Oh, I have crashed. The stress of Saturday, possible health issue, ending a relationship, starting my period and being Bipolar with mild depression which feels like it is escalating probably is really close to what subdrop is like. I wish I would have had some play, it might have actually been a release to some of the overwhelming feelings. Then there would have been aftercare. With what I'm going through, there is no aftercare.
What I would like is to have someone other than my close friends to be there to hold my hand when I'm in crisis. However, I have not found that yet. I was hoping for some support from my ex-play partner since he is closer than Sir but that didn't hold true which is the ending of the relationship. If I can be there for him and he not for me, what good is he to me. Too bad he didn't understand. Too bad he was unable to think of anyone else but himself. I see ending it as good because I can use the energy spent on him to attempt to refocus on me and my family.
I also considered isolating from Sir but chose not too. He isn't close to provide the hand holding but he has helped me in the short time that we have been connected to one another. I just have a hard time not being impulsive when things around me seem so out of control.
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