Submissive Challenge #4

Submissive Challenge #4

Questioning Your Submission

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Accepting my submission has always been a struggle which continues today. I’ve had desires to give myself totally to another, to entrust someone with my safety, to trust that they will protect me from harm. I’ve had a desire to serve and care for a partner. To know them and anticipate their desires, needs and wants. Then to do what it takes to satisfy that person in all areas.

When I do find someone and begin to trust, I fall into a comfort area when my partner begins to anticipate what I will do to satisfy those needs especially the basic ones. However, my partner has never thought to give anything in return. My desires, needs and wants are left to be ignored. The lack of communication has created conflicts that severely erode the trust that was given so freely.

I have had the opportunity to observe other individuals and their level of trust and submission. I wonder if I will ever achieve the same level. I want to but I have doubts that I will find the individual that will encourage me to my fullest potential. Because I have realized that those involved must complement each other so that each can achieve and fulfill their designated roles. Each must want to know the other so deeply that actions can almost be predicted. The Dominate needs to be so in tuned to know the submissive to know when something is amiss, both physically and emotionally.

I have observed and chatted online with some individuals that I don’t believe truly understand what a submissive is. They state they are submissive but don’t have a good grasp on what submission actually is or entails. It’s more than just saying “Yes Sir” and to kneel before another. Or to be able to take a level of pain that others may fear. They make statements like “before sending a request for friendship, you must contact Sir”. However, they are the ones that do the contacting to satisfy their own needs and desires which are basically on the physical side. They don’t understand that D/s is not a vanilla girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Their lack of knowledge and understanding is what is frustrating.

It’s also frustrating when someone identifies that they are submissive and they play the role in public but act the exact opposite in private. They are assigned a task to be completed but fail because they refuse to do what is requested. They report completing the task but it is completed to their own wishes not that of the person that assigned the task or in private they “top from the bottom” giving ultimatums so that they will be in control. In my opinion, their jealousy and insecurity drives their relationship and prevents them from reaching their full potential.

I think I have always been resistant to my own submissive feelings. At first, I saw being submissive as a weakness, a door matt. Part of this was because I saw how my desire to please was always abused. The people I was involved with seemed to always have an agenda that wasn’t known to me. Trust is given but damaged because of the actions of the person that is given such a gift of power over me. My past has shaped who I am which can't be changed overnight. It can be changed through understanding.