Reading

I heard some great reviews on Fifty Shades of Grey so with the gift card I received from Luna for the Blog Hop, I decided to buy it. I also downloaded Kindle for my PC so I didn't have to wait to get the book in the mail.

Ok...I'm 4 chapters into the book and I wish there were more men like Christian Grey. I want to feel like Ana does. There has been a few men that has intimidated me the way Grey does her and I probably acted the same way. I try to escape, avoid eye contact and just don't know how to verbalize the way I'm feeling. Only with me, the men are only mildly interested and don't pursue.

Well, on to the book. I hope to finish it by tomorrow, all 26 chapters. I want to get to the really interesting BDSM parts. They will probably send me over the edge.

What I think I need...

Working severely cuts into my computer time...lol. But then again, when you are a single, independent woman with no one else to take care of you, I think work is a necessity.

Seriously, I've been thinking a lot in the last few nights and I believe I have come to accept that I will be single for most likely the rest of my life. Some will say that is sad that I think that way but I really don't have a good track record with men. And now, I'm so overly cautious that won't allow any man in.

I guess I have been thinking about this since I blew yet another off. For several months, we had been texting. Several times I told him when I was coming his way only not to have a response or to be informed that he was already busy. I understand, I'm not the only one with a family and work but to continue to say "we can just hang out".

My conclusion is I don't want to just hang out. I don't want to take someone to a swing club so they can only look for other women. I don't want a serious relationship at this time in my life. I don't want the drama men have to offer because of the unsavory women they choose to have around them. I'm amazed that more women don't see the patterns they offer and would rather blame women for all the issues of the relationship instead of the men that are the heart of the problem. I just don't have the time. I, also, don't want to initiate someone wanting to explore their dominant side.

What I do want is a "booty call" buddy. Someone I could go see, have great sex and I leave. Sometimes I think I want more but the men that seem to draw my attention aren't those with quality characters. The only thing they really have to offer is sex. They don't appear to have the capacity to join me at my emotional level. They are usually extremely self absorb. Its all about them, their needs and wants. They are so blinded that they can't see or hear any problems.

I do take credit for part of the problem because I become comfortable. I let my guard down and become to involved with their neediness. Also, I attempt to prove my value and they see something different. Eventually, I do become disturbed with what is going on and tired of sitting on the side lines while they continue to be self absorb.

So instead of going through this dance over and over, I'm only going to accept those that want a sexually intense relationship. That is what has seemed to work for me in the past. If feelings are remotely discussed that will be my cue to exit and find another that is willing to live within the boundaries that I establish.

As for my participation in the lifestyle, I will continue to explore and build relationships with creditable people. Locally, we have a great community with strong leadership that won't tolerate the drama that some insist on creating. I feel safe attending events and even seeking tops to negotiate a scene.

What is a Good Dom (or Good MAN, for That Matter?) Found this on Fetlife

What is a Good Dom (or Good MAN, for That Matter?)

Finding a man is no easy task for submissive ladies. It seems many women do not understand the red flags signaling “Beware.”

- A dominant man will not start off by with, 'Bow down on your knees upon receipt of my message!' There seems to be many complaints from women about this kind of ploy as first introduction, and this is reason alone to 'block n’ move on.' (I would advise ladies to use this tactic often and liberally rather than engage in argument or flame wars…life is too short.). Ignore the Insta-Dom.

- A dominant man will not seem ‘desperate’ for your attention. Getting dates or getting laid is not his problem; he can find women on kink sites, at work, or in the grocery store. He knows women, and women are drawn to him. Many women, kink or vanilla, prefer a man who is take-charge both in the bedroom and in life. If a 'Dom' becomes frantic, anxious, or despairing because you don’t write him back every other hour, chances are he has a hard time with the fairer sex. The good news is desperation is easy to spot.

- A dominant man most often will be successful, a maverick, or at least happy in his chosen profession. If he has had some bad luck in his past, it will be fleeting, for he will strive relentlessly to place his universe back into the order mandatory to his existence. If your suitor languishes in poverty, unemployment for years, or hates his job, most likely his dominance is merely a cover-up to appease his lack of success. Though he may not be the millionaire, look for the man who is happy, confident, unique, and/or successful in his chosen endeavor.

- A dominant man will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get his attention). He will see you as a puzzle, and desire to make sense of that puzzle. The dominant guy loves challenge and that in essence is why so many submissives find disillusion in the vanilla world; most men do not seek challenge in sensuality, they fear it. Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy. Their fantasies often require a man to move far outside normal gestures requiring both skill and creativity. How you think about a myriad of criterion will be of great interest to him.

