of doing whatever he needs and that includes pain.
Fear has stopped me from experimenting with pain. I have a high pain tolerance. I delivered babies with no meds. I had surgery and didn't take pain meds after the day of surgery. I always stopped pain medication after the 1st 24 hours. What I do take is over the counter, not prescription.
D/s is a two way street. If I'm submitting and meeting the needs of a Dominant than I expect my needs to be meet. Besides the ones mentioned above, I expected to be cared for and sexually satisfied.
I'm a very sexual person and that side of me has been ignored for years. Dominants seem to use it as a way to punishment. I could be doing everything right, meeting their needs but my sexual needs which is most important to me is ignored. I remain loyal to one til the relationship is done which hasn't seemed to impress anyone. Everyone prefers women that open themselves to everyone. I just don't understand, probably never will. (past experiences)
Tonight was a rambling night...I just had to get it out.
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I'm a strong,independent woman who has only recently became aware of my submissive side. In reviewing my life, I have wanted to relinquish control and be dominated.
About Me
- sensualfreak
- I have recently had my submissive side awakened. I've had some tough times while learning to accept what I have always been. With acceptance, we are able to move to the next level.
Quotes
"It means nothing to dominate the weak....it's a badge of honor to dominate the strong.... Show me a strong, confident and assertive woman who kneels submissively at your feet ...and I'll show you a slave worth owning" ~Author Unknown
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
"Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty.
Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman.. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person but just the opposite. She is strong. Shis is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the Dominant is there to catch her if she falters. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman."
-Unknown Author-
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "— Anais Nin -
“The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn’t even understand what this word means.” -Sir J-
"Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self." — William Henkin.
“Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.” - Valyraen
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