My Jouney continues

I decided to take a step away from things for awhile but now I think its time to focus on me. To be honest, I've hide because I really didn't want to make time for a relationship. I didn't want to admit that I was doing that but I think I was.

I got hurt and disappointed, instead of dealing, I decided I my family or work needed me more so I closed the door and did look back. I built walls and made sure no one would attempt to breach. I can say I was successful.

But then I realized something was missing and that was a partner so I thought I would put myself out there again. I thought I knew what I wanted. I knew who I am. I knew the mistakes I made in the past. So I started talking again and actually found a couple that I was impressed with. However, I came to realize, its not just me.

During the getting to know stage, its not just about sex. I'm 52 years old. More than sex has happen to me in 52 years so that affects how I respond to things. I have triggers that send those walls up before I realize what is happening but I guess my walls weed out and allow me to focus on the ones that might truly be worth evaluating.

I can't allow myself to over focus on the ones that appear to be based in fiction. I think I've read too many books...lol