Well "another one bites the dust" and didn't get past the talking stage. Again, he had a lot of nice words but no follow through. He also fell off faster than many.
I had high hopes of not being alone for yet another holiday especially one that I hate so badly. But apparently I'm destined to be alone for every holiday and for whatever reason. This is what I need to accept and be done with. I need to stop wasting energy on things that won't come true.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Another Quote
True strength lies in submission, which permits one to dedicate her
life, through devotion, to something beyond herself. ~ Henry Miller
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Amazement continues
Today makes one week since I started talking to Sir. It has been a great week. I know his birthday is coming up next month. He's talked about his past. He also speaks about being concerned with my feelings. He continually re-enforces that he isn't going anywhere.
He is different than others have been. He doesn't pull out the dom card and lay down the law which I would rebel against. Instead, He talks to me. He tells me what he doesn't like and how he wants to correct.
During our conversations, He also makes states that he may think I don't hear but I do. He makes reference about us having a future together. Like today, he said something about when I move to North Carolina. This gives me an indication that we are on the same page. I'm not imagining things.
I do question if I'm jumping too fast. Am I feeling this way because its been so long since I had someone truly in my life? Or the fact that I'm actually a priority? I'm really trying not to let my mind run away which it would be easy to do. I wonder how I will know if its true and he actually likes me? Can he love me? I'm all over the place.
On another front, my local group is throwing their first play party. We have a venue, date and the rules. Its also posted and appears to be receiving attention. I believe it will be a success.
A personal goal for the year is to loose weight. We are having a contest at the office. Plus I'm going to check into yoga and possibly join a local gym. I'm going to be 50 this year and want to try and get into shape.
He is different than others have been. He doesn't pull out the dom card and lay down the law which I would rebel against. Instead, He talks to me. He tells me what he doesn't like and how he wants to correct.
During our conversations, He also makes states that he may think I don't hear but I do. He makes reference about us having a future together. Like today, he said something about when I move to North Carolina. This gives me an indication that we are on the same page. I'm not imagining things.
I do question if I'm jumping too fast. Am I feeling this way because its been so long since I had someone truly in my life? Or the fact that I'm actually a priority? I'm really trying not to let my mind run away which it would be easy to do. I wonder how I will know if its true and he actually likes me? Can he love me? I'm all over the place.
On another front, my local group is throwing their first play party. We have a venue, date and the rules. Its also posted and appears to be receiving attention. I believe it will be a success.
A personal goal for the year is to loose weight. We are having a contest at the office. Plus I'm going to check into yoga and possibly join a local gym. I'm going to be 50 this year and want to try and get into shape.
Friday, January 3, 2014
All I can say is "Wow"
On New Year's Eve, I had a man hit me up on fetlife. I looked at his profile and responded back. During our brief email interaction, I felt comfortable enough and intrigued to give him my phone number. That was the best thing I could have done.
He ask me if I text and I gave him my number. Instead of texting, he called. We spoke most of that evening and night. It was like we had an instant connection.
We actually had a conversation. There were actual attempts to get to know me. There was an open and honest communication that continues. If there is a question, its ask and answered, not pushed aside.
Tonight during a conversation He text "I will always make sure you are safe and pleased". This sentence thrilled me to no end. No one has ever told me that they would sure I was safe.
Then he has me pleasure myself. I thought we were doing it together but he was more concerned with me getting off then himself. He put my needs first. Getting off made me feel so relaxed and happy.
He says we are going to meet soon. We've discussed possible scenes for the future. All I can say is Wow...I can't wait.
He ask me if I text and I gave him my number. Instead of texting, he called. We spoke most of that evening and night. It was like we had an instant connection.
We actually had a conversation. There were actual attempts to get to know me. There was an open and honest communication that continues. If there is a question, its ask and answered, not pushed aside.
Tonight during a conversation He text "I will always make sure you are safe and pleased". This sentence thrilled me to no end. No one has ever told me that they would sure I was safe.
Then he has me pleasure myself. I thought we were doing it together but he was more concerned with me getting off then himself. He put my needs first. Getting off made me feel so relaxed and happy.
He says we are going to meet soon. We've discussed possible scenes for the future. All I can say is Wow...I can't wait.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Goodbye 2013
2013 has been a very stressful year for me personally. I thought I was on task for increasing my involvement in my community only to hit several stumbling blocks.
First my sister was found dead which put me in a tail spin. We were estranged but that doesn't take away from her suddenness or the loss I feel. I had so much to say and will never have the chance.
Then my grandson finally gets his transplant. Waiting 4 years for his organs really wears on a family's nerves, then the 12 hour surgery waiting to see how it went. It was a total ordeal that one is never ready for. He has done fantastic with his recovery with only a few road blocks.
On the personal side, I'm not involved and didn't really have any potentials. But I've been taken by surprise, I've had someone reach out to me that has really impressed me. He ask if I text then called me. We've been talking off and on this evening. Its not sex talk, its actually adult conversation. Getting to know one another...I'm totally surprised. This might indicate 2014 may have some potential.
