Great Night

Tonight didn't go as planned but it turned out great. I planned to do a fetish photo shoot which I did and then go to Season's Beatings which I didn't. The alternative plans ended up being better than the original.

First the photo shoot...It was absolutely great. I was nervous. I had never did anything like that before. I usually never have my picture taken. I usually the one taking the pictures because I don't think I take good pictures. But from the ones I saw, they were good. I can't wait to get them and post a few here and on Fetlife.

We took a variety of photos. Some with clothes, some with nighties, some partially dressed and even nude. The photographer noticed that I had a bratty side and was ornery. He also took the time to talk which helped me relax.

Then I contacted the Dominant that I had plans to attend Season's Beatings with but I was ask if I really wanted too. I really didn't care if we attended, I knew I just wanted some play time so I ask if he had something else in mind. I was hoping he would say come to my house and we will have a session but instead he said he wanted to go to a bar. There was someone he wanted me to meet. I thought "damn, no play" but agreed with the hope that there would be some play. I decided to try and be patient which really isn't a strong suit for me.

We went to this quaint little bar where another of his subs bartends. She was beautiful with nice tits and body. It was her birthday and she was working her ass off. We didn't get much time to talk but I get the feeling we will in the future.

I actually thought for a while that we were close to a 3sum. D had ask m to come and play if she got off work early. I was a little nervous due to my inexperience but excited because it would have been a great time. I just had that feeling. Unfortunately, she didn't get off work in time and we left.

When we arrived back to his place, I was nervous which seem to be the theme of the evening. He said he didn't know weather to tie me up or just caress me. I suggested tying because that is what I so wanted and he complied. I had also mentioned a blindfold earlier in the evening and he produced one for the evening.

He bound my breasts, my hand behind my back and blindfolded me. He had been rubbing my clit and pitching my nipples while tying. After getting me bound, he ordered me to lay on the bed which is when he started to apply the clothes pins. Wooden clothes pins are so different then plastic. I could have wooden one put on my pussy lips and walk around with them, I couldn't with the plastic.

After putting several on my pussy lips, I ask for something inside me. Of course, I was denied. He then proceeds to put several on each of my breasts. At this point, I remembered reading about working through the pain and that's what I started doing. The pain started to fade and again became an annoyance. Then he began using the dildo.

Oh, this is what I wanted. I wanted to feel something in me. I would of preferred the real thing but anything was good. I was wet. At one point I believe I may have been close to squirting. I think there were several reasons I didn't one I didn't want to totally loose myself at this point. I do have a habit of making messes and I don't know how he feels about them. Plus we are still new to each and building our trust level.

When I was done, he stopped. The finishing touch was the dildo hit my cervix and caused me some uncomfort, ok pain. Because I was able to adjust, the pain of the clothes pins returned. I couldn't block it. Everything hurt at this point.

He then began to remove the clothes pins which brought me to tears. This was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to go to this level or anyone to take me there. I've always been afraid of pain to an extent.

The one thing that I find I like is how he controlled me. He used the ropes, holding either from the back or front, and of course pulling my hair. After removing the clothes pins, he grabbed the rope in the front and pulled me up. When I said I was dizzy and he knew my legs were weak, he let me sit back down, stroking my hair and talking too me. He then stood me up to make sure I was ok and to finish untying me.

I find it funny that he called me a pain slut. I would have never considered myself a pain slut because I thought those were more the ones that liked canes, paddles and whips. The ones that liked to be beat, not the more sutle pain that I seem to like to experience.  

I'm still processing this experience. I feel it was good, actually great. I believe D is what I needed at this time. I've been hesitate and even afraid to give control but I think at some point I have to begin to trust in myself if I'm ever going to have what I actually want. So I think this is a beginning point for me. I do appreciate that he listens and talks to me. He also read my blog. Right now he is holding one against me but that is ok. I can't change my reaction. I may have over reacted but that is apart of me but at least I wasn't stupid enough to take my anger out on him.

The funny thing, I wasn't angry at him. I was angry with myself for believing in something. I always make all these plans in my mind and when things don't turn out the way there suppose too, the way my mind has them playing out. I'm upset and hurt. Someday things will work out my way...maybe...

Photo Shoot

Several of my friends have done fetish photo shoots. There is a new photographer that is offering to do shoots. I sent him a message telling him how much I liked his work and he has offered me a shoot. I'm so excited. I've never thought about doing anything like this. I'll have some great pics to post.

More information to come.

Another Meet N Greet

I went to another local meet n greet. I thought it would be nice to start attending and getting to know those in my area. The first one was last month was a little loud but had a few more people that attended. I was able to meet a couple that had been online friends.

This time there was less people and it was quieter. We were able to have more private conversations, get to know each other a little better. This is a good start to building a strong community in an area that isn't really accepting of our lifestyle.

Smiling

I always love it when I get an unexpected call. I have several male friends who I know love me and are there for me in all circumstances. One such friend called me to wish me a belated happy birthday.

When I saw his number as a missed call, I became worried. Usually we don't call unless there is a problem so of course I thought the worse. But luckily it was the best, just belated birthday wishes. He had been sick and had been away from the computer. He didn't want me to think that he had forgotten me so he called.

