Goodbye 2013

2013 has been a very stressful year for me personally. I thought I was on task for increasing my involvement in my community only to hit several stumbling blocks. 

First my sister was found dead which put me in a tail spin. We were estranged but that doesn't take away from her suddenness or the loss I feel. I had so much to say and will never have the chance. 

Then my grandson finally gets his transplant. Waiting 4 years for his organs really wears on a family's nerves, then the 12 hour surgery waiting to see how it went. It was a total ordeal that one is never ready for. He has done fantastic with his recovery with only a few road blocks.

On the personal side, I'm not involved and didn't really have any potentials. But I've been taken by surprise, I've had someone reach out to me that has really impressed me. He ask if I text then called me. We've been talking off and on this evening. Its not sex talk, its actually adult conversation. Getting to know one another...I'm totally surprised. This might indicate 2014 may have some potential.

Looking up

The last couple of years have been really rough and especially stressful. I've had a family issue that remained a priority and prevented me from moving forward. Now that issue has been resolved and I'm left with an emptiness one which was unexpected. 

I had thought I had everything under control. This includes chasing those I feel are unacceptable away. I need someone that is strong in every aspect but open and understanding. I need to know I'm a priority at some point in the relationship and will receive some attention at times. I'm going to be protected, not left to fend for myself.

It seems that a lot of my stressors have been resolved. I've bought a new car after a year of my old one being in decline. This severely limited my ability to attend events. 

On the positive side, I had a door opened. I tried flying and loved it. Now I'm planning to attend an event in Dallas. 

The experience of flying has opened doors. Buying a car has expanded my ability to travel also. I will be able to attend more events more frequently. Hopefully this will allow me to explore and meet people. Maybe I will come across the perfect partner.

What I want???

I once thought I knew what I wanted once I was able to move on with my life but since I've been able too, I've been doubting everything. I've been stopped in my tracks because I really don't know what way to move. 

During my stagnant years, I was unable to find a partner that even remotely attempted to make me a priority or considered any of my needs as important. Not even my exploring or learning was of an importance or priority. Making me a door mat was important and humiliating me was just as important. Which makes me think, how am I going to find someone now when I'm able to move about?

Since I'm so strong-willed, I need someone that can show me that he is stronger, not just physically, but mentally. However, it hasn't happened. The partners I find are noticeable physically stronger but lack the interest in showing the mental strength. Because they don't demonstrate their mental strength, it proves their weakness in my opinion and my dominant side makes its appearance. 

The other side is I need someone that can walk the fine line between compassionate and strict. I have a defiant side which will no doubt get me into trouble for a while. Plus I've not even remotely been trained which will be a new experience so I need someone with some knowledge. 

I'm tired of being blamed for my potentials partners deficient. I'm too demanding for sex. I don't have time for them. I don't make them a priority. I don't want to rush into sex. All these excuses are actually the truth about why they choose not to be with me. Or they just don't give out their address so I can visit but won't be honest enough to say I don't want you to visit. 

At times I wonder, is there someone out there for me? Am I going to need to settle to be alone for the remainder of my life? I won't settle for less then I deserve. So to whoever tries, you have walls to break down and a lot to prove because I'm not going to lay down cause someone says too. 

New Beginning

I had put my life on hold because I had to make my family and their needs as a priority. However, that has been almost resolved. On Friday, we received the call that organs were available for my grandson. So at 12:45 am on Saturday morning, he went into surgery to receive a new liver, colon, small intestine, panaceas and stomach. He is on his way to healing and living a somewhat normal life.

Now, I can move my life to the next stage. I have not been serious about finding a dominant because I could not commit to the level that I needed due to the priority I made my grandson. However, I can now look after my own needs cause my baby no longer needs me as he did nor does his mama.

I will have to think about this. This is a big step for me to seriously consider a Dominant.

Submissive Emotions and the Dominant By DauntlessVitality

Submissive Emotions and the Dominant

"I warned you! I told you how this would be. I told you how intense this could and probably would become. I told you how emotional this would become for you. I told you this would be like no other relationship you have ever had. I told you how it would be hard to go back once I had taken you there. Did you believe me? Did you think I was lying? Did you really think I was just telling you things to lure you in? Maybe...maybe not. You had no way of knowing. You had no reference point. You had never been here before to be able to understand. But...now you see. Now you get it. Now you understand. Now...you are addicted!"

I read about a lot of women who decide to embrace her submissive side. She comes out of the closet and becomes more open about who she is and needs to be. But does she really know what she is in for? Does she really know how emotional and mental this will become? Does she really even know what she wants and is willing to do? No! There is no way she can.

There are several aspects we can look at in this regard. Today I just want to focus on emotions. More specifically, the emotions that come about and begin evolve once she takes the steps and gets going in this lifestyle. Once a submissive woman comes to grips with her needs and desires, and finds the right Dominant to lead her down this road, that's when things get much more deep than she can imagine them being.
From personal experience, I can tell you that no woman, no matter what or how you try to explain to her, can grasp how her emotions will become involved. How her need will grow. How this will become an addiction for her. She has no way to know. She has no reference point as of now. I can drill into a sub how intense this can be. How emotional it will become. But until she is actually there and feeling it, she really can't know and understand.

