Getting Burnt

I'm so excited. I see the person that has offered to set me a fire is attending a play party in March. I thought I was going to have to wait to May but it appears I won't.

She was at the play party that I attended in November. I watched her do another scene and both were willing to answer questions. I was fascinated with fire play and had actually gained the courage to ask for a scene. But that wasn't the night for it. She had ran out of alcohol but promised to do a scene the next time we were in the same place.

I was looking at events and noticed she plans to attend the one in March. I was thinking of attending all day education event in another city but I have decided to remain in Columbus so I can do my fire scene. I think it will be so relaxing. I really can't wait.

You can't keep a Man

Over the last few years I have heard "you can't keep a man" not only from females who were seeing that same man as me but from those men. The funny thing is I'm the one that has walked away.

As in all my relationships if I'm feeling unhappy, I try to talk with my partner so that we can work things out. As to date, they have failed to listen so I'm single. When your in a relationship, you shouldn't have negative feelings. Things should be positive, upbeat and open. At least that is the dream I have, it has yet to be reality. Within each relationship, these feelings have existed but just haven't lasted. The negative have always won out. So when this statement made I laugh because I know the truth.

I'm not looking to except just any man to be my partner, my Dominant, to Master me; I'm looking for a man that completes me, brings out the best in me. So in reality, I'm not looking to "keep a man", I'm looking to be a partner. Relationships are enough work but "keeping" goes above that. Plus if he doesn't want to stay, I don't want him.

Eros Gathering

This evening I went to a great gathering. Dan and Dawn who do a lot of presentations have been told that there is a need for sacred sexuality to be revisited in the local community so they have set in progress.

Tonight was a brief over view of what sacred sexuality is and what it is to our presenters. There are so many different aspects that its up to the individual to develop the path best suited for them. You learn and apply to your life.

One aspect is healing. It helps the individual to develop possible rituals to recognize and release negative energy with the use of different tools. One such tool is BDSM. Others are through touch, being mindful and recognizing anchors, both negative and positive. Being sexual doesn't have to be the physical act of penetration, it can be so much more.

Our homework assignment is to go somewhere and eat. While eating, we are to really concentrate on the taste.

I'm hoping this will help me truly heal from all the past negative relationships. With healing, I will be more receptive to learning and growing. I also believe that this series will help assist me in focusing on me and not all the others that I have in the past.

Continued to be Amazed

I knew i was coming up on my two year anniversary of this blog. But what amazes me most is how many blogs that I have wrote and the number of followers that I have.

I started the blog to improve communication within my long distance relationship. When that relationship failed, I used the blog to process what I was learning and observing. I've been criticized for being one sided but isn't that the purpose of an individual's blog to write their perceptions of what is occurring. I have no intention of using MY blog as a battle zone when another wishes to create drama. I'm sure, in general, everyone understands.

When I first started writing this blog, I wondered if I would be understood. Sometimes when my mind races, I'm unable to write my thoughts clearly for others. I know what I'm saying but I, at times, have a hard time expressing them with clarity. From the comments, there haven't been any problems.

I think in the two years, I have increased my understanding of the lifestyle. My writing skills have also improved.

In the next year, I have a lot of events planned so I will have lots to write about. The GRUE is coming to my area which looks to be absolutely fantastic. Two local groups are planning an event, Power Exchange Summit which is also filled with education and play. I have a lot of exploration planned.

Also, I'm planning my first public scene. I've discussed the scene with Sir who I originally explored various sensations. I trust him and I know he is experienced enough to know when things might be wrong. This will be strictly play but at least I don't have to fear for my safety. As for the scene, it will have ropes and possibly flogging. He knows how I love ropes but I want to be flogged by an experienced flogging. Since he does demos on both, I can rest easy and know I'm in capable hands.

Domestic Service

Of course the thinking continues. I'm trying to get idea of what my next learning steps are and where I want them to lead me.

I believe I'm extremely capably in the domestic area. My ex play partner would need to agree with that. He even came to the point that he expected me to provide this service when I presented to his home. His room would be a mess with laundry every where, not a thing put in its place. He would talk about needing to clean his room but never seemed to get around to it. So my first task would always be to sort his laundry and pre-treat some. He always complained about his reported sub's inability to do laundry and how she ruined his clothes. I was, however, able to save several of his favorite shirts that he thought was ruined.

I would also fix dinner and serve him. I even became aware of what his likes and dislikes were when it came to food. I would be able to order him something from take out and he wouldn't have no complaints. But this was something I was able to do with all my ex partners.

I know what it takes to clean a house and take care of another. I want to concentrate more on personal service. The actual interaction between a Dominant and submissive and how he wants to be served.

Limits

I’ve been thinking lately about a lot of things but the one thing that has caught my mind today is limits. I read a thread on where a female was talking about her Sir violating one of her hard limits. She stated her hard limit was his having one on one involvements with other women. This was in accordance to their relationship, not a scene. Could she have been confusing the difference between vanilla boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with that of D/s in the lifestyle?

According to Wikipedia.org, the definition of limits is a reference “to those activities that participants in a BDSM scene feels strongly about, and to which special attention must be paid”. Albanypowerexchange.com states “In BDSM, limits are any kind of boundary or restriction placed on one or both partners. They can be physical (e.g., a bad knee or back might make certain types of bondage unsafe), mental or emotional (e.g., something that triggers a phobia or recalls a past trauma), or experiential (anything that one partner just isn't ready for yet).” In both definitions, limits are in reference to activities with in a scene, not that of the actual relationship. Both appear to be in reference to the physical side of play, not the day to day. 

I’m finding that most newbies don’t take the time or the effort to truly research what they are pursuing. When they do find information, they don’t quite understand the dynamics which appears to create issues with their ongoing relationships and potential new ones. Those that are successful with D/s and M/s relationships have taken the time to read, learn and observe. Do newbies try to jump into things to fast or for the wrong reasons?

Revelations

Its amazing how things just come to you and they seem so clear. I've been thinking for a long time...what do I want? Where do I want my submissiveness to lead me? I think I'm part way to discovering what I want.

I'm looking for a Dominant man who has definition, loyalty, respect and can appreciate what is given. He doesn't take advantage and is able to provide true guidance. Oh, he will have skills in my areas of interest like sensual domination. But I will be willing to explore his areas of interest, this is the two way street of a perfect relationship. I'm aware that I may not like or have an interest but will be willing to participate because it pleases him.

I want a long term relationship but I'm also aware that it may not happen today or tomorrow. It also may not happen in a month or a year. So during this time, I will explore, define and grow into the submissive, possible slave, that will be able to maintain a loving, permanent relationship. Yes, I said possible slave because with the right person, I will give willing my heart, soul and mind. But til that person presents, I will arrange scenes that will help me reach my goal.

Speaking of scenes, I'm in the process of planning a couple which includes my first public scene. I'm in negotiations with a Dominate that I have played with in the past and who I trust will care for me in all aspects.

My final revelation is I don't want to be pursued just for sex. I'm want Tops/Dominates that have an interest in the lifestyle, not just "I'm a Dominate...I want to have sex". This is a great change for me since in the last couple of years, sex has been a priority. If the result of the scene includes sexual satisfaction for both, that's great but sex not a necessity.