New Quote

"The lifting up of a woman does not require the tearing down of a man. In fact, a strong woman appreciates a strong man. Conversely, a strong man is not intimidated by a strong woman." ~ T.D. Jakes

It was a Meet n Greet weekend

I attended 2 meet n greets this weekend. The first was great because a couple of friends wanted to go and shoot pool. So we went and just hung out. We were able to hang out and I was able to reconnect with old friends while making a few new ones.

Actually, I not only reconnected, I strengthened some new bonds that were in the beginning stages. Because of the meet n greet, I was able to chat with one and this person encouraged me to attend their play party. I have heard from others about this person's famous parties but have always been nervous about attending. Now a new excitement is building as I enter a new phase.

Then there was my local meet n greet. It was small with only 1 new person in attendance but it was nice to have the chance to chat and get to know this person. I was able to learn the secret of making a woman squirt. I can't wait til I get the chance to try...lol.

This Week

This past week was a rough week for me emotionally. I was on a major roller coaster ride. I can't really explain why. I can give my impressions as to why I was feeling the way I was. Some will say it was just excuses but all I know is I couldn't control how I was feeling, nor could I change it.

I'm really glad Sir wanted to see me last night. He came to my area and I was able to spend a little time with him. I wasn't very subbie. He ask me about playing pool which caused my competitive side to emerge. He told me that he had planned on spanking my ass on the table all night which didn't happen. He wanted me to believe he wasn't very good which was is what all men tend to say. But they also don't believe that girls can be good either. That isn't the case with me. I may start out slow but once I warm up, look out.

I just don't know where this involvement is going. I'm often at a loss as too what I should be or not be doing. He says I haven't upset him and he plans to keep me guessing which will only create frustration.

I've got a Valentine's Day gift in the works. I will drop it off to him after my photo shoot on Feb 13th. I do hope he likes it. 

Getting Excited

On February 2 @ 1 pm, I'm going to be a demo dolly for a wax demo at Sexaplooza. I've never done anything this public so I'm a little nervous but yet extremely excited. I'm presently shopping for pasties and a thong.

There will be a photographer so I hope to post some pics. Keep your fingers crossed!

I'm not...

Yesterday, I posted something about being a difficult woman. I can honestly say I'm one of those difficult women. I'm upfront and honest when I start talking to someone new. I tell them how I'm going to react to certain situations. I'm always told by the individual that it won't be a problem, they will be able to handle it. The funny part, my moods are never handled well.

At this time, I'm maintaining control better than I have in the past. I've been a little upset because I'm feeling neglected and ignored. I don't think this is the way to nurture a potential relationship.

I re-read some recent messages from Sir which all seem positive and encouraging but my anger has taken over at this point. I've always been a wallflower and ignored. Sir hasn't ask what my needs are but I believe I have made mention within other blogs and conversations.

I ask what his needs was and he stated his desires are "simply". He doesn't realize my are much more simpler than his. At some point when I'm with him, I need to feel important and have his attention.

He one time discussed poly with me. To me, in a poly household all the women are hold at the same level. This prevents any jealousy. Each has equal time, equal play and are encouraged to get along with one another so that the household runs smoothy. Even if the individuals don't live together, the same circumstances exist so that Sir remains happy and satisfied.

I feel I'm only around to provide information. I have no other value which is so wrong. Communication has been lax and no time has really been taken to get to know me, so much has been missed. I have no doubts that I'm capable of doing whatever he needs and that includes pain.

Fear has stopped me from experimenting with pain. I have a high pain tolerance. I delivered babies with no meds. I had surgery and didn't take pain meds after the day of surgery. I always stopped pain medication after the 1st 24 hours. What I do take is over the counter, not prescription.

D/s is a two way street. If I'm submitting and meeting the needs of a Dominant than I expect my needs to be meet. Besides the ones mentioned above, I expected to be cared for and sexually satisfied.

I'm a very sexual person and that side of me has been ignored for years. Dominants seem to use it as a way to punishment. I could be doing everything right, meeting their needs but my sexual needs which is most important to me is ignored. I remain loyal to one til the relationship is done which hasn't seemed to impress anyone. Everyone prefers women that open themselves to everyone. I just don't understand, probably never will. (past experiences)

Tonight was a rambling night...I just had to get it out.

Submissive Challenge #15

New Year's Resolutions 

Do you make New Year's Resolutions?

If so, what goals did you set for yourself this year? How are you doing with keeping them?

If not, why not? Do have any current goals that you are trying to achieve? How is that going?

The above questions are Submissive Guide's Blog Hop Challenge #15. I haven't answered one in awhile and since this is a new year and the question is asking about resolutions, I thought it would be a good chance to start the year off positive. So here I go.

Some of my goals are simple, at least the first is. I tell people that I missed part of my female education as I was growing up and one part has to do with fashion. My wardrobe is extremely limited due to my inability to determine what is fashionable and what looks good on me. I try things and I don't think anything looks good.

To help with this goal, I plan to have my daughter and friends go shopping with me. I also plan to buy something for myself each month to add to my closet. I don't have a large budget but if I watch for sales, I believe I can get things that mix and match which will create a number of outfits. And I can't forget accessories...lol.

My second goal is to return to following my blogs. Last year, a new job and family life caused me to be extremely busy for several months. I didn't write a blog for several months but have been able to resume that. Now I need to start reading again. The information I gained was great and I was able to learn a lot so I think I need to take Sundays to do some light reading.

 A third goal is to try more things on my "curious about" list but also do more of the things that I have found that I like. I plan to attend more events to play with fire and electric. I also plan to make arrangements for rope sessions because I think the confinement of rope will be therapeutic. I also have more photo shoots planned. As for the "curious about", I would like to be flogged, figged, role playing and a little pain. I think most of my "curious about" will need to wait til I have a Dominant.

My fourth goal is to become more involved with my lifestyle community. I've been attending local meet n greets. But I'm also planning to attend more events periods, especially those with demos and other educational opportunities. I'm actually going to take a more active role within the community. I have volunteer to be a demo dolly at a major event, Sexaplooza. We will be doing a wax demo. I have played with wax once several years ago. I will be stepping out of my comfort zone by wearing pasties and a thong at a very public event.

Getting back to my original goal,  I want to attend at least one event a quarter. I don't include my local meet n greets in the events because I plan to attend everything local.

My last goal is about finding a Dominant or play partner. I feel I need to start taking care of my cravings. I need to stop ignoring the feelings I'm having, the need to be tied/restrained. The need to explore my limits with pain. The need to be sexual fulfilled and satisfied. I have come to realize that I'm a bedroom submissive so to speak. I have the potential to be more for the right person.

Suffering a Little Subdrop

On Friday, I technically did 2 scenes. I tried fire for the first time and played with electric as I do each time I attend an event. Minimal pain is involved but ones endorphins still get a little ramped up.

What I don't understand is why some don't consider these "real" scenes and worthy of aftercare? I believe I was still deserving of aftercare, even if it was 5 minutes of cuddling on one of the couches just to make sure my well being was ok.

Yesterday and today, I have been up and down. I have actually been in bitch mode. I've wanted to send bitchy emails but have restrained myself.

I'm not feeling comfortable about things and I want to be confrontational. I believe part is subdrop but I also believe part is sexual frustration. The two put together, especially with me, can be lethal for relationships.