She will be required, with me anyway, to be completely open and honest at all times. She will be required to open herself and her inner thoughts to me like she never has to anyone before in her life. She will be faced with being vulnerable like never before. In many women this will strike fear. Fear of having to be that open. Fear of having to share such a dark side of her newly discovered self. Fear of being hurt by being so open. There is no hiding and no holding back. Many times she has been hurt in the past, and has withdrawn and put up so many barriers that it takes an entire demolition crew to begin to knock down those walls. This can be a very emotional time for her. She wants this and needs this, but is scared to death at the same time, as she is introduced more and more to this life by discussions, pictures, assignments, and so on.
This is where having the right Dominant is so important. It is at this very moment that her entire submissiveness swings in the balance. This can become the best thing ever, or it can become the nightmare she so greatly fears. Who holds the key to which way it will swing? I, the Dominant, does. It is up to me to guide her through this jungle of emotions. It is up to me to support her, do all I can to make her feel safe, and to show her I care. That I'm not just here to use her and do all these naughty things to her and treat her like trash. Although, this may be what she believes by all she has seen and read on the internet. I'm here to help support and hold her up. I'm here to lead her down this path, help her face her fears, and see that I mean what I say and I am who I say I am. That I'm not here to tear her down, but to build her up. It is through this support and care that she will begin to believe that I am truly here for her. That I really do want to help her be who she needs to be, and in a loving and caring manner. That I don't want to change her, but want to open her up and help her spread her wings to be who she already is.

There are a lot of Doms, or alleged Doms, out there. They will make all sorts of claims. Many think it's about having a woman bow to you, get on her knees, suck your cock, there for you to fuck whenever they want, etc... They think it would be great to have a woman do whatever they say. What they don't know and realize is how much time and effort goes into a submissive in supporting and caring for her. He doesn't realize that, in contradictory terms, the more of himself he gives to her, the more he will get from her. There is so much work on a mental and emotional side of a D/s relationship, before you really can appreciate and accept the physical side of it. There's no wonder a lot of submissives I read about have had issues and problems in the lifestyle. Lucky for us good Dominants (yes I'm making an assumption about myself), the drive and pull in a submissive keeps her going and looking, even after a bad experience or two.

My point is this...there are some very emotional times for a submissive in coming to grips with who she is. It takes a lot of work and effort to be able to guide her and get her comfortable with this. It takes a caring and strong Dominant to be able to work through this with her, and want to work through this with her. If you take the time to build her up, show her the way, show her how great this can be, take care of and support her, then you are building a strong foundation for your future. She will be much more loyal and giving of herself, if she sees and knows you are willing to give of yourself as well. If your foundation is weak, well...don't be surprised when the house comes tumbling down. It's no ones fault but your own, as the Dominant. She has no way to know otherwise and is counting on you to know and lead her.

Can you do that? Can you build a strong foundation for her to be steady on her feet? Can you work with her the way she needs and deserves? Can you give yourself to her, so she will give herself in return? Can you? You better! Or you better not act surprised when you have lots of issues that can't be resolved. She deserves the best and all you have. If you can't give her that, then maybe you should stay in the kiddie pool until you grow up enough to swim with the adults!

Another Great Party

On Saturday, I attended another great party at Master Doug's and piggy's. They are the most gracious host and hostess. 

This month was smaller than last month but it still had a lot of great energy. There was a gender sadistic challenge where a female sadist and a male sadist each picked 5 implements to use on a volunteer. The male won just based on power because he was able to break the skin. 

I was able to observe a newbie negotiating a scene where he would be tied up and possible electric used. I saw the beginning of the rope being tied around him.

I watched a scene with OD and piggy. Piggy was great. She didn't move or yell or jump with any snap of the dragon tail or crack of a paddle. I was impressed. I didn't see her second scene but saw the pics where a paddle with tacks  was used. She had some blood dripping but the next day, you barely saw any marks at all on her beautiful ass.

Another friend is having a breast reduction so we said good bye to her boobies...she took markers around so people could write their good-byes. I think she is a little nervous about surgery but she knows we are there to support.

Just as one is willing saying good-bye, another is being forced. She has found out that she has breast cancer in both breast. She just informed her friends this week. We have tried to turn Fetlife pink in support of her. Several turned the party pink on Saturday. She also knows, we as a community will be there to support her when she is in need. My prayers go out to both of my friends.

Now another month and another month of parties...I seem to make it to 2. The L3 and Master Doug's. The L3 is more to listen to music and relax. At Master Doug's, I'm working the nerve to actually play.

OMG...

OMG...my stalker has decided to maybe come play in my play ground. I think she may have grown her balls.

She has decided to mark on Fetlife she may be coming to the swing event that I've went too the last 2 months. That leaves me to wonder why. Is she reading my posting where I'm writing I'm being ignored and she wants to prove she can get everyone's attention. I hate to tell her, she has no standards so she will get every dick's attention. I on the other hand am a little more selective and don't want every dick that approaches.

I'm comfortable being a strong, independent and intelligent female and those men who take an interest enjoy a woman who is well rounded not just physically but in all areas. I can carry on conversations about multiple topics that don't include sex. I have a sense of humor and generally likeable.

Where as my stalker is nothing more than a gutter rat. She can only spread her legs, checks and lips. All 3 holes are well used with no protection and I would be scared at what I might get if I used one of those gaping holes.

Plus, knowing this is a party that I attend, this will be her 3 instance of physical stalking. She will catch a case and in my yard...so sweet.