- A dominant man is likely to be damn good in the sack. Most men have their hands full with straight-up vanilla sex. The dominant man has either mastered or has no interest in such elementary play, at least not all the time. Making a woman orgasm many times has left him bereft of sport, so he now seeks a woman who will challenge him on other levels. The dominant guy is going to have a good understanding of the female anatomy, and will persist in finding the keys to your body and mind. He will have done his homework and already experimented in real-time on many lovers. He will be a bit of the Don Juan, if not Don himself; not a womanizer per se, but certainly sexually advanced.

- A dominant man may have all the accoutrement of kink (the whips, chains, and whatnot), but he will not need them to be dominant. A whisper, a word, a look, a swagger, and a touch are the essence of his talent. Confidence is his weapon of choice, not bragging about his dungeon. Those who tout their toys too highly might well be lacking in other departments.

- A dominant man will be very cautious in selecting you because he knows you have great desires, hopes, and dreams, and it is he that has to live up to them. Above all things he will wish to be good for you. He attempts to choose wisely but may at first make many mistakes in his choices as he finds his way.

- A dominant man will make mistakes and have no fear admitting them. The dominant guy knows he is not All Knowing, for he is human. A guy who believes he never makes mistakes or does not admit to them with good cheer is most likely not dominant.

- A dominant man will never send you a cock shot at first greeting and it is highly unlikely that he’ll have one on his profile.

- A dominant man will not beg you for naked photographs. In fact, he won’t beg for anything. He will simply wait till you’re dying to send him your naughty pictures unsolicited and accept them with lordly composure (or a rock hard-on, depending on the photo).

- A dominant man will never lie about being married or already having a girlfriend. If he’s married to vanilla, he’ll simply say so. If he’s dating vanilla, he’ll break up with her before venturing in with another (less he’s doing a poly thing and brings her along, or in an open relationship). The dominant guy is straightforward, will wish to be plain about his true desires and needs, and if he is attached, will be forthcoming with that information. If he’s cheating on his vanilla wife, he will say so. He made his choice and is going for it.

- A dominant man won’t lie about much, though he surely will keep some of his thoughts from you. A Dom who feels swallowing golden showers to be right up your alley may well know telling you straight out might have you running for cover. This is not in itself lying, he’s just taking the appropriate steps first and at the speed he thinks you can absorb them (he may well discard such thoughts as he gets to know you; he will discard his thoughts often). The lying 'dom' will have an agenda that has no bearing on your needs. The real dominant guy wants no part of someone for whom he cannot be good. A man who attempts to get with a woman he cannot handle or vice versa is desperate.

- A dominant man will not be heavy handed in his approach. He will be skilled at drawing you in, opening you up, making you feel at ease or on edge (depending on his tastes). His efforts will seem effortless; even aloof at times. He will grow on you. Capture you. Enlighten you and make things seem clear that may have been once blurry. You will feel better about yourself when communicating with him (even if your desire is to live in debasement!). Only an impostor will try to tear you down in order to raise himself to higher ground. The dominate gets off by watching you soar, not fall.

In essence, taking on a submissive is both invigorating and empowering yet also a humbling experience. He may err constantly, particularly if he is new. Yet he will always, always strive to be better, and though he longs and seeks challenge, he will avoid that which he knows he cannot handle, or will in some near future be unable to handle. It may take time but he will understand his own limits as well as his woman’s.

A submissive is a truckload of challenge (ask their ex-vanilla lovers), and so the dominant man needs you like he needs air. He wants your worship not simply for worship sake but because he has gone beyond the call of the norm, ventured into the realm of risk, and passing across the dangerous abyss where footing is treacherous, hopefully breaks into the sunshine of success offering you something glorious. THAT alone is why he seeks your worship; because he has earned it and deserves it.

If a man does not seek risk and challenge in his life, if he wishes worship without venturing his ego, if he does not persist continually toward excellence in handling a woman as he does in many things, he is not a dominant man.

Happy hunting!

~Author Unknown

Submissive Challenge #6

Submissives you look up too

We all have people in our lives that we admire, emulate or respect. Tell us about a couple submissives that you currently look up to and why.

I have several women that I look up too within this lifestyle. They are at various levels and all show openness and confidence in their roles. Two identify as slaves and I believe the rest are submissives. Several I have meet face to face and the others are online at this time.

The ones that I have met face to face are D and S1. They both do demos and share their knowledge with the community. D is co-presenter with her Master. They have written a book M/s relationships and do educational events on sacred sexuality. I’ve heard D speak about how she began and I related to what she was saying. I have some similar feelings of shyness and overshadowing vanilla philosophies. Others have attested that she has come so far since their initial meeting of D. So I have hope that if I connect with the right individual, I will also blossom.

