Well November is my birthday month and the month that I make serious attempts to go to events. So I have looked and lined several up. The first being Kinky Bowl on Saturday. I hope to kick some ass...lol
Then my birthday weekend, I'm still trying to decide which to attend. On Friday, there are 2 events. The Perversion Diversion which is a meet n greet at a pool hall. Then there is L3 which is at a swing club. On Saturday, there is a munch and play party or I might just enjoy dinner and a movie with a friend. Sunday will be my alone time unless I get a better offer...lol.
There didn't seem to be much toward the end of the month. But December appears to hold some attraction also. Such as L3, Perversion Diversion, several munches and Season's Beatings, just to name a few.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Inspired
A couple recent events have given me new hope and inspiration. The first was a fabulous night with some new friends. After walking away permanently from my play partner, I had decided to refocus my efforts on my family and work. So I spent most of my time working long hours, only making myself available when one of my children needed me.
Then one night while chatting with a new friend, she invited me come play with her husband/Dominant and their sub. I was going to be a surprise. I thought this would be cool and became extremely excited. I had no intentions of participating. My only plan was to watch the 3 at play.
When the question arose about moving to the bedroom so that we could relax without the constraints of clothing, I was the first to say "ok". I enjoyed the touching. Each of us touching one another. It was so relaxing.
Then too my surprise, I was told they were going to show me their "hospitality". Oh how I loved their "hospitality". All the touching focused on me. A female at each breast, one sucking easy and the other nibbling creating just enough pain. And of course, Sir was enjoying the taste of my pussy. The release was so needed as well as all the touching.
I continued to watch and enjoy the whole scene. Then I was taken by surprise again when Sir grabbed my legs, pulling my bottom closer to the edge of the bed and causing me to lay back. He pushed my legs up toward my chest giving him access to what he wanted. The feel of a dick in me for the first time in months was great and the rhythm was perfect. I was amazed that he wanted me. I had turned that side off and was a little shocked at the pleasure I was gaining. Then the girls made their presents known my playing with his balls and I felt their fingers on my ass.
The whole evening was great. I felt a little out of place but not because of my friends. They were so open and giving to one another freely while I held walls and remained guarded. I think of this as one of my greatest experiences and hope some day to have a repeat when I'm just as open and giving as freely.
This one night did so much for me, my friends don't truly know the extent. It made me remember that I can't lock a part of myself up. I need to enjoy pleasure and that is what I was meant for. So I began talking to others and seriously began looking for another play partner which lead me to Friday evening.
On Friday, I went to a meet n greet so that I could meet face to face a man I had been chatting. It was a no pressure evening. We meet and spoke for several hours. He understands about negotiations and other general protocols. We both agreed that we should trying playing together in the future which I think will be so much fun. He says he has his clothes pins ready, he really liked that pic on my fetlife page.
I can't wait til next month. I plan to attend the meet n greet. In December, I hope to attend Season's Beatings again. Only this time, I will be attending single so that I don't feel the need to entertain a partner who is uninterested and dishonest. I think this will allow for me to be more relaxed and become more involved in the local lifestyle community.
Then one night while chatting with a new friend, she invited me come play with her husband/Dominant and their sub. I was going to be a surprise. I thought this would be cool and became extremely excited. I had no intentions of participating. My only plan was to watch the 3 at play.
When the question arose about moving to the bedroom so that we could relax without the constraints of clothing, I was the first to say "ok". I enjoyed the touching. Each of us touching one another. It was so relaxing.
Then too my surprise, I was told they were going to show me their "hospitality". Oh how I loved their "hospitality". All the touching focused on me. A female at each breast, one sucking easy and the other nibbling creating just enough pain. And of course, Sir was enjoying the taste of my pussy. The release was so needed as well as all the touching.
I continued to watch and enjoy the whole scene. Then I was taken by surprise again when Sir grabbed my legs, pulling my bottom closer to the edge of the bed and causing me to lay back. He pushed my legs up toward my chest giving him access to what he wanted. The feel of a dick in me for the first time in months was great and the rhythm was perfect. I was amazed that he wanted me. I had turned that side off and was a little shocked at the pleasure I was gaining. Then the girls made their presents known my playing with his balls and I felt their fingers on my ass.
The whole evening was great. I felt a little out of place but not because of my friends. They were so open and giving to one another freely while I held walls and remained guarded. I think of this as one of my greatest experiences and hope some day to have a repeat when I'm just as open and giving as freely.
This one night did so much for me, my friends don't truly know the extent. It made me remember that I can't lock a part of myself up. I need to enjoy pleasure and that is what I was meant for. So I began talking to others and seriously began looking for another play partner which lead me to Friday evening.
On Friday, I went to a meet n greet so that I could meet face to face a man I had been chatting. It was a no pressure evening. We meet and spoke for several hours. He understands about negotiations and other general protocols. We both agreed that we should trying playing together in the future which I think will be so much fun. He says he has his clothes pins ready, he really liked that pic on my fetlife page.
I can't wait til next month. I plan to attend the meet n greet. In December, I hope to attend Season's Beatings again. Only this time, I will be attending single so that I don't feel the need to entertain a partner who is uninterested and dishonest. I think this will allow for me to be more relaxed and become more involved in the local lifestyle community.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Guidelines for sub ownership
I found this in sargeusmc6669's writings. It seemed so fitting that I ask permission to re post.
