Drama

Everytime I think things are done and over with B, he does something to provoke a reaction. Its usually not the reaction that he wants but, of course, I react. Well yesterday was no different. I must say there were a couple of times that I didn't react like when he tried to get into my email accounts. Of course, he was unsuccessful.

I thought everything was done the first weekend of the month. That everything had been said and we were not going to communicate again. I was good with this because as I had stated from the beginning of our relationship the only thing he had to offer me was dick. This is the only reason that I agreed to meet him each time that he has contacted me. I knew in January when he contacted me and spent a day together that our relationship wasn't going anywhere. He broke the trust and respect that I had for him. He had proven that he wasn't this man that was honest and had integrity. He was just like all the rest and even displayed the same patterns of behavior. And because of this I couldn't trust or respect him. I felt the need to be near him but knew there was no relationship in the future.

The door to the lifestyle had opened and I so wanted to immerse myself in it. I ask him several times to explore play with me but realized I was glad he never followed through. I felt he would involve others that wanted to harm me or he himself would because he wouldn't pay attention to my limits. This was one of the reasons I continued to attend munches and develop relationships with other Dominants.

Yesterdays threats were the lowest ever. I received a voice mail from a female who blocked her phone number and didn't leave her name. She stated I was a "cunt" and she had printed my information from Fetlife. She stated she intented to send to an ex (prior to B) and to my employer. She even stated 2 of the locations at which I have worked that she intended to send too. B was the only one to have all the information. Plus B has mentioned the prior ex several times. He even text stating he hopes he (prior ex) beats my brains out.

The difference between me and them. I address the problem with the person I have it with. They hid by blocking their number and not identifying themselves. When someone does this, it gives the appearance of not being honesty. It also shows their childish, high school behaviors. We are all over 30, can't we act like adults.

Through a texting, he continues to be dishonest and call me names. I had attempted to call him but he refused to answer. Then he called me. I didn't allow him to speak. I said what I needed and hung up. His response was to send 2 additional text. Karma is a bitch and will catch up to him.

I can close the door on this relationship knowing that I had submitted to him and did my best to care for him. Our relationship was a LDR since he was a truck driver. So when he came to the area I would get a motel room so that he could have a night of comfort instead of being cramped in a cab of his truck. I would go to different places for food so that he could have something different than what he was use too. I even bought him gifts so he would have some comforts while on the road. I really don't know what I could have did different but I did what I thought I was suppose too since I wasn't getting any guidance.

I'm hoping that I can now put all this aside and concentrate on my submissiveness. I spoke with a friend and expressed my concerns with attending a play party alone because of everything that is going on. He suggested a big event for me to attend in Febuary. I told him of an event I planned to attend in November. He stated he was going in November and re-assumed me that if trouble was started by anyone. The event personal would address the issue. He also stated he would let me know if there were individuals that were trustworthy to play with. He also told me I could call and vent to him anytime.

I am so glad that I found Fetlife. I have found some really good people and a wealth of information. Don't get me wrong there are those that aren't nice but the supportive ones out weigh the unkind.

I plan on to continue reading books, threads and blogs to help with provid insight into my submissiveness and improve my ability to submit to my future Dominant. I also plan to attend events now that I know I won't need to go alone. I may attend single but I won't be alone. I'll have trustworthy individuals that I may actually be comfortable enough to participate in the play. The future looks a little brighter.

Here's a quote that I hope all can appreciate..."I'm sarcastic and a smartass....It's a natural defense against stupidity, drama, and bullshit."