New Beginning

I had put my life on hold because I had to make my family and their needs as a priority. However, that has been almost resolved. On Friday, we received the call that organs were available for my grandson. So at 12:45 am on Saturday morning, he went into surgery to receive a new liver, colon, small intestine, panaceas and stomach. He is on his way to healing and living a somewhat normal life.

Now, I can move my life to the next stage. I have not been serious about finding a dominant because I could not commit to the level that I needed due to the priority I made my grandson. However, I can now look after my own needs cause my baby no longer needs me as he did nor does his mama.

I will have to think about this. This is a big step for me to seriously consider a Dominant.

Submissive Emotions and the Dominant By DauntlessVitality

Submissive Emotions and the Dominant

"I warned you! I told you how this would be. I told you how intense this could and probably would become. I told you how emotional this would become for you. I told you this would be like no other relationship you have ever had. I told you how it would be hard to go back once I had taken you there. Did you believe me? Did you think I was lying? Did you really think I was just telling you things to lure you in? Maybe...maybe not. You had no way of knowing. You had no reference point. You had never been here before to be able to understand. But...now you see. Now you get it. Now you understand. Now...you are addicted!"

I read about a lot of women who decide to embrace her submissive side. She comes out of the closet and becomes more open about who she is and needs to be. But does she really know what she is in for? Does she really know how emotional and mental this will become? Does she really even know what she wants and is willing to do? No! There is no way she can.

There are several aspects we can look at in this regard. Today I just want to focus on emotions. More specifically, the emotions that come about and begin evolve once she takes the steps and gets going in this lifestyle. Once a submissive woman comes to grips with her needs and desires, and finds the right Dominant to lead her down this road, that's when things get much more deep than she can imagine them being.
From personal experience, I can tell you that no woman, no matter what or how you try to explain to her, can grasp how her emotions will become involved. How her need will grow. How this will become an addiction for her. She has no way to know. She has no reference point as of now. I can drill into a sub how intense this can be. How emotional it will become. But until she is actually there and feeling it, she really can't know and understand.

She will be required, with me anyway, to be completely open and honest at all times. She will be required to open herself and her inner thoughts to me like she never has to anyone before in her life. She will be faced with being vulnerable like never before. In many women this will strike fear. Fear of having to be that open. Fear of having to share such a dark side of her newly discovered self. Fear of being hurt by being so open. There is no hiding and no holding back. Many times she has been hurt in the past, and has withdrawn and put up so many barriers that it takes an entire demolition crew to begin to knock down those walls. This can be a very emotional time for her. She wants this and needs this, but is scared to death at the same time, as she is introduced more and more to this life by discussions, pictures, assignments, and so on.
This is where having the right Dominant is so important. It is at this very moment that her entire submissiveness swings in the balance. This can become the best thing ever, or it can become the nightmare she so greatly fears. Who holds the key to which way it will swing? I, the Dominant, does. It is up to me to guide her through this jungle of emotions. It is up to me to support her, do all I can to make her feel safe, and to show her I care. That I'm not just here to use her and do all these naughty things to her and treat her like trash. Although, this may be what she believes by all she has seen and read on the internet. I'm here to help support and hold her up. I'm here to lead her down this path, help her face her fears, and see that I mean what I say and I am who I say I am. That I'm not here to tear her down, but to build her up. It is through this support and care that she will begin to believe that I am truly here for her. That I really do want to help her be who she needs to be, and in a loving and caring manner. That I don't want to change her, but want to open her up and help her spread her wings to be who she already is.

There are a lot of Doms, or alleged Doms, out there. They will make all sorts of claims. Many think it's about having a woman bow to you, get on her knees, suck your cock, there for you to fuck whenever they want, etc... They think it would be great to have a woman do whatever they say. What they don't know and realize is how much time and effort goes into a submissive in supporting and caring for her. He doesn't realize that, in contradictory terms, the more of himself he gives to her, the more he will get from her. There is so much work on a mental and emotional side of a D/s relationship, before you really can appreciate and accept the physical side of it. There's no wonder a lot of submissives I read about have had issues and problems in the lifestyle. Lucky for us good Dominants (yes I'm making an assumption about myself), the drive and pull in a submissive keeps her going and looking, even after a bad experience or two.

My point is this...there are some very emotional times for a submissive in coming to grips with who she is. It takes a lot of work and effort to be able to guide her and get her comfortable with this. It takes a caring and strong Dominant to be able to work through this with her, and want to work through this with her. If you take the time to build her up, show her the way, show her how great this can be, take care of and support her, then you are building a strong foundation for your future. She will be much more loyal and giving of herself, if she sees and knows you are willing to give of yourself as well. If your foundation is weak, well...don't be surprised when the house comes tumbling down. It's no ones fault but your own, as the Dominant. She has no way to know otherwise and is counting on you to know and lead her.

Can you do that? Can you build a strong foundation for her to be steady on her feet? Can you work with her the way she needs and deserves? Can you give yourself to her, so she will give herself in return? Can you? You better! Or you better not act surprised when you have lots of issues that can't be resolved. She deserves the best and all you have. If you can't give her that, then maybe you should stay in the kiddie pool until you grow up enough to swim with the adults!

Another Great Party

On Saturday, I attended another great party at Master Doug's and piggy's. They are the most gracious host and hostess. 