S1 was the 3^rd person in my first scene. I had become overwhelmed and she assisted with making me feel safe. She has been kind, supportive and I love her energy. I believe we are friends and I hope to spend more time with her in the future.

S2 is online at this time but I have hopes of meeting her in person. I was asked to friend her by a mutual friend. I don’t believe our mutual friend was a dom, just a man who claimed the title. We would chat often and she had a thirst to learn. As she learned and grew, I believe she realized that she had grown above where he was. She had the strength to move to the next level. She continues to learn and grow but her openness and growing confidence is what I admire most.

The others write blogs I follow. They write on a variety of topics ranging from day to day life and frustrations to scenes that they have witnessed or participated. A combination all of have helped me gain information to help me determine my path. They are community leaders to just regular individuals but their actions allow me to give them the respect and the desire to be like them.

Oh...there was one that I forgot to mention. I look up to Luna. Her courage to write her blog and begin submissiveguide.com so that new and old may share information has greatly assisted in my growth.

Disappointed

In life, we all face disappointments and I'm no different. I was so excited for this day to arrive only to be disappointed. The Top that I had arranged my rope scene with is unable to make the party tonight. In his email, he did ask for a raincheck which I gladly agreed too.

I had been thinking about not going for several reasons. The first one is work is kicking my ass. After 5 months of being off work, I'm having trouble sleeping at night and I'm just so worn out by Friday. I know it will get better and its going to take time to change my sleep schedule. Also I need to get use to being active during the day again. Plus with just getting back to work, I had bills and really couldn't afford at this time. However, events scheduled next month and through the summer should prove to be just as great as the one I'm missing.

Sometimes it sucks to be a responsible adult.

This got me thinking this morning. I feel a lot of pity for some women that I have encountered in the recent years. They appear to be jealous and insecure. They are unable to let go of toxic relationships or see the toxic person as the problem. They would rather believe the lies that are offered by the toxic person than see the patterns that exist. The impact of the toxic person has severely affect their lives but they are unable to move past and remain stagnant.

Oh well, not my problem. I have made the decision to move forward and not let them affect me any longer. By doing this, I have released a lot of stress and I'm able to focus on what is important.

Safety Concerns

This was posted in a Fetlife group and I was ask to leave because of a veiled threat and drama...can you believe? I also find it funny that in another thread on Fetlife, a person states sex offenders are leaders of their kink community. I'm simply amazed that some are ignoring safety issues. Has our community ignored safety just to achieve pleasure?

In this day, everyone needs to be aware and warned about issues surrounding stalking/bullying. We hear about cyber stalking and bullying with our children and in schools but seem not to recognize it in our adult lives. The funny thing is we see shows on tv that explain the details of individuals being stalked in their adult life while officials and others around them felt they were just paranoid or making too much of nothing. Well, it happens to adults just as it does our children.

Relationships don't work. An individual becomes jealous and is unable to let go. These individuals will then pursue for reasons unknown to anyone. They will attempt to destroy other relationships that the person is moving toward. They attempt to embarrass and ruin a reputation by posting their delusional version of the truth and playing the victim when they are the instigator.

I'm writing this because I want women to be aware and safe. Remember this is the internet and the person your chatting with can literally be anyone. Unfortunately, you need to be aware of women just as you are of men. Again, some tv shows have documented that women can and will be just as devious and deadly as men.

One thing that was suggested to me was to have a separate email account for your freak side, totally separate from your primary. Be cautious about handing out personal information like address.

If a meeting is suggested, make sure its in a public place. Feel free to ask for references before meeting. You can negotiate to have another trusted friend present during the scene or arrange for a safe call. Otherwise, make sure that someone knows where you're going and who your meeting. I even read once that the person took a picture of the license plate and sent to a family member and friend.

We have a lot of new people to the lifestyle who are exploring and I think we need to stress safety. Some could harm you physically and others could be an annoyance.

Have fun but be safe.

Chapters

In life, I consider the different situations and relationships to be chapters. You close one and open a new. Some are writing multiple books at a time such as work or family and of course relationship. Well, I'm closing one.

I have determined that some have nothing significant to offer my life. They have only caused hurt and stress so it's time to close this chapter so to begin another.

So tonight, I'm going to a local micro brewery for St. Patrick's Day festivities. The have a Celtic band playing and I'm going to enjoy friends that influence my life on a positive note.

Then next week I will be writing another chapter in my kink life. I'm so excited about the party. I just don't know what to where. I'm going to play and relax in a hot tub.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekends.