I'm so tired of others starting drama in my life because they haven't enough in their own. Or should I say thier life is too pathetic that they must create drama in anothers.
Once again the threat had been made to contact my employer. For some reason, some who share this lifestyle blur the lines between personal and professional. As a professional, I'm permitted to have a personal life as long as it doesn't cross the line to illegal. I do believe that I'm an adult and permitted to explore my sexuality in any manner I see fit.
I'm at a lose as to possible resolutions for this problem. I'm impulsive and having a hard time not reacting negatively.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Day 3: Discovery
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
My discover was really unexpected and happened when I was a teenager. My knowledge of my discover was years ago. Reading this you will probably think I'm crazy which I can be but not on this point. I was naive and scared to explore. When I finally began my exploration, years later, the light bulb lite up...lol.
When I was a teenager, I loved to wrestle with the boys. I didn't understand what my body was telling me. I wasn't sexually experienced and really didn't have anyone to speak to about the subject. I was shy and afraid to venture out and find the needed answers. So I pushed those feelings down, buried them.
As my second marriage had failed, I became involved with a Dominant blk man. I didn't see his domination because I was independent, strong-willed and stubborn. Plus it wasn't a forceful domination. We would meet and he always insisted on my wearing a blindfold through out the time we were together. If I would need anything, he would get it or assist me. This included taking me to the restroom. I never really understood why he insisted on the blindfold until years later.
I met a partner who I felt comfortable with. We shared what we were interested in and I entered the swinger lifestyle. All around me was information about BDSM. I took an intest but never disclosed to anyone. I had secret desires to be dominated, to give control to someone else. The big mountain to climb was trusting someone enough. The into my life comes a man who states he was a Dominate.
Acually, he didn't state it. He convinced me to hook up with him and in a phone conversation after he left, we got on the topic of toy bags. He disclosed he had one and I knew. I ask and he confirmed. I thought this would be a great time to explore this lifestyle. The doors opened.
I really didn't get a lot of good information on the first try. I became frustrated because this "supposed" Dom would only tell me to research. He wanted me to enter this lifestyle on my own and with knowledge of what I was getting into.
Several months later, I again began researching. I realized I was using the wrong words to search. The flood gate opened and a weath of information flooded me. This time the right information. I found Fetlife and several other sites that helped provide what I needed to accept what I am...a submissive.
Since receiving this information, I have read books, followed blogs, met people, ask questions and observed D/s relationships in real life. I continue to do all those things. I have also met a Dominate that will assist me with the next level. This is a very exciting time.
My discover was really unexpected and happened when I was a teenager. My knowledge of my discover was years ago. Reading this you will probably think I'm crazy which I can be but not on this point. I was naive and scared to explore. When I finally began my exploration, years later, the light bulb lite up...lol.
When I was a teenager, I loved to wrestle with the boys. I didn't understand what my body was telling me. I wasn't sexually experienced and really didn't have anyone to speak to about the subject. I was shy and afraid to venture out and find the needed answers. So I pushed those feelings down, buried them.
As my second marriage had failed, I became involved with a Dominant blk man. I didn't see his domination because I was independent, strong-willed and stubborn. Plus it wasn't a forceful domination. We would meet and he always insisted on my wearing a blindfold through out the time we were together. If I would need anything, he would get it or assist me. This included taking me to the restroom. I never really understood why he insisted on the blindfold until years later.
I met a partner who I felt comfortable with. We shared what we were interested in and I entered the swinger lifestyle. All around me was information about BDSM. I took an intest but never disclosed to anyone. I had secret desires to be dominated, to give control to someone else. The big mountain to climb was trusting someone enough. The into my life comes a man who states he was a Dominate.
Acually, he didn't state it. He convinced me to hook up with him and in a phone conversation after he left, we got on the topic of toy bags. He disclosed he had one and I knew. I ask and he confirmed. I thought this would be a great time to explore this lifestyle. The doors opened.
I really didn't get a lot of good information on the first try. I became frustrated because this "supposed" Dom would only tell me to research. He wanted me to enter this lifestyle on my own and with knowledge of what I was getting into.
Several months later, I again began researching. I realized I was using the wrong words to search. The flood gate opened and a weath of information flooded me. This time the right information. I found Fetlife and several other sites that helped provide what I needed to accept what I am...a submissive.
Since receiving this information, I have read books, followed blogs, met people, ask questions and observed D/s relationships in real life. I continue to do all those things. I have also met a Dominate that will assist me with the next level. This is a very exciting time.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Day 2: Kinks
Day 2: List your kinks.
I'm finding more and more kinks each day. Sir helps by assigning me tasks to complete which allows me to try things that I haven't and possibly fear to try.
I'm partial to the sensual side of the kink lifestyle. I like bondage (rope, rigging), candle wax, hair pulling, blindfolds, knives, violet wand, wartenburg pinwheels, biting and rough sex. I'm not impressed with paddles or canes.
Earlier this year, I was able to attend a Bottoms Buffet. The was for new and old, to experience or learn new skills. I was able to try several things. I'm looking forward to attending next years which is already in the planning stages.
I'm finding more and more kinks each day. Sir helps by assigning me tasks to complete which allows me to try things that I haven't and possibly fear to try.
I'm partial to the sensual side of the kink lifestyle. I like bondage (rope, rigging), candle wax, hair pulling, blindfolds, knives, violet wand, wartenburg pinwheels, biting and rough sex. I'm not impressed with paddles or canes.
Earlier this year, I was able to attend a Bottoms Buffet. The was for new and old, to experience or learn new skills. I was able to try several things. I'm looking forward to attending next years which is already in the planning stages.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Update on Stalker
It's just amazing to me how fascinating my life is to someone else.
Blogging began as a communication tool but now has turned into a way for me to process information and experiences. However, to my stalker, it provides her with something...don't know exactly what. I guess she believes it to be some type of fuel for the fire she wants to create. I can only think, she must be finding it kinda of boring because she adds her own twist and delusions when telling about what is happening in my life.
When I posted about my stalker on Fetlife, she responded. To me, she just showed what an ass she is just as I said she would. She is a terrible writer. She doesn't correct spelling, capitalize at the beginning of sentences or edit her work in any way. She throws in her delusional version of the "truth" expecting everyone to believe. Update for her..."YOU LIE". Those that are important know the truth and "YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT".
I think if she would focus on her own life and "supposed" submissiveness, she may improve herself. But she would rather talk about everyone and lurk around pretending to be innocent.
She has become very creative in the last week. She has created an email account from some site using my ID (sensualfreak). She emailed herself from the "fake" email information that she obtained from a person that made a late night visit, claiming it to be from me. However, I was involved in play or sound a sleep from the play...either way, it wasn't me...BUSTED.
Since that didn't work, she is now stating something that isn't true. She even attempted to state I told her. But the last time I attempted to contact her months ago to confront, she ran to my play partner crying but failing to respond to me. She is attempting to state I'm talking about an involvement when I'm not. I think she is doing one of 2 things. She is attempting to verify the involvement or she is attempting to intimidate me so I don't attend an event that she wants too. NEWS FLASH: I'M GOING.
I wonder what she will come up with next. She appears to be desperate.
I will continue to maintain my focus on me, my family, Sir and any other involvement I choose.
Blogging began as a communication tool but now has turned into a way for me to process information and experiences. However, to my stalker, it provides her with something...don't know exactly what. I guess she believes it to be some type of fuel for the fire she wants to create. I can only think, she must be finding it kinda of boring because she adds her own twist and delusions when telling about what is happening in my life.