This month was smaller than last month but it still had a lot of great energy. There was a gender sadistic challenge where a female sadist and a male sadist each picked 5 implements to use on a volunteer. The male won just based on power because he was able to break the skin. 

I was able to observe a newbie negotiating a scene where he would be tied up and possible electric used. I saw the beginning of the rope being tied around him.

I watched a scene with OD and piggy. Piggy was great. She didn't move or yell or jump with any snap of the dragon tail or crack of a paddle. I was impressed. I didn't see her second scene but saw the pics where a paddle with tacks  was used. She had some blood dripping but the next day, you barely saw any marks at all on her beautiful ass.

Another friend is having a breast reduction so we said good bye to her boobies...she took markers around so people could write their good-byes. I think she is a little nervous about surgery but she knows we are there to support.

Just as one is willing saying good-bye, another is being forced. She has found out that she has breast cancer in both breast. She just informed her friends this week. We have tried to turn Fetlife pink in support of her. Several turned the party pink on Saturday. She also knows, we as a community will be there to support her when she is in need. My prayers go out to both of my friends.

Now another month and another month of parties...I seem to make it to 2. The L3 and Master Doug's. The L3 is more to listen to music and relax. At Master Doug's, I'm working the nerve to actually play.

OMG...

OMG...my stalker has decided to maybe come play in my play ground. I think she may have grown her balls.

She has decided to mark on Fetlife she may be coming to the swing event that I've went too the last 2 months. That leaves me to wonder why. Is she reading my posting where I'm writing I'm being ignored and she wants to prove she can get everyone's attention. I hate to tell her, she has no standards so she will get every dick's attention. I on the other hand am a little more selective and don't want every dick that approaches.

I'm comfortable being a strong, independent and intelligent female and those men who take an interest enjoy a woman who is well rounded not just physically but in all areas. I can carry on conversations about multiple topics that don't include sex. I have a sense of humor and generally likeable.

Where as my stalker is nothing more than a gutter rat. She can only spread her legs, checks and lips. All 3 holes are well used with no protection and I would be scared at what I might get if I used one of those gaping holes.

Plus, knowing this is a party that I attend, this will be her 3 instance of physical stalking. She will catch a case and in my yard...so sweet.

Another Swing Event

I went to another swinger event last night. I've decided the only thing that its really good for is watching people and some slight relaxing. It does prove my point that I'm nothing more than a wallflower. 

Again I was ignored. One I didn't expect to approach me because he protocols require me to address him. Well, that wasn't going to happen so we were at an impasse.

But the one I didn't expect to ignore me did. Well I should have expected it. He has ignored me in every other way but never intentionally at an event. I have gave the respect of calling him Sir and he has not been gracious in returning the respect. I have tried talking to him. Actually the only way I've been able to communicate with him is too text or email. I've had no alone time with him since December. I think I've met him twice for an hour each time but there has always been a group of people around.

He also doesn't understand D/s and BDSM play. I've realized once he finds something that a sub/slave likes he limits her to that activity. Like he only mentioned playing with clothes pins with me when there was so much more that I liked, enjoyed and wanted to try. He did the same with his slave.

He also assumed that since I was going to play publicly that I had a Dominant when I don't. Just because I have developed a trusting friendship with another and opt to participate in physical play doesn't me I'm involved in a D/s relationship. Two totally different things but at times these things could be joined.

On the positive side I did meet and chat with 2 individuals that were simply fascinating. One has been wanting to meet me for a while and recognized me upon my arrival. We chatted and I believed he loved my bluntness.

The other noticed me sitting alone and decided to approach. He stated he had come at the request of a friend and wasn't wanting to interrupt if I was meeting anyone. But since I was ignored, I was good. We chatted about our swing experiences, our children and professional lives.

It was a great time. No pressure like the last time.

Intimidated and Vulnerable

I admitted to 2 Dominants recently that pain intimidated.  But as I thought about it, its not that pain intimidates me, I think its more the fear of being vulnerable and the potential sub drop.

I've always been in control or at least try. When things don't go as planned, I become frustrated but I'm able to think and re-adjust. So actually giving control over to someone and opening my self up is quit intimidating.

I have did minimal play in public like trying fire and the violent wand but I haven't tried anything else. I had the opportunity to various paddles, whips and even a flogger but ran. I was watching another receive her first spanking and I was getting excited and wet. So I think the combination of my bodies reaction and the intimidation spooked me.

I don't really have a Dominant to discuss these things with or to guide me so I'm left on my own to figure things out and process my feelings. It takes me a little longer to see the obvious at times. 

I think at the next play party, I'm going to try and force my limits. I'm going to try and play in public. I want to be flogged. I've tried paddles once and I wasn't impressed and I will try whips again. I don't think I'll be impressed with them either but I think I need to try a couple of times before deciding. 

"You're no submissive"

"You’re no submissive!” (when I don’t get my own way)
“You’re no submissive!” (when you question me)
“You’re no submissive!” (when you won’t obey)
“You’re no submissive!” (when you express your opinion)
“You’re no submissive!” (when you disagree with me)
“You’re no submissive!” (when you say no)
I’m “no submissive” when you disregard my needs.
I’m “no submissive” when you don’t allow me to understand.
I’m “no submissive” when you don’t help me feel safe before acting.
I’m “no submissive” when you dismiss my views.
I’m “no submissive” when you won’t accept our differences.
I’m “no submissive” when you violate my rights.
When I’m “no submissive” - you are no Dom.
~Author Unknown