Continued Disappointment

I find myself continuely being disappointed with potential partners. They begin to chat, getting to know each other. I continue to hear the similar statements about not being able to find someone but no one takes the time to know me. How do they know I'm not the right person?

They often become upset when I confront them about the lack of communication. Instead of accepting I may have a point, I'm accused of being child like or acting like I'm in high school.

I don't play games but if I'm unhappy about something I ask questions or make statements. Instead of taking time a discussing the situation, I'm ignored.

I've spent a life time being ignored, I won't be just cuz someone can't man up and talk. I move on.

I want someone to follow though with their statements. Show me that there is action behind their words and not just that they are telling me things I want to hear.

I also want to be a priority. I want someone to make me just as important as I make them. Maybe my expections are too high?

Weirdest Dream

OMG...I just woke from the weirdest dream. I had a baby, went back to college and was involved with a gang just to play softball.

Attention Whore

Wow...I was told tonight that I was an attention whore. I was demanding this particular person sole attention. He doesn't know my past and wouldn't listen to the reasons why I wanted attention. And he can't understand why he has only seen me 3 times in about 7 years. 

Personally, he is the one that is self-centered and feels entitled. The only thing he can do is blame me and tell me I'm wrong in the thinking and philosophy.

I've spent a life time being unimportant to men. I think I have a right and deserve a little attention from whoever wants to be with me. If they don't want to spend a little time meeting my needs, there's no reason to consider putting effort into anything. 

Men also figure since I identify as bi that there should always be another female involved. This is a major turn off. I wish the would get to know me and allow us to explore each other. Than we can go on the prowl for a third. The prowling would be together so we could find someone we each agree on but this thought appears to be lost on all of then.

I the bottom line is I don't like all females. Some are shady and have there own agenda. Females also lie especially to the males because of their agenda. 

I have found a successful three some will be when the female is interested in both parties not just the male. This is another thought lost on the males.

Well I've vented enough tonight. 

Its been awhile.

I haven't wrote in over a year. I had other things that needed my focus. I was working mass hours and then still had family that needed my attention.

My life had slowed down and my family don't need me as they did. I've decided to refocus on myself and my role in the lifestyle.

I've started talking to several men. Some have went by the disappeared before we even had a chance to meet. I don't consider those men to be a loss because we were only in the talking stage.

I've renewed a relationship with Doc. We played once but I continue to think of that night. He has peaked my interest with several scenios. He has also stated a list of the top 5 things he would like to see me do.

I've also been speaking to another. He surprised me today in the conversation that he would like to collar me and live in his home with another female. The was exciting cause it was something new but I need to meet him and see what the chemistry is between the 3 of us.

I've began talking to another female. I'm hoping to explore my bi side a little further.

Well that's my update. Hopefully I'll have more exciting advertures to report.

Wow is replaced with Disappointment

Well "another one bites the dust" and didn't get past the talking stage. Again, he had a lot of nice words but no follow through. He also fell off faster than many.

I had high hopes of not being alone for yet another holiday especially one that I hate so badly. But apparently I'm destined to be alone for every holiday and for whatever reason. This is what I need to accept and be done with. I need to stop wasting energy on things that won't come true. 

Another Quote

True strength lies in submission, which permits one to dedicate her life, through devotion, to something beyond herself. ~ Henry Miller

Amazement continues

Today makes one week since I started talking to Sir. It has been a great week. I know his birthday is coming up next month. He's talked about his past. He also speaks about being concerned with my feelings. He continually re-enforces that he isn't going anywhere.

He is different than others have been. He doesn't pull out the dom card and lay down the law which I would rebel against. Instead, He talks to me. He tells me what he doesn't like and how he wants to correct.

During our conversations, He also makes states that he may think I don't hear but I do. He makes reference about us having a future together. Like today, he said something about when I move to North Carolina. This gives me an indication that we are on the same page. I'm not imagining things.

I do question if I'm jumping too fast. Am I feeling this way because its been so long since I had someone truly in my life? Or the fact that I'm actually a priority? I'm really trying not to let my mind run away which it would be easy to do. I wonder how I will know if its true and he actually likes me? Can he love me? I'm all over the place.

On another front, my local group is throwing their first play party. We have a venue, date and the rules. Its also posted and appears to be receiving attention. I believe it will be a success.

A personal goal for the year is to loose weight. We are having a contest at the office. Plus I'm going to check into yoga and possibly join a local gym. I'm going to be 50 this year and want to try and get into shape.