When I posted about my stalker on Fetlife, she responded. To me, she just showed what an ass she is just as I said she would. She is a terrible writer. She doesn't correct spelling, capitalize at the beginning of sentences or edit her work in any way. She throws in her delusional version of the "truth" expecting everyone to believe. Update for her..."YOU LIE". Those that are important know the truth and "YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT".
I think if she would focus on her own life and "supposed" submissiveness, she may improve herself. But she would rather talk about everyone and lurk around pretending to be innocent.
She has become very creative in the last week. She has created an email account from some site using my ID (sensualfreak). She emailed herself from the "fake" email information that she obtained from a person that made a late night visit, claiming it to be from me. However, I was involved in play or sound a sleep from the play...either way, it wasn't me...BUSTED.
Since that didn't work, she is now stating something that isn't true. She even attempted to state I told her. But the last time I attempted to contact her months ago to confront, she ran to my play partner crying but failing to respond to me. She is attempting to state I'm talking about an involvement when I'm not. I think she is doing one of 2 things. She is attempting to verify the involvement or she is attempting to intimidate me so I don't attend an event that she wants too. NEWS FLASH: I'M GOING.
I wonder what she will come up with next. She appears to be desperate.
I will continue to maintain my focus on me, my family, Sir and any other involvement I choose.
Day 1: Who am I?
I saw another blogger doing 30 days of kink ( Bottoms up - http://dulcib.blogspot.com). It looked interesting so I have decided also to try. I thought it would be an excellent tool for examining my status in the lifestyle. This is just another way for me to learn more about me and my submission.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I have thought long and hard about how to identify within this lifestyle. I have determined that I am a sub. I thought it would be hard to explain but it really isn't. I want to take care of someone, to serve. I'm good at providing options and seeing things that someone else may not see. Sometimes an individual isn't able to look outside of the situation, that is where discussing possible options is important.
Since the Dominate is in control, the decision maker, its necessary to provide all avaible options. This is important so that the Dominate is able to make the best possible educated decision for all concerned.
I see my role as protector. I'm to safe guard the Dominate's interest and reputation. If he is going to make a choice that will adversely affect him, its my duty to provide different options that will be of benefit.
There are so many things that has drawn my interest into BDSM. I like the idea of a D/s relationship which provides for respect, communication and power exchange. I have been the one to make all the decisions for myself and my children. Not all decisions were good or beneficial and some were made due to situations beyond my control. Within a D/s relationship, there would be a discussion and someone else would be making the final decision.
When looking at the physical side of BDSM, I'm still exploring. I like all regular stuff like hair pulling and ass smacking. But I'm also finding I like candle wax, rope and clothes pins. I'm working on fisting but I'm time and stretching takes time...lol. I'm not impressed with canes or paddling, tried those at a Bottom's Buffet.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I have thought long and hard about how to identify within this lifestyle. I have determined that I am a sub. I thought it would be hard to explain but it really isn't. I want to take care of someone, to serve. I'm good at providing options and seeing things that someone else may not see. Sometimes an individual isn't able to look outside of the situation, that is where discussing possible options is important.
Since the Dominate is in control, the decision maker, its necessary to provide all avaible options. This is important so that the Dominate is able to make the best possible educated decision for all concerned.
I see my role as protector. I'm to safe guard the Dominate's interest and reputation. If he is going to make a choice that will adversely affect him, its my duty to provide different options that will be of benefit.
There are so many things that has drawn my interest into BDSM. I like the idea of a D/s relationship which provides for respect, communication and power exchange. I have been the one to make all the decisions for myself and my children. Not all decisions were good or beneficial and some were made due to situations beyond my control. Within a D/s relationship, there would be a discussion and someone else would be making the final decision.
When looking at the physical side of BDSM, I'm still exploring. I like all regular stuff like hair pulling and ass smacking. But I'm also finding I like candle wax, rope and clothes pins. I'm working on fisting but I'm time and stretching takes time...lol. I'm not impressed with canes or paddling, tried those at a Bottom's Buffet.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Great Weekend
I had a very relaxing weekend. Now let me state, my weekends begin at 8:30 am on Thursdays. The morning after working a 9 hour shift was filled with medical appointments. But then I got a very unexpected phone call.