Please give credit to this 1998 copyrighted piece written by Lord Colm's jade, who died several years ago. You can find the complete original writing titled "What do I need from my Dominant" of which the Submissive Owners Manual is only a section.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am . I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits . I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits . I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me . I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected . I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model . I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviours on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance . I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You . Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership . No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Please give credit to this 1998 copyrighted piece written by Lord Colm's jade, who died several years ago. You can find the complete original writing titled "What do I need from my Dominant" of which the Submissive Owners Manual is only a section.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am . I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits . I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits . I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me . I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected . I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model . I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviours on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance . I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You . Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership . No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Vacation
The only good news of the summer is I am going on vacation. One of the perks of my new job. I'm getting paid to go on an all expense paid vacation...I know, how lucky can one be...lol.
Well, the money is here and available. Just a few more details to work out on my end. Of course, I need to do a little shopping. Then I'm off to Myrtle Beach on Sept 10. 4 days and 3 nights of relaxations, sun and fun.
As for my submissive thing, Kinky Kollege might do it good. Plus I would be able to mark Chicago off my bucket list.
Well, the money is here and available. Just a few more details to work out on my end. Of course, I need to do a little shopping. Then I'm off to Myrtle Beach on Sept 10. 4 days and 3 nights of relaxations, sun and fun.
As for my submissive thing, Kinky Kollege might do it good. Plus I would be able to mark Chicago off my bucket list.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Bucket List
I can cross skinny dipping off my bucket list. I've lived in this house 3 summers with a pool but this is the first that I have finally became brave enough to skinny dip. Its actually becoming a habit.
I find that I enjoy the feel of the water over my nakedness. With the evenings usually warm, the water is just chilled enough to cool me off which helps with relaxation so I can sleep. I also enjoy the quiet and the dark. Lights are illuminating from the house but I leave the outside lights off. Everyone is in bed and its just me taking a minute to enjoy the night. At times there are an abundance of stars and the moon in various stages. Then other times, its just dark because the sky is bare.
How I will miss the pool since I have become brave enough to enjoy the skinny dipping.
I find that I enjoy the feel of the water over my nakedness. With the evenings usually warm, the water is just chilled enough to cool me off which helps with relaxation so I can sleep. I also enjoy the quiet and the dark. Lights are illuminating from the house but I leave the outside lights off. Everyone is in bed and its just me taking a minute to enjoy the night. At times there are an abundance of stars and the moon in various stages. Then other times, its just dark because the sky is bare.
How I will miss the pool since I have become brave enough to enjoy the skinny dipping.
Surprises
Life always has surprises. Because of these surprises, there will be changes in my life. Not with my body as i have been working out but in other areas.
The job that has been frustrating and fulfilling at the same time has opened an opportunity which I'm not turning down. I will have the chance to work in my own county and assist in the growth. Plus saving myself money.
I'm also moving. I have loved the house I've been in and really don't want to move. But circumstances have created another opportunity so one must roll with the punches.
I'm hoping the future changes will allow me to start attending more events than once a year around my birthday. I want to re-acquaint myself with those that were so warm and welcoming when I first entered this lovely lifestyle. I want to explore more play.
I've decided that I'm not going to look for a Dominant at this time. I have one in mind and would love to see what the interaction is like face to face. I believe this is the time to truly find out about me then I will be more open to the right Dominant.
The job that has been frustrating and fulfilling at the same time has opened an opportunity which I'm not turning down. I will have the chance to work in my own county and assist in the growth. Plus saving myself money.
I'm also moving. I have loved the house I've been in and really don't want to move. But circumstances have created another opportunity so one must roll with the punches.
I'm hoping the future changes will allow me to start attending more events than once a year around my birthday. I want to re-acquaint myself with those that were so warm and welcoming when I first entered this lovely lifestyle. I want to explore more play.
I've decided that I'm not going to look for a Dominant at this time. I have one in mind and would love to see what the interaction is like face to face. I believe this is the time to truly find out about me then I will be more open to the right Dominant.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Great Meet
I got to meet one of my diamonds this evening and had a fantastic time. When your developing friendship, you need to build a bond, develop trust which help to form something lasting. I believe I was able to begin to build a bond.
We had dinner and talked. We didn't get centered on one topic but got an idea of who the other was. Then decided on a movie. After the movie, we sat talking and got lost in time. We ended up speaking for hours about ourselves and our experiences. We even touched on what we were looking for.
There were not any expectations, it was just two people sharing space and having a lot of things in common. I believe this is a beginning of a very beautiful friendship. I don't know where it may lead but it will be worth keeping.
We had dinner and talked. We didn't get centered on one topic but got an idea of who the other was. Then decided on a movie. After the movie, we sat talking and got lost in time. We ended up speaking for hours about ourselves and our experiences. We even touched on what we were looking for.
There were not any expectations, it was just two people sharing space and having a lot of things in common. I believe this is a beginning of a very beautiful friendship. I don't know where it may lead but it will be worth keeping.
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