While we were on the phone, we had to take a few minutes and catch up with each other. He ask if I was dating and I'm not. He said he could tell, I'm happier when I'm not with someone. Its amazing how someone that is 100 miles away can see when someone close to me can't. Fortunately, I'm not dating so all is good. I did tell him I was talking to a couple but nothing serious.

I also told him I believed with age I have finally came into my cuteness/beauty. He told me I have always been cute but I have allowed others to make me believe differently. He also said I was paranoid about it. Now, I'm confident and have accepted that I have a beauty. I have come into my own. I may not be the most beautiful but I have my own beauty that I can see and accept.

Things are Getting Interesting

Just when I was beginning to give up hope and accept that I was going to spend another holiday season with family, up pops not one but two men. After being stood up on Friday, I checked this dating site I signed up for. I thought well, kink isn't working maybe just dating vanilla.

Well, I actually found someone that I'm compatible with. He is really vanilla which maybe an issue. I just don't know if I can go back or even if I want too. But I have told him I'm into kink and a little about my kink. I have even invited him to attend an event that he is interested in. So I think there maybe some hope if nothing else someone at least to hang with...friend with benefits.

Then the Dominant that stood me up opened a discussion with me and ask for forgiveness. I've set a play date with him because I really need some physical play. I think it would help relieve some stress.

I don't know where either of these relationships are going, its really too earlier. I don't think the Dominant is the one to seriously lead me but will be good to have some play for a time. My vanilla may not like my level of kink but then again it just maybe the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Only time will tell...I will keep you posted.

I meet vanilla on Friday and play date is Sunday....busy busy!!!!

Birthday Weekend

This past weekend was my birthday weekend and I had some great plans. However, they were just plans. I find that most of the time when I make plans something always interferes and things don't turn out as well as I plan. Where as if I sort of wing things I have a much better time.

Such as Friday, there were 2 events. One I wanted to attend more than the other and I believed I had expressed this to the Dominant that I had been speaking too. I believe we had even agreed to go to the event that I so wanted to go to. Then on Friday, he mentions about shooting pool which indicates the opposite event than the one I actually wanted. I thought OK...I can shoot pool and we can continue to get to know each other. This meeting I will have a lot more time to get ready and I will really be able to impress him.

That didn't happen. As agreed, I text when I was leaving home cause the event was an hour from my home but only about 15 minutes from his. I figured that would give him time to do what he needed and he could meet me there when I go there or shortly after. So when I arrive, I text "I'm here". Several minutes later I receive a text back stating that he was going to get dressed. I ask if I was going to be left waiting and the response was "yes. Sorry". Didn't go over well...I promptly told him to stay at home.

He tried to explain that Friday's were rough and he had laid down. Well that didn't go far with me. I was tired. Driving home from work, I had a hard time staying awake but I still managed to rest for 30 minutes, grab a hot shower and get myself ready. Plus I had an hour drive all to see someone that couldn't give me the same consideration.

So to say the least this set the tone for the weekend. I hadn't wanted to out with people but decided to take a chance on this Dominant. This was the 3rd meeting and the 2nd time he was basically standing me up. I had done what he ask of me but yet he couldn't respect me enough to be prompt.

Actually it sent me to the couch for the weekend, I didn't have the desire to do anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. So I stayed at home, watched tv and played online.

Sunday which was my actual birthday. I had 2 encounters. One self reported master who after speaking with him I came to realize he doesn't have a clue, wanted to meet me for lunch and a movie. The funny thing is he didn't wait for me and didn't even tell the truth when he was talking to me. He stated he left the restaurant at one time when I know he left a lot earlier. He also didn't go to the movie because he was calling me from his landline 52 minutes into the movie. I gave him my cell and he emailed he didn't have a cell.

He stated he didn't know what Old Guard Slavery was and ask me to explain aggressive sexual dominance which are a couple of my listed fetishes on Fetlife. Wow...this dude for being in the lifestyle for 25 years must have been hidden. Then he only wanted to talk about what he would do to a sub. He ask if meet n greets were vanilla, then described a dungeon experience as a meet n greet. I truly think he is confused and doesn't have a clue.

My other encounter is a vanilla who is interesting. I don't know where this will go but I plan to meet him and see. I've told him a little about my kink side...didn't want to scare him off yet. But at least he is getting to know me. He text and calls. We talk and have made plans to meet. I wonder if I can go back to vanilla after tasting the darkside? I wonder if I can bring him across?

Great Weekend to Start the Month

I must say that this weekend has been a great start to the month. First it started with Kinky Bowl V on Friday night. I met some new people and saw some old friends. Of course, I was able to get a couple of practice games in...lol.

Then Saturday I was able to stay a little closer to home with a meet n greet for the Zanesville group. The location was nice. It wasn't crowded for a Saturday night and had a DJ. The food was good also. I wasn't able to stay a long time but did have a chance to get my groove on and do some chatting.

Now I just need to get ready for next weekend...the anticipation is going to kill me.