I originally had a weekend full of kink planned but didn't think there would be any play involved. I was going to a munch on Thursday, Fetish night at a local swing club and another munch on Saturday. Well the unexpected phone call, changed my plans slightly.
We had planned to attend Fetish Friday but my car needed some emerengcy attention. But we did choose to play at home.
Sir gave me another task which was to use the clothes pins on my pussy this time. I informed my friend of the request so clothes pins was the tool of the night. Prior to my shower, I was teased. I thought we were going to play but it was only a tease of what was to come.
Clothes pins were placed on my pussy lips and clit. Friend decided to use my dildo on me. I was being brought to orgasm and he stopped. He removed all the clothes pins but the one on the clit. I was told not to remove it until I went to the shower. I was also told to gather what we were to take with us for the evening with the clothes pin still on my clit. When I started to voice this unjustice, he only smiled and stated he was learning. Control was the issue and he was attempting to prove he was in control.
The removal of the clothes pins caused a little discomfort. Moving with the clothes pin on my clit provided some misery so I moved as little as possible but gathered everything up. When the clit clothes pin was pulled off, I winced and rolled over cause it had hurt. I could only hear his laughter.
Later when play was able to resume, the clothes pins were applied. However they weren't first. My hands was tied together with one of his ties. Rubber bands were placed on my tits. I was told to get on all fours and the clothes pins were again placed on my pussy lips and clit. My medium butt plug was inserted. All these sinsations. I could feel my pussy was wet. It felt like it was leaking out. He then decided to fuck me. He grabbed my hair and pulled back with every thrusted. I was in heaven. I thought to my self this is exactly what I needed after a long week at work, stress relief.
It didn't stop there. I was instructed to lay on my back, he grabbed on to my tender, purple breast and squeezed. The rubber bands rolled off when allowed some relief. But him fucking me caused the clothes pins to pull which again created some discomfort.
He continued his assault by wanting me to squirt. He began to use his fingers. I could feel it building. I then relaxed and enjoyed the feeling. I was squirting again.
I didn't get to subspace but was brought out of my trance with his statement "you shit". I ask with the plug in, he said "no, it came out". This wasn't the ending I wanted but I knew play was over because we needed to clean up.
I'm amazed and horrified that I made such a mess. However, this wasn't the first time. I didn't even feel the plug being expelled. I think we will begin to explore the use enimas. I really don't like the mess plus it ends the scene when more is still to come. I will plan better next time.
I originally had a weekend full of kink planned but didn't think there would be any play involved. I was going to a munch on Thursday, Fetish night at a local swing club and another munch on Saturday. Well the unexpected phone call, changed my plans slightly.
We had planned to attend Fetish Friday but my car needed some emerengcy attention. But we did choose to play at home.
Sir gave me another task which was to use the clothes pins on my pussy this time. I informed my friend of the request so clothes pins was the tool of the night. Prior to my shower, I was teased. I thought we were going to play but it was only a tease of what was to come.
Clothes pins were placed on my pussy lips and clit. Friend decided to use my dildo on me. I was being brought to orgasm and he stopped. He removed all the clothes pins but the one on the clit. I was told not to remove it until I went to the shower. I was also told to gather what we were to take with us for the evening with the clothes pin still on my clit. When I started to voice this unjustice, he only smiled and stated he was learning. Control was the issue and he was attempting to prove he was in control.
The removal of the clothes pins caused a little discomfort. Moving with the clothes pin on my clit provided some misery so I moved as little as possible but gathered everything up. When the clit clothes pin was pulled off, I winced and rolled over cause it had hurt. I could only hear his laughter.