First my sister was found dead which put me in a tail spin. We were estranged but that doesn't take away from her suddenness or the loss I feel. I had so much to say and will never have the chance.
Then my grandson finally gets his transplant. Waiting 4 years for his organs really wears on a family's nerves, then the 12 hour surgery waiting to see how it went. It was a total ordeal that one is never ready for. He has done fantastic with his recovery with only a few road blocks.
On the personal side, I'm not involved and didn't really have any potentials. But I've been taken by surprise, I've had someone reach out to me that has really impressed me. He ask if I text then called me. We've been talking off and on this evening. Its not sex talk, its actually adult conversation. Getting to know one another...I'm totally surprised. This might indicate 2014 may have some potential.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Looking up
The last couple of years have been really rough and especially stressful. I've had a family issue that remained a priority and prevented me from moving forward. Now that issue has been resolved and I'm left with an emptiness one which was unexpected.
I had thought I had everything under control. This includes chasing those I feel are unacceptable away. I need someone that is strong in every aspect but open and understanding. I need to know I'm a priority at some point in the relationship and will receive some attention at times. I'm going to be protected, not left to fend for myself.
It seems that a lot of my stressors have been resolved. I've bought a new car after a year of my old one being in decline. This severely limited my ability to attend events.
On the positive side, I had a door opened. I tried flying and loved it. Now I'm planning to attend an event in Dallas.
The experience of flying has opened doors. Buying a car has expanded my ability to travel also. I will be able to attend more events more frequently. Hopefully this will allow me to explore and meet people. Maybe I will come across the perfect partner.
I had thought I had everything under control. This includes chasing those I feel are unacceptable away. I need someone that is strong in every aspect but open and understanding. I need to know I'm a priority at some point in the relationship and will receive some attention at times. I'm going to be protected, not left to fend for myself.
It seems that a lot of my stressors have been resolved. I've bought a new car after a year of my old one being in decline. This severely limited my ability to attend events.
On the positive side, I had a door opened. I tried flying and loved it. Now I'm planning to attend an event in Dallas.
The experience of flying has opened doors. Buying a car has expanded my ability to travel also. I will be able to attend more events more frequently. Hopefully this will allow me to explore and meet people. Maybe I will come across the perfect partner.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
What I want???
I once thought I knew what I wanted once I was able to move on with my life but since I've been able too, I've been doubting everything. I've been stopped in my tracks because I really don't know what way to move.
During my stagnant years, I was unable to find a partner that even remotely attempted to make me a priority or considered any of my needs as important. Not even my exploring or learning was of an importance or priority. Making me a door mat was important and humiliating me was just as important. Which makes me think, how am I going to find someone now when I'm able to move about?
Since I'm so strong-willed, I need someone that can show me that he is stronger, not just physically, but mentally. However, it hasn't happened. The partners I find are noticeable physically stronger but lack the interest in showing the mental strength. Because they don't demonstrate their mental strength, it proves their weakness in my opinion and my dominant side makes its appearance.
The other side is I need someone that can walk the fine line between compassionate and strict. I have a defiant side which will no doubt get me into trouble for a while. Plus I've not even remotely been trained which will be a new experience so I need someone with some knowledge.
I'm tired of being blamed for my potentials partners deficient. I'm too demanding for sex. I don't have time for them. I don't make them a priority. I don't want to rush into sex. All these excuses are actually the truth about why they choose not to be with me. Or they just don't give out their address so I can visit but won't be honest enough to say I don't want you to visit.
At times I wonder, is there someone out there for me? Am I going to need to settle to be alone for the remainder of my life? I won't settle for less then I deserve. So to whoever tries, you have walls to break down and a lot to prove because I'm not going to lay down cause someone says too.
During my stagnant years, I was unable to find a partner that even remotely attempted to make me a priority or considered any of my needs as important. Not even my exploring or learning was of an importance or priority. Making me a door mat was important and humiliating me was just as important. Which makes me think, how am I going to find someone now when I'm able to move about?
Since I'm so strong-willed, I need someone that can show me that he is stronger, not just physically, but mentally. However, it hasn't happened. The partners I find are noticeable physically stronger but lack the interest in showing the mental strength. Because they don't demonstrate their mental strength, it proves their weakness in my opinion and my dominant side makes its appearance.
The other side is I need someone that can walk the fine line between compassionate and strict. I have a defiant side which will no doubt get me into trouble for a while. Plus I've not even remotely been trained which will be a new experience so I need someone with some knowledge.
I'm tired of being blamed for my potentials partners deficient. I'm too demanding for sex. I don't have time for them. I don't make them a priority. I don't want to rush into sex. All these excuses are actually the truth about why they choose not to be with me. Or they just don't give out their address so I can visit but won't be honest enough to say I don't want you to visit.
At times I wonder, is there someone out there for me? Am I going to need to settle to be alone for the remainder of my life? I won't settle for less then I deserve. So to whoever tries, you have walls to break down and a lot to prove because I'm not going to lay down cause someone says too.
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