Weekend

I received a call that I never really expected. I hurried to take a shower and gather a few things for a night of play. MMMMM....Sir was right, I needed to get fucked. I will happily report to him shortly that I had been well fucked. I also have a couple of pics to send him which should make him happy.

When I was gathering things, I was sure to include the clothes pins. I wanted to see how they felt while I was getting fucked...oh so good. I believe I will develop a liking for a little more pain than I ever realized. By the time I was wore out, my nipples were sore and my legs were shakey. I laid in the bed and felt them quivering. That is always a good indictation.

My ride home was hot but I could still feel the soreness of my nipple. I could still smell him. I was tired so I just tried to relax that day and went to bed early, at least for me. However, when I woke the next morning, I was sore all over. I could barely get out of bed. My back was stiff and both nipples had soreness. I also had a head from hell, probably due to no sleep. I readily admitted I was old or at least felt that way.

After some needed rest, Tylenol, pain pills and a muscle relaxer; I was able to continue with my plans of cleaning the pool and laying out. The sun helped to provide me with strength. It renewed my energy and relieved me of my depression for at least a day. I was in peace. I hope it lasts for a while.

Stalkers

Well, this site has been found by my stakers. As usual, my words are taking out of context. However, they will not stop me from expressing my feelings. What I write here is not about anyone else. Its about me, my thoughts and feelings.

I know how it was found. After reading some supportive comments, I decided to post my site on Fetlife. I wanted to stop hiding my feelings so I opened it up. I can't change those who are stalking me and I won't sensor my blogs either.

Keep reading. I had a great weekend and will be writing about it later today or tonight.

Clothes pins and rubber bands

I have attempted the task at hand. However, I think I will need to attempt again due to not achieving the dired results for Sir. Sir wants them to change colors and to see them bruising.

I tried the rubber bands once before. My one breast started changing colors a little but not like I think Sir wanted them too. He then ask me to add the clothes pins. The trouble that I'm having is the rubber bands want to roll off. The clothes pins helped to keep the band in place but didn't cause any bruising.

The problem may also be once I begin to feel a little discomfort. I stop the task. The clothes pins didn't hurt in the beginning as I thought they would. But the combination after about 5 minutes, began uncomfortable. It was a minor annoyance, not painful. I have a high pain tolerance.

I will attempt this task again. Only I will try to get the rubber bands tighter and add more clothes pins.

I did try putting a clothes pin on one of my nipples while masturbating and was simply amazed at the organism. I think I had my first taste of pain and pleasure. Next time I will attempt a clothes pin on both nipples.

This task doesn't seem as scary now that I have attempted it once.

Another Task

Well, I've been given another task and I'm really not wanting to do it. My last one was putting rubber bands around my breast and having them change colors. He actually wanted them blue but due to time, they didn't go all the way blue. Ok, now Sir wants me to put the rubber bands around my breast and put clothes pins on them. Sir wants to see them bruised. All this sounds very painful and I'm not really into inducing self pain.

Just an update, I'm feeling more like myself. I'm still a little depressed but I'm not having those overwhelming doubts that I was having last week. I'm able to think and rationalize. I feel I can see more clearly now. To much hit me at once.

I think I'm going to speak with Sir about helping me exercising and eating better. I want to loose weight but I'm not motivated at this time. Maybe if I can get into a schedule and have some accountability, I will be able to achieve my goals. I'm going to email him before I punk out.

Subdrop without play

Oh, I have crashed. The stress of Saturday, possible health issue, ending a relationship, starting my period and being Bipolar with mild depression which feels like it is escalating probably is really close to what subdrop is like. I wish I would have had some play, it might have actually been a release to some of the overwhelming feelings. Then there would have been aftercare. With what I'm going through, there is no aftercare.

What I would like is to have someone other than my close friends to be there to hold my hand when I'm in crisis. However, I have not found that yet. I was hoping for some support from my ex-play partner since he is closer than Sir but that didn't hold true which is the ending of the relationship. If I can be there for him and he not for me, what good is he to me. Too bad he didn't understand. Too bad he was unable to think of anyone else but himself. I see ending it as good because I can use the energy spent on him to attempt to refocus on me and my family.

I also considered isolating from Sir but chose not too. He isn't close to provide the hand holding but he has helped me in the short time that we have been connected to one another. I just have a hard time not being impulsive when things around me seem so out of control.

No longer have the accomplished feeling

Well, work has taken over my life in the last few weeks. I changed my schedule so that I would have weekends off. I wanted to attend some BDSM events. Well that hasn't happened yet due to being sick or family priorities.

Actually, I planned to clean this weekend and do some reading both here and on Fetlife. But again, family priorities arose. Only a few in the kink world know about my grandson. He is 2 1/2 years old and is 1st on the transplant for multiple organs. On 8/17, he will be on the list for 2 years. This past Saturday, we received the call that possible organs might be available and we needed to be on stand-by. Stand-by ended up being 9 torturous hours to only find out that the organs went to another baby.

I need to be available for my child has prevented me from meeting Sir. I was upfront about by priorities to my family and Sir has been extremely understanding. We haven't planned to meet because I'm unable to leave and I can't guarntee to be available if he would visit. So the wait continues on several levels.

Accomplished

I'm working on several task but Sir did need to remind me. I just haven't been myself but I think I have attempted to move forward last week. I think my new work schedule is kicking my ass. Once I get into a flow, things will be better.

I am excited. I hope in October to take care of something on my bucket list while learning more about BDSM and my limits. Sir has given me permission to attend Kinky Kollege 2011 in Chicago. I have always wanted to visit Chicago and now will have the chance. I can't wait.