Later when play was able to resume, the clothes pins were applied. However they weren't first. My hands was tied together with one of his ties. Rubber bands were placed on my tits. I was told to get on all fours and the clothes pins were again placed on my pussy lips and clit. My medium butt plug was inserted. All these sinsations. I could feel my pussy was wet. It felt like it was leaking out. He then decided to fuck me. He grabbed my hair and pulled back with every thrusted. I was in heaven. I thought to my self this is exactly what I needed after a long week at work, stress relief.
It didn't stop there. I was instructed to lay on my back, he grabbed on to my tender, purple breast and squeezed. The rubber bands rolled off when allowed some relief. But him fucking me caused the clothes pins to pull which again created some discomfort.
He continued his assault by wanting me to squirt. He began to use his fingers. I could feel it building. I then relaxed and enjoyed the feeling. I was squirting again.
I didn't get to subspace but was brought out of my trance with his statement "you shit". I ask with the plug in, he said "no, it came out". This wasn't the ending I wanted but I knew play was over because we needed to clean up.
I'm amazed and horrified that I made such a mess. However, this wasn't the first time. I didn't even feel the plug being expelled. I think we will begin to explore the use enimas. I really don't like the mess plus it ends the scene when more is still to come. I will plan better next time.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Task
Sir has assigned me several tasks and I have completed some or have made attempts. There are a couple that I'm having trouble with so I thought I would write about them. I might even get some feedback.
First some background information. We are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). We actually been talking for almost a year. Sir has invited me to come and visit him. However, due to family responsibilities, I have been unable too. He is very understanding and knows the value and importance of family. Also, we are an interracial polyamory couple.
Sir has a desire to expand his household. In the beginning, Sir would request that I contact potential subs or slaves. I would then provide him with feedback and an opinion on the potential. He also requested I look for others that may fit in with his household. I was to provide him with the name of the female that I was contacting, incase they would follow up with him. Through the process, I gained several friends who I hope to meet one day.
A recent task which I really have no idea what to do is Sir has requested that I go to a titty bar and pick up another female. I'm then to have sex with this individual. I list myself as bicurious and actually believe I an bi, I just have had enough interaction with a female to make that determination. So have sex with another woman isn't an issue. It's the picking them up.
I haven't said anything to Sir or ask for any guidance. I guess I'm just a little insecure with approaching others, let alone a female that I wish to become involved with even for a night. This has been heavy on my mind and I haven't figured out a way to approach.
I'm thinking of asking Sir instead of a titty bar could it be a swing club. There is a fetish night at our local swing club. Eventhough, I'm insecure I think I would be received better with other like minded individuals than in a vanilla bar. I still need to figure out how to approach.
First some background information. We are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). We actually been talking for almost a year. Sir has invited me to come and visit him. However, due to family responsibilities, I have been unable too. He is very understanding and knows the value and importance of family. Also, we are an interracial polyamory couple.
Sir has a desire to expand his household. In the beginning, Sir would request that I contact potential subs or slaves. I would then provide him with feedback and an opinion on the potential. He also requested I look for others that may fit in with his household. I was to provide him with the name of the female that I was contacting, incase they would follow up with him. Through the process, I gained several friends who I hope to meet one day.
A recent task which I really have no idea what to do is Sir has requested that I go to a titty bar and pick up another female. I'm then to have sex with this individual. I list myself as bicurious and actually believe I an bi, I just have had enough interaction with a female to make that determination. So have sex with another woman isn't an issue. It's the picking them up.
I haven't said anything to Sir or ask for any guidance. I guess I'm just a little insecure with approaching others, let alone a female that I wish to become involved with even for a night. This has been heavy on my mind and I haven't figured out a way to approach.
I'm thinking of asking Sir instead of a titty bar could it be a swing club. There is a fetish night at our local swing club. Eventhough, I'm insecure I think I would be received better with other like minded individuals than in a vanilla bar. I still need to figure out how to approach.
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